He's finally done

runningbuddy

Hi folks, I have posted about my long distance online relationship in the past. I'm gutted here, so upset

We met two years ago. However, he is based in Canada and I in Dublin. We were friends for a year before it started to become more.

We spoke via Skype or message every single day and now that is gone,

He messaged me last week and said he was "backing off" . I had become a little too erratic (his words). He put up a pic of him and a girl at a gig, I became irrational and it turns out she is just a friend. She is married and they have been friends for years.

I know he is done. I miss the friendship though and would give anything to have it back but I know it's gone.

I am just devastated and don't know how to move on. Thanks for reading. Just need to get it off my chest.

cailin.

runningbuddy wrote: »

<Snip> No need to repost the post.

Sorry to hear about the breakup. Things must be made more difficult having that physical distance between you too.

Did you have plans to move there, or him come here? Was this a once off isolated incident of you being "erratic"? Was there trust issues prior to this? (The behaviour you describe in your post does not sound erratic within a relationship context btw).

I'm just looking for collateral as there seems to be more from his point as to why he ended it.

You now really have to mind yourself. Go back to basics, eat well, get enough sleep and stay hydrated. Surround yourself with family and people who know you, and can be supportive and lend a listening ear. There are so many emotions you are probably feeling right now, and there is no right or wrong way to process being bereaved for the relationship that you had.

If you can accept that this is really over take it one day at a time OP, you will get there.

runningbuddy

Thank you C. Just writing this helps. My friends all told me I was nuts to even engage with him. He was never going to move here or I there. I feel so lost. And now he thinks I'm a lunatic !!

I was having a bad day /PMT and explained I was sorry, etc. But he won't accept it.

woodchuck

If neither of you had any plans to move, then what was the point of it all? Even if he did decide he wanted another shot at things, I'd be advising you to not to. Move on and find someone closer to home.

runningbuddy

Thanks woodchuck. It's a clean break. He has cut me off completely . I miss the friendship. The intimacy part of it was never going to be sustainable anyway. I just feel heartsick and lost and extremely stupid too !!

dellas1979

I think your brain has filled in the gaps to parts missing from this relationship due to long distance.

Ask yourself, was he really that great? You dont seem to know a lot about him in person.

If he has asked for space, no contact, do it.

Another question youve to ask yourself also is, is this showing you gaps in your own life? i.e., youre giving your heart away to someone who you dont really know, and someone who had no intention to be with you. Are you feeling lonely, stuck, unhappy in your own life?

woodchuck

runningbuddy wrote: »

Thanks woodchuck. It's a clean break. He has cut me off completely . I miss the friendship. The intimacy part of it was never going to be sustainable anyway. I just feel heartsick and lost and extremely stupid too !!

It'll be hard for a while, but you will get through this. Make sure to spend time with your friends and family. Use them as a shoulder to cry on (within reason). Indulge in your hobbies/interests or take up new ones if needs be.

You'll probably look back on things in a couple of month and realise you're a lot better off without him.

Yellow pack crisps

There is sex and an emotional relationship, what you had was an emotional relationship regardless of whether you were together physically or not and it can hurt in all the same places. It is a breakup and thst is what you have to deal with it as. The only thing that fixes that is time and being good to yourself.

runningbuddy

I'm struggling with the fact that he can just discard me so easy too . My head wrecked, is he missing me?? Did he ever care ??

Ursus Horribilis

I remember your other thread about this. While my heart goes out to you at this horrible time, I think you always knew this was going to happen at some stage. Long distance relationships are tough at the best of times and can make emotions run very high. When there is no obvious solution to the distance problem, it puts a completely different complexion on things.

When a relationship ends, the advice usually given here is to cut contact. It sounds harsh but it's the only way to get over a break up. You can't get used to being single again if you're still in contact with your ex. I don't think it's a case of him discarding you or that he didn't care. I'm sure it was very tough for him too. Sooner or later, though, one of you was bound to want something different. Is there anything bad in that? This relationship was going nowhere.

runningbuddy

Thanks Ursus. It's the way it ended, in my dramatic meltdown :mad:. I was always prepared for him meeting someone as we both knew it was an impossible situation. I will miss the laughs / friendship