Am I being needy?

LegacyUser

This is a topic that has been covered a 101 times I know, so apologies in advance.

I met a guy that I have liked for a while about 3 weeks ago - we were in contact a lot before we met over the phone, and things were going well. The night we met was great, we instantly clicked, and were really comfortable with each other.

But, and this is where I think I am being needy..... the contact (as in the lengthy phone calls etc) has dissipated over the last week or so - yes, we are in touch by text, but less calls (admittedly both of us have been busy) and no real initation by him to meet again. Depite all this, yes he does text me (often the first of the day) etc etc....


But my gut tells me that he is "just being nice" and is hoping that maybe it will fade out without him having to do anything, but I did mention it to him at the weekend in a half joking way) and he was like WTF?! Why do you think I am not interested etc etc....

Ah I dunno! Is all this crap even worth it haha.

Big Bag of Chips

No real initiation from him to meet again? Have you initiated and he's declined? If not then maybe he's thinking the same as you. And now you are half joking about it fading out.. maybe he thinks you weren't half joking and it was your way of letting him know you were letting it fade out?

If you're an adult, then you are going to have to behave like one. Talk. Ring him if you want. Ask him to meet up with you. If you make direct contact and ask a direct question and he makes an excuse then maybe you might have a point, but as of now, he could post the exact same post as you have!

zoobizoo

If he's sending you the first text of the day, initiating contact, then he is interested.

He may not be as direct as you'd like him to be.

Maybe you need to take charge and initiate another meeting as he could think "I'm not sure if she's into me - I don't want to be rejected".

Xterminator

Hi Op

Some people are just not natural texters. doesn't mean he is not interested.

The best way to gauge this is to take charge, and arrange a meet up, and see if he is enthusiastic. If he puts you off - then you have your answer.

LegacyUser

Thanks to all for replying.

The thing is he started off as a natural texter and would initiate contact by phone a few times throughout the day..... We were supposed to meet up last weekend, but he cancelled as he was sick (which is fine!). He has asked me to go away for a weekend with him this weekend, but just through his change in behaviour, I am honestly waiting on the call to say that something has come up and it wont be happening - I guess i just feel that the chase was better than the catch for him, and yet he still wants to keep me as an option!

SO frustrating and I feel like a teenager (which I can assure you I am not!!!!).

Idbatterim

Fly the nest wrote: »

<Snip>

I take it you haven't slept together yet? How many dates have you been on?

Vela

I don't think you're being needy. I think you're very perceptive and you're feeling insecure because he's changed the way he communicates with you. It's very easy to foster an intense "relationship" online if you're talking every minute of the day, but if that doesn't match up in real life it can get really confusing. I completely understand where you're coming from.

It could be completely genuine and there could be external factors involved. Or, he just might not be that interested anymore. Personally (and I've done this before), I'd just ask him straight out and be upfront about it. There's no point in wasting your time wondering and worrying about it when you can just ask him.

witchgirl26

OP it's only been 3 weeks and you mention in your second post that he was sick so cancelled the last weekends plans but has made plans with you for this weekend? I don't see the problem here at all to be honest except maybe over thinking things a bit. Which in fairness we all do at times. Go with the flow about this weekend. If he does cancel last minute, I'd say it straight to him that you feel like he's not being up front about it all.

runningbuddy

He def.sounds keen to be honest. I'm the Queen of overthinking :eek:. If he cancels this weekend, maybe I'd be a bit suspicious

LegacyUser

Thanks genuinely to everyone who has taken the time to reply

I do believe that he is interested - we are still (well as of today haha) going away for the weekend, and when he has been in touch over the last few days, he has made sure to confirm it and the details around it.

I have been badly stung in the past and I guess I doubt everything and over think every single act and text! I am my worst own enemy

In my last relationship, I worried that he was being overly forward and now I am worrying the opposite! I think I am officially a relationship basket case ::

Icepick

No need for a self-fulfilled prophecy mentality.
You want the man to be interested and lead, which is normal, but he was sick and busy so wait and see what happens this weekend and decise accordingly.

LegacyUser

Update: he bailed on the weekend. Gut instinct is always right!

runningbuddy

ah jaysis. What was his excuse?? sorry OP

LegacyUser

Hi All

He was supposed to collect me, and when I asked him about the arrangements for later in the day, he said "oh lets go tomorrow instead" and that was literally the last I ever heard from him!

runningbuddy

That is nuts!! You are well rid OP