first time parenting book

bramblec

HI, Can anyone recommend a good parenting book for the early days.
Or if there is a specific one for twins.
I think gina ford was all the rage a few years ago...?. is it still popular

Neyite

Gina Ford is very regimented I think. I certainly didn't like her book.

I read from a few different sources rather than one person's opinion and had a few good friends who had older kids that I could ask their advice on various things. So, I read threads on here, on other parenting websites, googled stuff and had a few books that I picked bits that I liked from.

I liked The Baby Whisperer but it was clear that she knew very little about breastfeeding so her advice there fell down. But some of her book was useful.

The What to Expect - the First year was in the house. I probably looked up stuff in it the first few months but the OH read it a fair bit.

For weaning, Annabel Karmel has some brilliant recipes. The HSE used to give you a book a few years back of toddler meals and while some of the recipes sounded lovely, they looked either too time consuming to put together or required unusual veg or herbs or things you might not get in your local Dunnes or Lidl - and who's got time for trekking to all the various supermarkets and niche grocers to get that one missing ingredient.

Down the line for potty training I used the 3-day method book. Anyone I've passed it on to have also found potty training to be ridiculously easy. My lad got it in 2.5 days and was dry day and night. So I'd highly recommend that one.

Neyite

Oh - the Wonder Weeks app is a lovely informative app to download too.

seamus

What to expect is probably the best tbh. It doesn't have any fad "methods" Gina Ford or assumptions about what child must or mustn't do. It's more like a travel guide for parenting rather than a how-to book, and that's a good thing because no two children can be reared the same way.

beertons

Save Our Sleep. Excellent book.

Blingy

Neyite wrote: »

Oh - the Wonder Weeks app is a lovely informative app to download too.

The wonder weeks book is good too. Good to know why baby suddenly becomes fussy...usually yet another leap.

mrsmags16

The Gina Ford was one of the funniest things I've ever read, but it may as well be a fantasy novel. Oh and she has no kids!

irishgrover

I'm not sure any book can prepare you for parenting twins.....
I'm not sure if they have arrived yet, either way congratulations.......things I would recommend for the 1st few weeks, genuinely

1. If someone (friend or family) offers to do something for you, then let them do something for you...make a meal and freeze it, cut the grass, do the ironing, take the other kids (if you have any etc), absolutely accept all offers of help at all times
2. put a pillow and a blanket/duvet in every room. If you have the opportunity to put your head down for 5 or 10 minutes to sleep, it will genuinely make a difference
3. Don't freak out if you don't want to or can't breast feed. It does not come easy to all and it's almost impossible for others, especially with twins
3. Industrialise the bottle making process - do 18 in one go and put them in the fridge.
4. By a second kettle (for bottles)
5. By 2 sterilisers
6. Dress them exclusively in baby grows for as long as you can - it's much easier.....
7. Buy many many many bibs
8. Buy many many many many terrycloth nappy thingys and use them for burping and feeding and puking and everything else
9. Try to replicate things upstairs and downstairs where possible, eg baby changing places, nappy wrappers, moses baskets
10. Prepare for exceptional tiredness, genuinely exceptional tiredness.
11. If you have a partner, your relationship may be strained, your will both be tired and emotional, respect that and make considerations for it.
12. Be warned that you will question yourself, you will fear that you cannot cope, you will think you are inadequate, you may think you are not a good parent. All (well most) self doubt will pass
13. All tiredness will pass
14. No matter how tired you are there will be many moments in every day where you will look down and think "holy crap, I made those, I ****ing rock" - you do
15. After 4 to 6 weeks it normally gets much easier.
16. There is something totally unforgettable and unique about holding two babies at once.
17. They maybe be very different birth weights.
18. They will have very different personalities.
19. They will develop at different rates. This is normal. You should not compare their development to each other, they are different people who will develop in different ways
20. Try to notice the way they interact with each other, even at a very young age. It's nuts, they know and love each other and will be very tactile and seek each other out and gain comfort from each other.
21. Every child is special, but there is something very uniquely special about twins and multiples.
22. When they get a bit older (a few months old) you will notice when they are angry or fighting with each other - it's gas
23. When they are vocalising, but before they can actually talk, they will sit together and chat to each other for ages.
24. Have a printed table and populate it with basic information for each child, simple stuff such as

• sleep time
• bottle time
• amount taken
• nappy change time and if nappy is wet / dirty

*The reason for this is that you will, due to exhaustion confuse the babies at some point, try to fed the same one twice, then get concerned that they are not eating, then get worried that the one you have just fed is screaming with hunger etc.
25. If you have a partner, try to come up with some sort of split shift rota. I used to do 5am to 8am, then go to work, then come home, do 6pm to 10pm and goto bed. when I was doing a shift my wife tried to sleep and vice versa.
26. You made them, you love them more than anyone else, you will know what is best for them. Take advice from everyone you want, buy act with confidence, because you are the best parent that they will ever be lucky enough to have.
27. Enjoy them, for they will grow up, and before you know it you will miss it.
28. Keep time for yourself and for your partner (if there is one). If you care about only your children then everyone will suffer in the long run.

tickingclock

The last post is excellent advice. I've one toddler. I read the Gina Forde book before she was born. Oh god help my innocence and stupidness. I thought she'd sleep just like the book. Many, many sleepless months later I realised my baby was normal not sleeping like a book!! Advice from places like Boards is handy. Best of luck and most of all enjoy motherhood

fits

I bought that Gina ford book for twins. Couldn't sleep after reading it. It went against my instincts altogether. Only good for burning imo

Good advice above. Another point to add is breastfeeding can work out. Join the Facebook groups for breastfeeding twins ( pm me if u want details). They were invaluable.

Psychologeeee

In addition to some of the above, "Your baby is speaking to you" by Dr Kevin Nugent is a super informative read about emotional development of newborns and how they communicate with us. I also like The Incredible Years: A Troubleshooting guide for parents is nice for older kids!

Zebra2016

Psychologeeee wrote: »

In addition to some of the above, "Your baby is speaking to you" by Dr Kevin Nugent is a super informative read about emotional development of newborns and how they communicate with us. I also like The Incredible Years: A Troubleshooting guide for parents is nice for older kids!

I second those suggestions, I love the way Kevin nugent speaks about the newborn !

Psychologeeee

Zebra2016 wrote: »

I second those suggestions, I love the way Kevin nugent speaks about the newborn !

I've been lucky enough to hear him speak in person about newborns. He does a wonderful job of reminding us that they're little people with their own set of needs and skills!

smaoifs

What a fantastic post. This has really covered almost everything whether you have one or ten babies! I'll just add a little on a few points.

irishgrover wrote:

1. If someone (friend or family) offers to do something for you, then let them do something for you...make a meal and freeze it, cut the grass, do the ironing, take the other kids (if you have any etc), absolutely accept all offers of help at all times - definitely do this, you will have days where you get to 6pm and realise you've only had toast, if someone offers to take the babies for a walk let them, have a shower or nap, have some me time.

3. Don't freak out if you don't want to or can't breast feed. It does not come easy to all and it's almost impossible for others, especially with twins - totally agree. I went with the attitude of if it works out, great, if not, it's not the end of the world.

3. Industrialise the bottle making process - do 18 in one go and put them in the fridge. - 100% agree with this. You'll see advice about only making up bottles in batch if you're travelling. Every single bottle my daughter has had was prepared the night before and put in the fridge. You'll learn very quickly how long to microwave it for (this is also advised against but we've never had any problems with hotspots)

6. Dress them exclusively in baby grows for as long as you can - it's much easier..... - absolutely, kept my daughter in babygros only til she turned 3 months, so much easier!

11. If you have a partner, your relationship may be strained, your will both be tired and emotional, respect that and make considerations for it. - there will be days you cry for no reason and then cry about crying for no reason.

12. Be warned that you will question yourself, you will fear that you cannot cope, you will think you are inadequate, you may think you are not a good parent. All (well most) self doubt will pass - Google can be your friend but can also be your worst enemy.

15. After 4 to 6 weeks it normally gets much easier. - and then again at 10 to 12 weeks and then again...

24. Have a printed table and populate it with basic information for each child, simple stuff such as sleep timebottle timeamount takennappy change time and if nappy is wet / dirty *The reason for this is that you will, due to exhaustion confuse the babies at some point, try to fed the same one twice, then get concerned that they are not eating, then get worried that the one you have just fed is screaming with hunger etc. - I'd recommend this for any parent! Get a whiteboard and marker set somewhere like Dealz or Mr Price, it will be invaluable. There's also lots of apps out there where you can log feed times and quantities and nappy changes and type.

shesty

An addition...if you prefer not to microwave and the bottle warmer takes too long, then boil some fresh water in the kettle, empty some of the cool water out of the bottle, and top it up to the right amount with the fresh boiled water.This can take some practice to get the heat right, but it makes things so much quicker if baby is screaming

rainbow kirby

Sarah Ockwell-Smith's books are well worth a read. She's a big gentle parenting advocate.

pwurple

I found the Dr Spock baby and childcarebooks very useful. Has a lot in there about childhood common ailments too.

Gina ford book someone lent me and i chucked out the window one night I got so annoyed with it. Do not buy.

The baby whisperer was ok, reassuring but that’s about it.

Dr Spock was the best of the lot.