Do ex's get back together?

LegacyUser

Hello all,

Do ex's get back together?

Myself and my OH recently split up, OH broke up with me.
I guess I have hopes that we will get back together but is looking unlikely as it has been about a month since last contact. The break up was very calm, no shouting or fighting.
I don't want to go too much into detail about my break up but would like to hear from people that have gotten back with their ex, being the dumper or the dumpee and how long it was between break up and reconciliation?

Thanks

Jamaican Me Crazy

Breakups happen for a reason, just always keep that in mind. Rather than pinning your hopes on something that might not be right for you try to keep busy, take up a hobby, spend time with friends, all that stuff.

Broke up with my ex, we were split for about 6 months. We got back together for about 3 more years but the trust was damaged and to be honest it never fully came back.

Airyfairy12

Ive gotten back with ex's a couple of months after we'd ended it. It never worked out but thats just my experience, my friend and her partner broke up for over a year before getting back together, theyre now married with two kids. Another friend was on and off with her partner for along time, they both matured and now theyre engaged with a house and kids. Everyones different, it depends on your relationship and what you both want.

witchgirl26

I always think that ex's are ex's for a reason and unless that reason changes, then no it can't work again and a repitition pattern starts that isn't healthy to anyone.

An example is my sister - she went out with a guy for about 6 months but they broke up because he was being quite immature and would never put her before watching the football of a weekend. 3 years later they got back in touch, he'd matured, she'd mellowed a bit and 9 years later they're married with a family. The reason they first split was no longer an issue when they met again.

I got back together with an ex years ago and quickly realised that nothing had changed (despite initial appearances) and it ended again.

ibarelycare

Some do, some don't. The relationship ended for a reason. Instead of holding out hope that there will be a reconciliation, you should start accepting that it's over and focus on moving on.

Dial Hard

Do exes ever get back together? All the time.

Does is ever work out? Far more rarely.

As the poster above said, unless the reason for break-up has been resolved or disappeared in some way, usually all that happens is that one or both parties remembers why they broke up in the first place.

You need to ask yourself what will have changed if you get back with your ex. What will be different this time that will prevent you breaking up again?

LegacyUser

OP here,

The reasons for the break up were very minor and could be fully resolved.
OH pointed out issues a few times 2-3 years ago and I did not act upon them.

Since the break up OH has gone completely silent

witchgirl26

Clueless12345 wrote: »

OP here,

The reasons for the break up were very minor and could be fully resolved.
OH pointed out issues a few times 2-3 years ago and I did not act upon them.

Since the break up OH has gone completely silent

They may seem minor to you but if it was worth ending the relationship to your ex then they weren't minor to them. Especially if they'd been brought up before and nothing had been done. There may be an expectation there that nothing would change.

OP you need to take some time for yourself now. Maybe look at the reasons and how you can work on them for yourself but don't do it with the hope that it would mean the reconciling with your ex. It may do but it also may not and you'd have to accept that. Give your ex some space, respect their decision.

doitlikeadude

OP, maybe you should stop referring to him as your 'OH'. He is now your 'ex'. By giving him the other half title, you're not really helping yourself with the process of getting over him. It's been a month and no contact. Time to move on

MartyMcFly84

I went out with my girlfriend of for about 5 years through college. Over that time we did the long distance thing for some of it and when she came back I wanted to go away. I wanted to travel around a bit and she seemed to want to start a career and stay around. After a couple months of not taking things serious and me being non committal, she's started a relationship with someone else, and I was heart broken at the time. (The old you dont know what you have until its gone).

Our lives went separate ways and to different continents and different long terms relationships. There was always a small part of my heart thinking of her from time to time.

About two years ago we found ourselves back in Ireland and neither of us in relationships. After 10 years apart the old spark rekindled after meeting up a few times to catch up.

I have to say we are getting on better than ever, and both grew up in our time apart (me definitely more so ) . We are both really happy going on 2 years back together and I am looking forward to our future together.

Faith

They can. I married my ex, but there was a tremendous amount of work involved on both sides in resolving the issues, and we hit any number of speed bumps that nearly broke us up again. We're incredibly happy now, but I do think we were the exception, due to the combination of our personality types.

Also, both parties have to want it. Two of my friends broke up, and everyone was 100% convinced that they'd get back together in time (even them, I think). But the issues that caused the break up never really resolved, feelings were too hurt on one side, one party was too emotionally closed off to open themselves up to the possibility of pain again, and I don't think they have even laid eyes on each other in years now. One's in a new relationship, and as far as I know, the other is still pining for the lost relationship.

FGR

I'm in the opposite boat. I split up with my ex four weeks ago and regretted it the very minute I opened my mouth.

Now I'm doing as much as humanly possible to make it up to her - though she's not having any of it - and I can't blame her.

Is it now a case of just ceasing contact - as it's something I don't think I have the strength to do.

Estrellita

Clueless12345 wrote: »

Hello all,

Do ex's get back together?

Myself and my OH recently split up, OH broke up with me.
I guess I have hopes that we will get back together but is looking unlikely as it has been about a month since last contact. The break up was very calm, no shouting or fighting.
I don't want to go too much into detail about my break up but would like to hear from people that have gotten back with their ex, being the dumper or the dumpee and how long it was between break up and reconciliation?

Thanks

Focus on yourself instead of reconciliation. I know it's not what you want to hear. When you miss someone so badly it feels like there is no future. Start looking after yourself and your needs. Spoil yourself. Maybe a new haircut for the new you. Trip to the beauty salon to pep yourself up. Book a holiday with friends. Do anything that boosts your confidence and gives you new goals or something to focus on.

Be kind to yourself, and please don't contact him. You are prolonging your own healing process. Take care of yourself.

amtc

My aunt once told me it's like scratching a scab. It heals and you pick it open. She got back with her ex after 20 years and two continents....but didn't work. It's one of those questions which is how long is a piece of string?

SNNUS

1. Don't pick up the phone.You know he is only calling cos he drunk and alone.
2. Don't let him in ..........

Soulseeker333

Estrellita wrote: »

Focus on yourself instead of reconciliation. I know it's not what you want to hear. When you miss someone so badly it feels like there is no future. Start looking after yourself and your needs. Spoil yourself. Maybe a new haircut for the new you. Trip to the beauty salon to pep yourself up. Book a holiday with friends. Do anything that boosts your confidence and gives you new goals or something to focus on.

Be kind to yourself, and please don't contact him. You are prolonging your own healing process. Take care of yourself.

Think that's the best advice in your situation. My OH and I of 7 years broke up and for the first couple of months I was fixated on getting back together. He wasn't having it so I made my life and happiness my business instead. A year and a half later down my road to happiness and organically we got back together. If its going to happen it'll happen try to enjoy the time in between as best you can.

Best of luck O.P.

bucketybuck

Clueless12345 wrote: »

OP here,

The reasons for the break up were very minor and could be fully resolved.
OH pointed out issues a few times 2-3 years ago and I did not act upon them.

Since the break up OH has gone completely silent

Its such a red flag that you still think of those issues as "minor" despite your ex dumping you because of them.