Woman asking a man out (Shy or not interested)

a_murph613

So I have minimal experience with men. I'm 28 years old and I've only ever had one relationship which lasted just over a year. I find it difficult to talk to men I am interested in on nights out and dates are just the most awkward thing ever for me. I feel like when it comes to relationships I am still very much in a teenage phase that I never actually expereinced when I was younger like the majority of people.
So moving on I am currently working in a largely male dominated part-time job while I look for my dream job. I have been there for a fews years while I finished up my college studies. There is a man there that I have been attracted to since the first day I met him. I don't know what it is about him. I have spoken to him on and off over my time there whenever I get a chnace but he is a really quiet guy. I am leaving the job soon and I worry that if I don't just bite the bullet and ask him out I will regret it later. What's the worst that could happen, I tell myself. Although I'm leaving the job in the New Year I don't want to wait until then to ask him out. Unfortunately, I also suffer from really bad anxiety which I'm working on but makes this seem all that bit harder.
I'm worried that he'll have a girlfriend or even worse that he'll just say no. Although I think he is interested in me he is so hard to read. If he says no I will have serious anxiety going into work afterwards at the thought of him having told people about it.
Don't get me wrong it's not like I feel this is the only guy for me but I know I will regret just not really taking that chance and putting myself out there. I feel like if I don't just do this to at least tell myself I tried then it will affect any confidence I have and I'm afraid I'll never really get anywhere towards a relationship with someone.
So basically is there any advice someone could give me about how to determine if he's even really interested in me before I make any move. We don't get a chance to talk much and he's not someone I would ever walk up to and randomly start a conversation with like I would others because he is so quiet.

silverharp

given the season that's in it, are there going to be company socials? it might be a more natural opportunity?

lazybones32

Sports psychologists get athletes to use 'visualisation' to improve technique, overcome nerves and perform better. All it is basically, is imagining yourself doing what it is you want to do. You visualise and rehearse yourself doing it and doing it confidently, calmly and purposefully; being in control of yourself in a pressure moment.
Using that exercise won't make him say 'yes' but it will help you overcome the fear and anxiety you associate with this step and helps you be in control of yourself which means you won't get shy, embarrased or say the wrong thing.
Google it, or maybe wikihow has a page on it. It's a great tool and gets more effective the more you use it.

lalababa

Say you are going to some pub music night and ask him along. You are covered then both ways.

Icepick

So basically is there any advice someone could give me about how to determine if he's even really interested in me before I make any move.

No need to look for signs before you talk to him. Don't fear rejection.

leggo

Yeah if you've got a Christmas Party coming up, interest on both sides plus alcohol usually leads to things happening. Are you friends with him on social media? If not then perhaps find a natural reason to add him (e.g. A funny video you saw). That way you can contact him even after you leave the job. If nothing happens at the Christmas Party but you still feel there may be interest there, or wanna get confirmation either way, then say it to him on there. It's awkward to ask people out in work because, if it doesn't go the way you want, you're then stuck with them there for the rest of the day and it also puts them on the spot without an excuse handy. At least through text or social media you give him a moment to process it and there's less pressure.

a_murph613

Unfortunately I can't go to the Xmas party which is crap and he has no facebook account that I know of.

witchgirl26

OP I'll tell you what I did in a similar situation. I waited to ask him for a drink a few days before I knew he'd be going away for a while. That way if he said no there'd be minimal time in the office with each other with the awkwardness and then a break for both of us.

If you don't work with him day in, day out but more on and off then there's no harm in doing it now though & not waiting. The worst that can happen is that he'll say no sorry and things are a little awkward for a bit but if you don't have to talk to him regularly, will anything honestly change?

There's no sure fire way to know that he's interested. When I asked himself out, I'd dropped a load of hints and he's admitted that he never saw any of them and he hadn't thought about me like that at all. I was just someone he worked with but the question made him think and 6 years later, I think it was worth the risk! He might not have thought of you that way or not in any depth. You won't know though until you ask. If you don't want to do it in person, maybe see if there's a Christmas dinner or something coming up and ask him over email or message if he wants to meet up for a drink the two of you before hand.

LuckyLloyd

I think if you can realise that him saying "no" isn't so terrible it might help you here. So what if he said "no"? Your anxiety about how awkward it would be to work with him after and / or him telling everyone else about it isn't really so awful because you're leaving in a couple of months anyway.

The positives of asking way outweigh the negatives. He'll either say "yes" which is great; or he'll say "no" which - while disappointing - will let you know where you stand. And he'll likely be flattered and take it well even if he has a girlfriend or whatever.

Go for it!