Losing Motivation / Stuck in a rut

FossilFoe

So I've been losing motivation for the last few months. I haven't been putting much work into college at all. I think I regret doing the course but its the final year ( part time ) so I feel I should be putting more work into it. I kind of sabotage myself by completely ignoring the workload / procrastinating until the very last minute.

Work is going ok but I'm not sure if its what I want to do be doing. Its a good company , the salary is good but its beginning to get a little repetitive. I'd look for something else but I'm not entirely sure what I would like to do. I know I could probably find a job easily enough in something else as Dublin seems to be booming in that sense but it can be hard to find motivation when I'm not sure what I want out of the job.

My social life is a bit odd. I have some friends I can go out with but I think they are just essentially drinking buddies. I have other friends from home but most of them have moved abroad. I wouldn't be the most extroverted.

I guess I'm just stuck in a rut at the moment and not sure how to go about picking myself up.

My dating life is kind of **** too and using Tinder etc seems kinda forced. I've never used dating sites before but I guess I could start. The last GF I had was about a year ago and still think about her quite often. Having said that I don't really want a relationship at the moment until I get myself into a better place.

any tips on getting out a rut ?

eet fuk

You have pretty much described my life right now too! The good job, the ex girlfriend, tinder, slightly introverted tendencies....

I have particularly been thinking over the friends/drinking buddies situation. I have a feeling most men in Ireland are in a similar situation where a lot of meetings with mates involve boozing but I guess it depends on your perspective.

I went to a therapist for a while to work through these numb feelings and I did find it helped a bit, but the hard work has to be done by me - by that I mean I need to learn to change how I view the world and then shape it in a way that suits me. That’s hard to do but it’ll be so worth it if I can make it stick. Would you consider talking things out with a professional? It may help to find the exact problem if not the solution.

Also might be worth changing your routine a bit if possible. I joined a small group training gym and I go straight after work every day now. It hasn’t solved all of my issues by a long shot, but it at least gives my mind a rest from worrying about my life direction and let’s me focus.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to suggest this but feel free to give me a pm

Rubberchikken

If it hasn't been going on too long then maybe exercise like previous poster suggested might help.
I realise it's hard to motivate yourself at times but sometimes doing something different helps.
And exercise is great for the head.
Have any of these friends girlfriends with friends that could be introduced to you?
Maybe tinder isn't the right place at the moment.

Tenigate

Hi Op.. I'm going to guess you're in your 20s or early 30s?
You have a good job that's unfulfilling. And you're doing a part-time course because.....? I can understand why you're working as bills need to be paid, but why are you doing the course when you have no idea what you want to do work-wise? And if you loved either the job or the course, surely you'd have made contacts, friends even, who are equally passionate of the subject matter...
If you're doing something just for the sake of doing something, that's fine. It's better to do that, say, than playing computer games or watching netflix. But don't sleepwalk too long.
There are endless exercises and peptalks on the internet about finding your passion. Maybe too many, but look up a good one and promise to follow the advice no matter how ridiculous it sounds. It might be what you need to find your passion. One question worth asking is "if I had to leave my house at 8am every day and not get home til 10pm, every day, and I could spend those days however I liked, how would I spend those days?" Another is "if money was no object-, what would I do?"

FossilFoe

eet fuk wrote: »

You have pretty much described my life right now too! The good job, the ex girlfriend, tinder, slightly introverted tendencies....

I have particularly been thinking over the friends/drinking buddies situation. I have a feeling most men in Ireland are in a similar situation where a lot of meetings with mates involve boozing but I guess it depends on your perspective.

I went to a therapist for a while to work through these numb feelings and I did find it helped a bit, but the hard work has to be done by me - by that I mean I need to learn to change how I view the world and then shape it in a way that suits me. That’s hard to do but it’ll be so worth it if I can make it stick. Would you consider talking things out with a professional? It may help to find the exact problem if not the solution.

Also might be worth changing your routine a bit if possible. I joined a small group training gym and I go straight after work every day now. It hasn’t solved all of my issues by a long shot, but it at least gives my mind a rest from worrying about my life direction and let’s me focus.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to suggest this but feel free to give me a pm

Yeah you are probably right about the drinking buddies thing and a lot of men are probably the same with most meetups. I might try meetups.com or something to get a more varied social experience or sometihng.

I would consider counseling . I know some of my friends have gone for one reason or another and it has helped some of them.

Wouldn't be a big gym person. five a side or some team sport might be a good starting point for me though.

FossilFoe

Rubberchikken wrote: »

If it hasn't been going on too long then maybe exercise like previous poster suggested might help.
I realise it's hard to motivate yourself at times but sometimes doing something different helps.
And exercise is great for the head.
Have any of these friends girlfriends with friends that could be introduced to you?
Maybe tinder isn't the right place at the moment.

Yeah they would have girl friends. I'll probably have a couple of events coming up around christmas with them so its worth a shot.

FossilFoe

Tenigate wrote: »

Hi Op.. I'm going to guess you're in your 20s or early 30s?
You have a good job that's unfulfilling. And you're doing a part-time course because.....? I can understand why you're working as bills need to be paid, but why are you doing the course when you have no idea what you want to do work-wise? And if you loved either the job or the course, surely you'd have made contacts, friends even, who are equally passionate of the subject matter...
If you're doing something just for the sake of doing something, that's fine. It's better to do that, say, than playing computer games or watching netflix. But don't sleepwalk too long.
There are endless exercises and peptalks on the internet about finding your passion. Maybe too many, but look up a good one and promise to follow the advice no matter how ridiculous it sounds. It might be what you need to find your passion. One question worth asking is "if I had to leave my house at 8am every day and not get home til 10pm, every day, and I could spend those days however I liked, how would I spend those days?" Another is "if money was no object-, what would I do?"

Yup im in my mid 20s. Ah the course was offered for free and initially enjoyed the thought of doing it. First year was fine and I enjoyed aspects of it but I've just lost motivation for it. Gotten a little better at this week but its a lot of work.

Thats pretty good advice actually and sleepwalking is a good way to describe it. I will give that a go when I have some time.