Should I stop drinking

tarab2017

Hi

I've been drinking since I was a teenager, I only drink at social occassions and usually drink 2 nights every month. The problem is that I blackout a lot when I do drink. i am a messy drunk. I can't seem to control the amount when I do drink - i just don't drink very regularly. I've had a few bad blackouts but one still causes me pain. I was sexually assaulted a few years ago and was too drunk to stop it. I don't know if I should completely abstain from drinking because of this? I know i can't continue drinking and never blackout again so moderation won't work but I don't want to stop drinking cause of one incident - but recently i feel plauged by the idea of how i would cope if something like that happened again.

I haven't spoke to friends about the incident for various reasons - the biggest reason being that i feel ashamed and don't think I deserve to think of myself as a victim when i have continued to drink the way I do for years after this.

This has been on my mind lately. Recently, I was at dinner with my friend and her friends, and the conversation of sexual assault (around the time of the George Hook comment) came up - one friend said that she reckons many girls just get too drunk and "think" they have been raped when they haven't and the majority of people at the table said that women need to take more responsibility, etc. I wanted to scream or cry and shout but I said nothing.

I haven't been able to take my mind off all of this since. So basically, I'm wondering what you would tell a friend who's in a similar situation? Should I stop drinking forever?

Lady Mac

tarab2017 wrote: »

Hi

I've been drinking since I was a teenager, I only drink at social occassions and usually drink 2 nights every month. The problem is that I blackout a lot when I do drink. i am a messy drunk. I can't seem to control the amount when I do drink - i just don't drink very regularly. I've had a few bad blackouts but one still causes me pain. I was sexually assaulted a few years ago and was too drunk to stop it. I don't know if I should completely abstain from drinking because of this? I know i can't continue drinking and never blackout again so moderation won't work but I don't want to stop drinking cause of one incident - but recently i feel plauged by the idea of how i would cope if something like that happened again.

I haven't spoke to friends about the incident for various reasons - the biggest reason being that i feel ashamed and don't think I deserve to think of myself as a victim when i have continued to drink the way I do for years after this.

This has been on my mind lately. Recently, I was at dinner with my friend and her friends, and the conversation of sexual assault (around the time of the George Hook comment) came up - one friend said that she reckons many girls just get too drunk and "think" they have been raped when they haven't and the majority of people at the table said that women need to take more responsibility, etc. I wanted to scream or cry and shout but I said nothing.

I haven't been able to take my mind off all of this since. So basically, I'm wondering what you would tell a friend who's in a similar situation? Should I stop drinking forever?

Hi tarab,

I can relate to your experience a lot. When I drank I would blackout more often than not. Some nights I'd be fine but towards the end there were less of those. Up until about a year before I stopped nobody would have said I was messy. In fact most commented on how much craic I was when I was that drunk (I'd do things I'd never do sober so was highly entertaining🙄) . It did get a little bit worse towards the end though and I found myself in rows with my partner and friends.

I also had a bad experience with a guy in my teens and it stayed with me for a long time. I assumed it was partly my fault though because I was so drunk. Now I know that it wasn't.

I'm 31 and quit drinking 2.5 years ago after yet another night when I promised myself I wouldn't drink to much but of course did. For me there was a bit more to the story. I was also drinking wine at home but only in the evenings and not enough that people were noticing. I had had that nagging feeling that I shouldn't be drinking for years. I asked questions like you've just asked to myself and on forums like this. The answer I always got and the answer that I now know to be the only one is that only you can decide. Only you know if drinking is causing you enough pain to make it worth quitting.

I'm a big follower of sobriety blogs and love this post from Holly Whittaker of Hip Sobriety. She's quite controversial and alternative in her attitude and approach to problem drinking and recovery but I love her writing and agree with a lot of what she says.

http://www.hipsobriety.com/home/driinkingproblem?rq=drinking%20problem

I've had a lot of therapy around the reasons I drank the way I did and also that bad experience and it really helped me so I'd definitely advise going down that route. It might eat away at you otherwise.

Hope you find this link helpful.

X

The Bishop Basher

tarab2017 wrote: »

Should I stop drinking forever?

As Lady Mac has said, you and only you can answer that question..

But forever is a very long time..

Why not stop for a while ?

Maybe just try a month or 2 and see how you get on ?

daheff

Maybe dont drink so much? If you are drinking a lot (which it kinda sounds like you are), then you end up with being in situations where people can prey on you being inebriated. Don't get so drunk you cant look after yourself (cos there are too many scumbags out there who will try to take advantage)

Also if you find yourself blacking out, you've either drank too much or should change what you are drinking. From personal experience I've found that some drinks I blackout really easily, some i dont (no matter how much I can reasonably drink).

Lady Mac

Great suggestion from Swanner. This is actually what I did prior to quitting for good. I took 3 months off...well actually 2 months and 3 weeks. I figured at that stage that if I was able to not drink for that length of time I couldn't possibly have a problem. The first night I drank I was fine but by the second I was back to blacking out and on it went again until thankfully in May 2015 I woke up one morning and just finally accepted that I would never be able to moderate and that I was sick of trying to anyway.

tarab2017

daheff wrote: »

Maybe dont drink so much? If you are drinking a lot (which it kinda sounds like you are), then you end up with being in situations where people can prey on you being inebriated. Don't get so drunk you cant look after yourself (cos there are too many scumbags out there who will try to take advantage)

Also if you find yourself blacking out, you've either drank too much or should change what you are drinking. From personal experience I've found that some drinks I blackout really easily, some i dont (no matter how much I can reasonably drink).

I can't stop drinking once I start feeling tipsy. Of course, I have tried many different ways and times to drink less, but it doesn't work or always work. I understand how I got myself into the situation. So it feels at times my only option is to stop drinking together to avoid the possibility of it happening again or something worse. I don't know, surely if I could moderate that incident would have scared me enough not to get too drunk again...

tevey08

I have a friend who blacked out a good load of times and they eventually figured out it was a specific drink that caused it. For her it was vodka. I don't know if it's an ingredient in the Vodka but it was the cause of the blackouts. That was 8/9 years ago and they've never blacked out again.

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This post has been deleted.

Amazingfun

I can't seem to control the amount when I do drink

This is the first half of step 1 in AA: it's a phenomenon termed a "physical allergy". Only alcoholics have this "I take the drink, the drink takes me" type of reaction, so you're right to be concerned. The fact you were assaulted whilst drunk is again confirmation of the lack of control that is a serious sign of full blown alcoholism, or potential to become one.

I'd suggest leaving it alone entirely and see if you can stick to it. If you find you cannot, then maybe you need to think about getting some help. AA is all about focusing on what happens when you drink, not so much the frequency of it. Although many of us did drink heavily, it's not the case for all.

Also, imagine you had this issue with say, peanuts. Do you think you would be having such a hard time putting them down?
This is again a common theme I see with alcoholic people: we just cannot leave it alone, no matter how much we need or want to.

If interested, take a read of Dr. Silkworth's piece and see what you think:

We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action
of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an
allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and
never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types
can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having
formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost
their selfconfidence, their reliance upon things human, their
problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to
solve. Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which
can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and
weight.

http://www.silkworth.net/gsowatch/litbook.pdf

Murt10

Hi TaraB

From what you have said you were sexually assaulted and never got over it. You have done, what a lot of people do with painful memories, you have tried to forget and bury it inside you.

However, all the negative feelings and thoughts associated with it are still alive inside you, looking for a way to get out, to express themselves.

What you are presently doing won't work and the misery won't go away. It will continue on in your head, twisting everything. It is making you feel unhappy and as a result you will continue to drink to excess for the relief and numbness that that brings you while you are under the influence.

I'm no councillor, but I really think you need to contact the Rape Crisis Centre for advice and help.

Here's a link http://www.rapecrisishelp.ie