Advice needed at a sad time.

Binka

This morning we lost our lurcher, Julian to a heart attack. We called the vet but he needed to be PTS.
Our other dog, who is a very fearful dog, was kept away in another room while the vet attended and did the dreaded deed.
Some of you may remember my thread about the pointer, Jacob with the irrational fear of boxes and people.
At the moment we have Julian resting in a separate room pending his journey to the crematorium this evening, and Jacob seems a bit confused.

My question is should we let Jacob see Julian? As Julian got older and coughed occasionally Jacob would be completely freaked out by the coughing and run away from him with his tail between his legs. But in the same breath Julian gave Jacob his confidence.

We don't want him to freak out if he sees him as he is unbelievably sensitive, but we want him to understand too.

What do people think? Will it make any difference to him?

seamus

Anecdotally I've never heard anyone say this was a bad idea, and practically everyone suggests that it seems to help the dog understand that their sibling is gone and they don't pine or stress about their absence quite as badly as a dog who never sees the body.

I would definitely suggest letting him see his brother and allowing him to spend as much time with him as he needs.

My condolences on your loss.

ticklebelly7

At a guess I'd say Jacob already knows he's gone.  The dog's nose is infinitely better than ours.  Jacob will have realised that Julian's smell is fading.  Let him in to see his friend so he can reassure himself about what's going on.  
So sorry for your bereavement.

irishlady29

What an awful heart breaking time for you all.
I would think it would be a good idea to let him see him. I feel it would help him process the loss and come to terms with it more quickly.
Earlier this year we lost one of our dogs unexpectedly. We came home from work to find him dead in the garden. Our other dog was with him. I was concerned how would she process thus loss. I did some research as I wanted to be sure we did the right thing by our remaining dog through our and her grief process. She is a very sensitive soul a d gets upset easily. When she's upset or out od sorts she tends to get sick. My understanding, and this may not be correct, but because she was with him when he died that she processed it more quickly and wasn't expecting or wondering when would he be back. She adapted well. Although she was lonely and missed her big brother. After about 2 weeks we noticed she quitened down a good bit. Spent most of the time sleeping. She seemed down. We smothered her with cuddles and attention and kept her busy. In time we were ready to adopt another pal for her and us.
I would think it would help your remaining dog if he sees him. A terrible terrible time for ye. It's heart breaking. I still can't talk or look at photos or videos of our dog. It's still so raw.
Take care op

Binka

Thanks to you all for your thoughts on this. We decided to open the door and let him in to say goodbye. He wasn't freaked out at all and sniffed him all over. We can tell from his reaction that he knows something although we're not sure what that something is.

But he has definitely perked up a bit and we got a small wag of the tail just now.

He will be very lonely at first but hopefully this will help him understand.

We really appreciate your replies.

Big thanks.

kylith

When Tegan died I let Rani see and smell the body. That night was the only time I ever heard her howl, so she definitely grieved, but she didn't look for T after that, so I think she understood.

tk123

Sorry for your loss OP.

Ann22

I am so sorry for your loss! Such a heartbreaking post. I wish all dog owners were like you.
I know my dogs would be lost if anything happened the other. Loads of attention, fussing and walks. My friend lost one of her boxers but his old lady friend has coped well. She gets so much love and attention.
You are likely who Jacob loves most in the world so you will be a comfort to each other.
Again I'm so sorry! Hugs xxx

jellybear

So sorry for your loss Binka

Binka

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. By the time I left for the crematorium he didn't seem to be looking for Julian and while I was away he crashed out with tiredness.
Tonight he seems calm and accepting but I know the next few weeks are going to be tough on him.
I'm so glad I asked the question and that we heeded your advice.
You are all very wise and experienced people.

Tony H

so sorry to hear of your loss , run free Julian

irishlady29

A very sad house tonight I'm sure. Mind each other over the next while. Adjusting will be difficult for you both.

brinty

Sorry for the loss Binka and hope Jacob is doing ok
You did the very best for Jacob in letting him see what had happened
Tough few days and weeks ahead but I’m sure you’ll get through it
Julian is gone but not forgotten
Run free Julian

Kamili

So sorry for your loss. Poor Jacob, but I think he understands and he's grateful for your kindness in giving him the opportunity to say goodbye.

I hope Julian is already at rainbow bridge waiting for his friends in the warm sunshine.

shakencat

Sorry to hear about your baby

Please let us know how everyone is keeping..

kathleen37

So sorry for your loss. I think you did the right thing, it;s something I've always done.

He'll always be with you.

Binka

A quick update on day 4. Initially Jacob was looking for Julian and didn't quite get where he was. He's still doing a lot of sniffing around but he's crying less and enjoying all the extra cuddles. And worrying about Jacob does distract us a little from being sad.
Unfortunately he does seem to be a bit less sure of himself and a bit more fearful. His sadness comes and goes.
On the positive front, we have made the decision to fill the empty bed sooner rather than later, and not to leave him as an only dog for long. He will thrive better with a new friend (and so will we).
We have an appointment with the same rescue that we got Julian from on Monday week to view an abandoned Lurcher that is currently recovering from an operation.
Jacob is coming with us to see if they can be buddies!

Kamili

Great news! I hope you all find a new forever friend.
When my last dog passed, I had to fill the space left behind, I quite quickly picked up a new fur baby. I will never replace my old friend who left quite suddenly too, but for me and the family it was the best thing as we still terribly missed our old friend but the new one kept us occupied (very much so as a 12week old puppy) and helped us heal. He's truly settled with us all now over three years on and we love the mischief and entertainment he very purposefully sets out to give us. He's a right lovable rogue.

Jacob I'm sure will enjoy having doggy company and I'm sure Julian would approve.

You sound like such wonderful caring owners and I hope everything goes well with the visit next week.

Binka

So, just a quick update. Our trip with Jacob down to the rescue to meet his new lurcher pal was a success. It was a bit traumatic for him but he was so good. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that Julian's bed it now Mr. Bojangles new bed. They never stay empty for long.
Mr B was dumped in the bog in the summer and found starving and shut down with an injury that needed an operation, which was paid for by donations from the good people of Ireland. He is now recuperating with us and has settled in well.
Jacob has a new buddy and so do we, but Julian will never be forgotten and will be always in our hearts!

jellybear

Awh Binka that's such lovely news!! Now can I be so bold as to ask for a picture of the new family member

Binka

Here's a photo from his first day with us in his lovely new coat that was donated to the rescue by a kind lady who was following his story.
He is still getting used to being in a house and all the sights and sounds that go with it but in true lurcher style the first thing he found was the couch!

jellybear

Awh he is such a handsome guy!! That picture of him on the couch is lovely. He looks so content and at home. Hope you all have a lovely Christmas together....he won't know what hit him when the turkey and ham.come out

puppieperson1

God bless you you are a decent human being and your dogs are just lovely . I hope you have a lovely Christmas and good luck for your kindness.

njs030

Binka wrote: »

So, just a quick update. Our trip with Jacob down to the rescue to meet his new lurcher pal was a success. It was a bit traumatic for him but he was so good. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that Julian's bed it now Mr. Bojangles new bed. They never stay empty for long.
Mr B was dumped in the bog in the summer and found starving and shut down with an injury that needed an operation, which was paid for by donations from the good people of Ireland. He is now recuperating with us and has settled in well.
Jacob has a new buddy and so do we, but Julian will never be forgotten and will be always in our hearts!

Oh my god.
I've been following this and been really sad for you but hadn't read the last update until now...coincidentally i also know quite a lot about Mr B.
I'm actually flooded with happy tears now, I knew he'd gone to a good home but knowing what you'd gone through before and the extra space in your heart you've made for him - it's like you were made for each other.

Have the best Christmas

Binka

notjustsweet wrote: »

Oh my god.
I've been following this and been really sad for you but hadn't read the last update until now...coincidentally i also know quite a lot about Mr B.
I'm actually flooded with happy tears now, I knew he'd gone to a good home but knowing what you'd gone through before and the extra space in your heart you've made for him - it's like you were made for each other.

Have the best Christmas

Thanks, notjustsweet. If you know his story then you understand he's had a tough journey and I have to say he's the sweetest boy and has fitted in really well.
Jacob loves him and they are really happy in each others company.
We still have to be really careful with his leg for many months yet, but he just seems to accept it.