A good life... but so so miserable

LegacyUser

Hi, gone unreg for this one. I'm not entirely sure where to start with this but anyhow here goes nothing. I apologise if this seems a bit all over the place but I'm trying to give a broad overall picture.

I'm male in my early 40s. Happily married with 2 kids. I have a good permanent job in a relatively good company. I dont love it but its good salary and unfortunately cant see a way out. Financially we are ok. My wife is a stay at home mom as one of our children has special needs / intellectual disability.

Basically I'm not happy. Miserable wold probably be a better word. I'm good at hiding it in front of most people but sometimes the mask slips. I don't have any real friends , I don't drink anymore and the friends I did have were just drinking buddies I guess.

I seem to have lost all interest in life. Everything. I have no motivation, I'm gone lazy, basically just going through the motions. Work, home, sleep mon to Fri, weekend helping with Kids and the fear on a Sunday night. I don't know how much longer I can hack it. Every night I go to bed thinking that it would be no bad thing if I didn't wake up. Hating myself because I can't muster up the wherewithal to do something.


I dont even know why I'm writing this. All I can see is anothe 30 or 40 years of this and I'm shi**ing it!!

I'm just interested if anyone has a similar experience. It all looks great from the outside looking in. but not in were I am.

Thanks for reading

Iddles76

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

There's nothing wrong with the things you've said there about having a good job, a family etc, but there's nothing in your post that says how you're expressing yourself and obviously, you're not. If I was in your shoes, I'd be changing that.

You also seem to be focussing on your job as a source of unhappiness. One of the best pieces of advice I was given is not to expect too much from your job. There's a lot of bull talked about getting a job you love etc, but mostly that's wildly impractical for anyone with responsibilities, we can't all run away with the circus and we do what it takes to pay the bills to feed and cloth our loved ones. I have a great job, but I hate it. I switched off long ago and found my stimulation and ambition elsewhere. I pay the bills and save my energy for what really matters.

If I was you I'd combine those two things and look for a way to help people that will give you some plans and motivation without having to lose the income and security you position gives you. This sounds a bit simplistic, but if one of your kids has special needs I'll bet there's a charity related to those needs that you could be helping. Campaign for them, run a 10k for them, volunteer some time, run their facebook page, help other families in the same boat with some respite care arrangements, whatever. I will bet my next weeks wages that you will feel better about yourself and the world if you make yourself part of something bigger and give your energy to it for a while.

Rubberchikken

A visit to your gp might be a good start.
I know it's fairly standard advice here but it can be a good start.
Personally I think it's sad to be in a job that has the financial benefits but causes a person to dress Sunday nights/Monday mornings.
I had a job like that onemce and the misery I felt I swore I'd never experience again for something I could change.
My job today isn't too important and yes the pay could be better, but I've enough to live on and I don't dread going in.
Could you talk with your wife. Maybe there are ways around this if two minds were involved.
Take care

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

thanks for taking the time to reply and apologies for not coming back to this. my head is a bit all over the place at the minute and finding it hard to deal with pressure of work, home etc.

I know what I need to do.

I need to start looking for another job/career, I need start living my life again, I just cant seem to start, Its like I have this mental glitch that wont let me see the path ahead to get myself out of this.

is it fear? lack of motivation? anxiety? Laziness!!?

I just don't know.

I have been starting to get a tightening feeling across my chest the last couple of weeks, it coincides with a stressful time at work so I guess I need to get that checked now aswell.

apologies for moaning. As I said, head is all over the place.

L

bluewizard

Logan17 wrote: »

I'm just interested if anyone has a similar experience.

You are not alone.

Kidchameleon

Dont apologise for "moaning" OP. You are not moaning, you are talking about your feelings, which is a good thing. Dont keep things locked up. Give one of your friends a shout, im sure they would be happy to meet up for a chat. Talk to your wife. You can get through this. Its never too late to make a change