Ridiculous concern sibling may be half sibling?

LegacyUser

I was having lunch today and talking with an acquaintance about something or other and showed him a picture of me and my brother. He remarked that we didn't look alike and asked if we were full siblings. He said this respectfully (and I live in New York where half-siblings are more common) so him saying that doesn't bother me. But he hasn't been the only one to say that. I showed an older colleague the same picture a while back and he remarked that we look nothing alike either and while he was also respectful, I could read into that he was questioning things too. Could my sibling be a half-sibling?

I am 32 and my brother is 30. He is 6 inches taller than me (and is taller than both my mother and father), he has jet black hair when me or none of my relatives on any side have that (I have light brown hair) and we don't have any common or similar physical characteristics - none! I look very much like my father's side of the family while he doesn't. But he doesn't look particularly like my mother's side either though. I remember that in conversation growing up that it was always mentioned that we didn't look alike. The older we get, the further apart we look.

Even in personality, he is very much the 'black sheep' of the family on both sides. My mother tends to look after him more whereas my father and him have a more turbulent relationship.

To give background, my mother had an affair with another man ten years ago(she acted terribly) and now lives with him in Dublin. So it is not something that is outside the realm of possibility. She also has issues with alcohol. Growing up, there were always arguments in the house and I wonder if this was something that could have contributed to it?

I am a little in shock and it is something that appears to have knocked me for six. As if I should have realised all along. Tell me that this is natural, I am being stupid and something that I am that I am reading too much into? This never happens - right?

Airyfairy12

Its not ridiculous at all, a friend I had from school discovered a few years ago her and her sister are half sisters, it's blatantly obvious as both her parents are blonde. One sister is a short, skinny brunette with model good looks, the other is blonde, tall, broad, heavy set, total different body shape to her sister and their faces arent similar at all. Two girls I went to school with discovered their older sister was a half sister too. It's more common than people think. Could you ask your parents? or your brother if he'd think about getting a dna test?

Big Bag of Chips

Me and my sister are nothing alike. You would never pick us out as related. I'm older, but she's taller. Facially we're nothing alike. My husband has 2 siblings that look nothing like the rest of them, or each other.

It happens.

There's a chance your brother isn't your dad's son. There's also a chance you're not your dad's. But does it matter, and is it worth the upset to suggest and find out? Would it change anything?

retro:electro

Me and my sister look nothing alike. I'm tall and fair she's short and dark. When she goes on holiday she comes back a different race whereas I get freckles and nothing more. It's not that unusual for siblings to look nothing alike. If it's only his comments about your dissimilarity that's motivating your concern, that's not really enough to further the theory that he isn't your full brother.
If I had a penny for every time someone said "ye're sisters??" to me I'd be a rich woman. I take it to mean no more than we just don't look alike.

GingerLily

You know who both your parents are (well you think you do), and you know he's your brother (at least your half brother).

I think it's your brothers business to question this and not yours, it would be very selfish of you to bring this up to your family. Your brother may not forgive you if you do.

Kablamo!

Genuinely, would it make him less of a brother to you? It's quite frankly not your place to speculate or meddle in. Biology and genetics work in different ways, you don't have to be a ringer for your family to be a member of it.

pc7

I know two sets of twins in different families that look nothing at like at all. You wouldn't put them as distant relatives let along twins. One set - blonde, blue eyes, curly hair, other dark hair, brown eyes and sallow. Other twins one tall and slim, great head of hair, other short and stocky, bald as an egg. Genetics are funny.

padser

Kablamo! wrote: »

Genuinely, would it make him less of a brother to you? It's quite frankly not your place to speculate or meddle in. Biology and genetics work in different ways, you don't have to be a ringer for your family to be a member of it.

Hmmm, yes it would make him 50% less the OPs brother. That's literally the definition of half brother.

And no, it actually is the OPs place (if they so desire) to try to find out whether they are, and to what extent they are, related to someone purported to be their brother - if that's what the OP wants to do.

While it might not matter to you, and you may have strong views on what makes a "real" brother, the OP is entitled to take whatever path they chose for themselves

zoobizoo

I have 2 brother and three sisters....

I look nothing like my brothers - I'm tall and thin. One is short and stocky. They're both bald while I have a full head of hair.

I look like two of my sisters - but they don't look alike at all and look nothing like my other sister.

None of my sisters look like my brothers...


When someone says to me "you guys don't look alike at all" I just go "yep" and never think any more about it

Teyla Emmagan

Does it matter? Will it make him any less your brother? It happens be easily enough that siblings can be very different looking. I wouldn't worry myself, what difference will it make to you?

LegacyUser

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Does it matter? Will it make him any less your brother? It happens be easily enough that siblings can be very different looking. I wouldn't worry myself, what difference will it make to you?

+ 1 I could maybe understand if this was someone who came out of the wood work as an adult and was looking to claim money/house/inheritance but this is a sibling you grew up with I'm assuming so I'm wondering what result you are looking for OP? Is it just the not knowing that bugs you or do you not get on with your brother/mother/father and think this is something to hold over them or a way to hurt them?

Someone above commented that the OP has a right to know but I would argue there is a different between wanting to know and needing to know. From what they've posted it sounds like the OP just wants to know and I would ask to them to think about the why before asking. If it turns out that your brother is your full brother is he going to be angry with you for thinking otherwise? Are your parents going to be angry with you implying they would lie to their kids? If it turns out to be true will they be angry at you for upsetting the family balance? If you needed to know for medical reasons or similar I would understand but just wanting to know because some random people have commented about a photo?

For the record everyone in my family (both siblings and cousins) has black hair and brown eyes, I'm light brown with green eyes and I'm 100% my parents child as I've the DNA test to prove it.

rannerap

I have a full sister and a half sister, I dont look like my full sister at all, she is short and sallow skinned with dark eyes. I'm tall with light skin and blue eyes. My half sister is the spit of me when I was younger and looks so much more like me than my full sister even though we only share a father who strangely enough I dont look a thing like either. I wouldnt take looks to mean anything at all, sometimes it just works out that way.

GingerLily

padser wrote: »

Hmmm, yes it would make him 50% less the OPs brother. That's literally the definition of half brother.

And no, it actually is the OPs place (if they so desire) to try to find out whether they are, and to what extent they are, related to someone purported to be their brother - if that's what the OP wants to do.

While it might not matter to you, and you may have strong views on what makes a "real" brother, the OP is entitled to take whatever path they chose for themselves

Can you not see how damaging it would be for the OPs brother for them to insinuate that they were born due to an affair and are not their true sibling? Whatever about it meaning something to the OP it means a lot more to the brother.

If I had a sibling that insinuated that against any of my other siblings (or myslef) I would blacklist them and I wouldn't forgive. It's something a nosey trouble maker would do and I would have no time for that.

shesty

My husband, myself and one child have very dark brown/black hair.My other child has light brown hair with golden streaks and is not similar at all

She's definitely ours but no clue where that hair came from!!!

Looks don't mean much.I suppose you could enquire but really think about the fallout from it before you do.

pilly

You are definitely reading far too much into it OP. Looks means nothing, as you've seen in this thread families are wildly difference in appearance.

My two sons are over 6 foot, their sister is 5ft 2in and looks nothing like either of them.

If they were to question her origins both I and she would be deeply hurt.

I agree with others on here, it's not for you to question.