Room Mate with Aspergers/ADHD

Retropesssir

I am very certain my house mate might have ADHD and Aspergers, so I am trying to be respectful and kind incase there are underlying conditions because I cannot say for sure. However he is becoming difficult to live with. I have also tried to explain to him how he can be quite loud already to resolve the problem to no avail. He’s not a disrespectful person, I think there is just genuinely something not piecing-together..

He works and the only other time he leaves the house is to grocery shop, so he is always home, and doesn’t have any friends or family in the area. So he's always here which means when he's here, he can't sit still and is constantly roaming around the house aimlessly, which in turn leads to constant noise from him opening/shutting doors loudly, going in and out of the bathroom throughout the night, running up and down the stairs, he closes every door behind him so doors are slamming about 20x in just one evening, on-top of his constant moving all around the house. He goes to the bathroom about 10 times in the span of 3 hours so I try to be respectful he may have a problem. However this keeps me awake in the night because he’s not quiet.

I do leave the house so I am not always here (out for school, works, friends) yet this is disruptive because when I do have to study it's in my room most of the time as I've gotten sick of leaving my own house for peace and quiet. Even so, if I am just reading a book or relaxing in my own home, the constant noise he makes is annoying.

As I’ve said, I've voiced to him before how loud he is and that it's not necessarily what he's doing, but that its constant (literally..constant.) from him and that is what is disruptive. He’s actually a nice person so its not ill-intended. However every time I mention this to him, nothing changes. This is why I’m at a cross-roads what to do because living with him is becoming unbearable but he’s not inconsiderate on purpose as I believe theres an underlying issue.

I am the owner of the house and I sublet the other bedrooms, so in the end I do have a say who lives here or doesn’t but I’m unsure that this will ever get better and I’ll be stuck in my own home with someone that is difficult to live with. But because he’s a nice person and not doing this purposely, I’m not sure if asking him to find other accommodation would be cruel?

whomitconcerns

Erm... You own the house... He's a licensee and is interfering with your enjoyment... Give him a final warning then 2 weeks notice and move on

ArthurG

whomitconcerns wrote: »

Erm... You own the house... He's a licensee and is interfering with your enjoyment... Give him a final warning then 2 weeks notice and move on

Give him a break. He’s trying to find an accommodating solution rather than throw someone (possibly) with ADHD out.

I can see the next thread: “heartless landlord throws vulnerable tenant out on to street”.

whomitconcerns

ArthurG wrote: »

whomitconcerns wrote: »

Erm... You own the house... He's a licensee and is interfering with your enjoyment... Give him a final warning then 2 weeks notice and move on

Give him a break. He’s trying to find an accommodating solution rather than throw someone (possibly) with ADHD out.

I can see the next thread: “heartless landlord throws vulnerable tenant out on to street”.

He's the chaps landlord, not his guardian or keeper.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

jimmycrackcorm

ArthurG wrote:

I can see the next thread: “heartless landlord throws vulnerable tenant out on to streetâ€.

You could offer to let him rent a room from you, see if you can practice what you preach....

NinetyTwoTeam

That would drive me mental, I hate doors being slammed.

You're lucky you are the owner and can ask him to go. I'm afraid that's what I would do. I have relatives with Asperger's and sometimes they have trouble with things but they are well able to adjust behavior when it's made clear to them they need to and they are more likely to sit in their room and only come out for food than roam constantly they are very unintrusive.

pauliebdub

Sit him down and have a chat about the issue and allow some time to see if there is an improvement. If not then I'd move him on in the new year, you've every right to the enjoyment of your home.

CruelCoin

pauliebdub wrote: »

Sit him down and have a chat about the issue and allow some time to see if there is an improvement.

"However every time I mention this to him, nothing changes"

Waste of time.

Op, get rid of him, before he drives away the rest of your housemates who i assume are fine?

the_syco

Retropesssir wrote: »

I am the owner of the house and I sublet the other bedrooms

Are you his mammy?

If not, get rid of him. You've tried to help, he hasn't copped it, so off he goes.

Retropesssir

I've attempted to write out a reply and when I press "Post Quick Reply" it brings me to the log in page again. This was quite long and I can't be arsed to write it again at the moment so I will update on the situation when I have the time :-)

spaceHopper

Ask him straight if he has ADHD. Say you've notices he can't sit still, maybe ask to talk to his family at least that way they will know whats coming. If you are right he can't change, there is nothing you can do. Be nice about it but it's not going to work out and he probably needs to live in the social care situation. Any chance he has mental health issues, some of the drugs make you want to keep moving.

Retropesssir

Okay so the situation has been resolved.

Basically he was doing things as well which had nothing to do with what I mentioned above that I called him out for. A major one was cleanliness.
We have a cleaning schedule (everyone has each week a certain room in the house where it just does a quick tidy up, because with four people it gets messy quite fast.) This was all agreed upon, nothing forced. I was constantly having to remind him to do his share, and it was annoying because we're all adults, its hardly my job to have to remind him.
Secondly, he was leaving dirty dishes about. Not helping out much with other house things (emptying garbage, emptying dishwasher) basically things everyone takes their turn doing.
He wanted to keep his bike in the living room, which was a problem because there was a new carpet and I didn't want him necessarily dirtying it bringing his bike in and out daily. Not to mention when he opens the door, his room stinks.
There is no problem with the other room mates. But they have told me that he doesn't flush the toilet, and asked me to speak with him (weirdly enough I didn't notice this).
So to be fair, he was just very dirty, not that we have OCD living standards.

Additionally, he uses the internet excessively and it slows it down for us because he is constantly home and on it. He is big into internet sites, gaming, etc.
He also has a withdraw limit on his account and pays his rent in increments rather than on the day as I have told him to do. So instead of paying on first, was paying half one day, then maybe it would be a week day and wasn't able to make it to the bank. etc. I asked him to have this organized before 1st of the month, not after.

So I finally said to him that I don't think he is setting in well into the house (I only brought up the points from this message, not my previous one). That he is probably annoyed that I'm constantly at him about something, and I'm annoyed that I'm constantly on his tail about something. That long term it wouldn't work out and I am not giving him a fixed date but that its best he finds somewhere else where he will fit in better. I told him that during the holidays he needn't stress about it, however in the new year he should begin with it.

Luckily within a week of telling him this he has found somewhere new. I think he found a detached part of a house belonging to an older couple which will certainly suit him better. And he will be gone. Yay for all.