Insecurity

LegacyUser

First time posting on here. 26 y/o old male looking for guidance.

I have always been plagued by insecurity in almost all aspects of my life.

When playing hurling, coaches told me I was very talented but I needed to be more confident in myself. I do know I am quite talented but I was always plagued by a feeling that the objective facts supported the view I wasn't as good as my peers.

Lately this insecurity has manifested itself in terms of relationships. In general people i know view me as someone who is quite popular with the opposite sex. Numerous males and females have made comments about my good looks. However, equally there have been girls who almost laugh at me for trying to speak to them. Although i recognise that looks are subjective, if seems that girls either find me very attractive or not attractive in any way. The negative experiences affect my self confidence hugely and I find it very hard to deal with this.

I am also very quiet in general and this also holds me back a lot of the time. I feel I have become slightly narcissistic constantly worrying about what people think of me.

I don't really know what I am looking for from this but I felt I needed to get it off my chest.

Mr. Incognito

I learned a long time ago that no one gives a crap about anything other than themselves

You are barely a speck on anyones life experience bar your close friends and family.

Once you realise this it should ease your troubles.

No one cares. Seriously.

Hannibal_Smith

Exactly what Mr Incognito said. Insecurity comes from a fear of what other people think of you. The fact is you cannot control that and it doesn't matter anyway. If people laugh in your face, it's the age old mantra of, it says more about them then it does about you.

Back yourself, don't depend or wait for others to do it.

jsms88

I totally get where you’re coming from. Im also quiet, particularly around people I don’t know. I’m always worrying about what other people think and wondering what their reaction to me is likely to be and so on.

Different from me though is that you’re a talented hurler and good-looking enough that people comment on it. Rightly or wrongly, these are valued by Irish society. Take confidence from these, even be a little bit cocky (in a positive way) if it helps you to not be so nervous.

juneg

Well it's all about what drives you. I think you might have a high need for peer approval and maybe you see yourself based on what others think of you. You need to see what else drives you or is important to you. Examine your values and how they help your self esteem. Find another aspect of life to drive you and build yourself up again.

zoobizoo

Get yourself a copy of The Feeling Good Handbook - it's available online if you don't want to go into a book shop and ask for it.

As for girls laughing when you speak to them well, I think all guys / men have encountered certain girls / women who do that. It's not a personal thing. It's a defence mechanism on their part. I presume it's on a night out where you approach a gang rather than in a work / sporting / day time situation....