Found KIK on GF's phone

LegacyUser

Hi all

my GF of two years, who I live with, showed me something on her phone and I saw KIK was downloaded. In a panic, she deleted it and walked away. I confronted her immediately and she has said that she has been talking to a number of guys over the past few years but that their chats were innocent in nature.

She can't show me the app now as KIK is like snap chat... everything is deleted after a few mins. She has told me from now on she is taking the passcode off her phone and is happy I go through everything whenever I want.

We have an open relationship sexually and have numerous threesomes etc. We both had initiated doing this and met online knowing it was what we were looking for. This has shaken me because I thought we were open to each other. I think I believe her but am I a fool for doing this or should I get up and leave.

We are both living together and in 30s. I am very much all over the place right now.

Mr. Incognito

If she deleted it then the chats werent innocent in nature.

I guess she felt she needed to hide something from you.

Up to you how you handle it but the lie would be worse than the cheating if you are in an open relationship. That doesnt work without 100% trust.

beefburrito

Once you go down the road of swinging and threesome's you're no longer a couple who are a couple.
Anything goes really,she's entitled to be on kik if she likes.
At least she gave you free reign on her phone,but that's leading to trust issues.....
I've been there with the threesome's etc asked my exe would she like to spice things up
She was reluctant to go there but she decided to try it the once for the sake of "been there done that".

Anyhow to make a drawn out story short,she embraced it and really enjoyed it and all the attention,she was an attractive 6"2 toned lady who turns heads everywhere she goes....

She just couldn't get enough of it,and I wanted to go back to being a couple and stop the swinging....
We tried that but she couldn't help wanting more,a friend of mine bumped into her one Saturday night in the Ikandi swinging club in Limerick.
I had my son that weekend.
He said she was having a great night,she didn't know him but he seen herself and myself together about the town.
Anyhow I asked her where she was Saturday night,she said out with friends...
Then I told her my gut feeling say's she was up to something other than that.
So she told me the truth.
We decided to break up even though we really cared about one another.
It was just sex for her,she felt like she was addicted to sex.
Fortunately we always used protection and she was very strident about condoms.

I don't blame her for her acting out,I take half the blame.
Because I got her into the scene in the first place.
We're good friend s now.

But I'd never get into the dark side of that scene ever again.... somebody always gets hurt.

LegacyUser

Think ye are right... like I do think that open relationships can work out but we were never emotionally open just physically with others. It wouldn't be me sitting at home alone looking for others but involved three of us.. always together never alone doing our own thing.

I think she deleted it out of a panic but why bother? I downloaded it there and sent a few random messages to random profiles and when I re-downloaded it a few mins later they were disappeared so I dunno what she was doing.

I'm probably not even making sense right now

LegacyUser

Hi there -

so I think it's for the best if this thread gets closed. I'm not going to glean any new information from it and think I just wrote it when very upset.

Going to go home to my mother for a few days.

Mods, please close this thread.

LegacyUser

KIK_phone wrote: »

We have an open relationship sexually

Really? What's the problem so? I mean if you're truly in an open relationship, she's not doing anything wrong, yeah? Or is it that "open" just means she can do what you agree to, so long as you're involved, so long as you get to allow or deny it?

I suspect very few people are actually cut out for being in an open relationship and what the people who claim to be mean is that they can tolerate it so long as they're not confronted with the reality of the relationship they've "agreed" to and they never have to admit that their partner in actual fact has other partners and they're a partner in name only. I know some people in open relationships and some who swing and this wouldn't faze them. I know some who thought they were able, but realised it's just a breeding ground for jealously, resentment, stress and breakdowns.

I don't think you're one of the people who are able for it and suddenly it's hit you. Maybe what you need is to start being honest instead of imagining or pretending that this arrangement suits you.

Dial Hard

I'm kind of confused - if you're in an open relationship then what's the problem?

Pyr0

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'm kind of confused - if you're in an open relationship then what's the problem?

I reckon it's the fact that she's hiding her chats with other people and not being open about interests with others. A lot of couples in open relationships only get involved with others when both people are informed and happy with the set up, if it's just one person in the relationship working away with other women/men it's seen as a breach of that trust/agreement.

ahnow

Hi, I've had kik on my phone on and off the past year-it's not like Snapchat in that the messages deleted themselves after a while. It's more like Whatsapp in that regard. They only dissappear if the app is deleted or the chats are manually deleted.
If you reinstall the app without having manually deleted the chats, the people she has been speaking to will still appear on the interface, if that's any help.

Gorgeousgeorge

You share your gf with other dudes an your worried about kik messenger. Jaysus

Big Bag of Chips

Thread locked as per OP's request.
If you'd like it reopened, OP, you can contact one of the mods in confidence.