How do I ask her out?

FitnessLife

Gonna keep this short and sweet.

Got chatting to a girl over a week ago (We're both early twenties) on Instagram through a mutual interest and we have been chatting on and off during this time. I think she is absolutely great. Her personality is infectious.

However, how do I tackle getting to meet her. A few points that may be relevant:
1. We live 4hrs 30mins apart
2. I initiate most of the conversations and she doesnt always reply right away but she really talks to me when she does.
3. Shes really beautiful and im not the best looking guy in the world.

Basically my confidence is rock bottom with impressing women and I wonder if I should try and keep chatting her to build up a rapport with her but risk waiting too long or should I just go for it.

Any advice is much appreciated.
Thanks

Augme

Honestly ask yourself if you want to pursue something with that kind of distance. Also, if your confidence is rock bottom then work on that before worrying about asking someone out or not. You'll find dating a hell of lot easier if you have a bit of self-confidence.

mikeysmith

Don't get too fixated on one woman

Maintain focus on self improvement and women at large

Like you said she's not initiating conversation and its long distance

FitnessLife

Augme wrote: »

Honestly ask yourself if you want to pursue something with that kind of distance. Also, if your confidence is rock bottom then work on that before worrying about asking someone out or not. You'll find dating a hell of lot easier if you have a bit of self-confidence.

Thanks for your reply Augme.
Being honest, if she was willing, I would be willing to give it a go irregardless of distance.
I may have misspoke regarding confidence. My confidence is low when it comes to thinking women would like to date me so if she said yes to my request then the confidence wouldn't be as big of an issue. Im confident in a lot of things about myself but initial interactions with women is not one. If I did go ahead with it, any tips?

Ursus Horribilis

Have you actually spoken to this woman? It's very easy to build someone up into something they're not if you're only messaging them.

FitnessLife

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Have you actually spoken to this woman? It's very easy to build someone up into something they're not if you're only messaging them.

No, all through messaging atm. I know what ya mean though. We just have a lot in common which is what attracted me to her yano.

Augme

FitnessLife wrote: »

Thanks for your reply Augme.
Being honest, if she was willing, I would be willing to give it a go irregardless of distance.
I may have misspoke regarding confidence. My confidence is low when it comes to thinking women would like to date me so if she said yes to my request then the confidence wouldn't be as big of an issue. Im confident in a lot of things about myself but initial interactions with women is not one. If I did go ahead with it, any tips?

Why? Because she's amazing or because you've not many other options at the minute?

Your confidence won't change on whether she says yes or not, trust me on that one. You probably think it will but most likely you'll just constantly second guess yourself even if she says yes. Probably woner why she said yes, and if she was really serious etc etc. That's the thing about confidence, you can't get it from someone else or their actions, it needs to come from you.


As for going ahead with it, just ask her if she'd like to meet up for a coffee/drink.

FitnessLife

Augme wrote: »

Why? Because she's amazing or because you've not many other options at the minute?

Your confidence won't change on whether she says yes or not, trust me on that one. You probably think it will but most likely you'll just constantly second guess yourself even if she says yes. Probably woner why she said yes, and if she was really serious etc etc. That's the thing about confidence, you can't get it from someone else or their actions, it needs to come from you.


As for going ahead with it, just ask her if she'd like to meet up for a coffee/drink.

I get ya. I see a therapist as I suffer from a few mental illness disorders and confidence is a topic im working on. However, she says that its important to get out there and meet new people, talk to women, ask them out if ya want to do it. Thats what will help build my confidence.

Augme

FitnessLife wrote: »

I get ya. I see a therapist as I suffer from a few mental illness disorders and confidence is a topic im working on. However, she says that its important to get out there and meet new people, talk to women, ask them out if ya want to do it. Thats what will help build my confidence.

I definitely agree with that. Meet new people, talk to women, and it will be great for your confidence. But I'd be wary of asking them out as a way to boost your confidence, or as some affirmation that you are good-looking.

If I was you I'd just focus on meeting new people and talking to women. But don't talk to them with the ultimate goal of getting a date etc. Just talk to them like they're a regular person who you're simply interested in getting to know. I'd hold off on thinking about dating until further down the line.

FitnessLife

Augme wrote: »

I definitely agree with that. Meet new people, talk to women, and it will be great for your confidence. But I'd be wary of asking them out as a way to boost your confidence, or as some affirmation that you are good-looking.

If I was you I'd just focus on meeting new people and talking to women. But don't talk to them with the ultimate goal of getting a date etc. Just talk to them like they're a regular person who you're simply interested in getting to know. I'd hold off on thinking about dating until further down the line.

I see where you're coming from but shes just so lovely and beautiful But seriously, ya do make a good point.

Tigger99

I dip in and out of instagram and many of the girls I see on it are heavily photoshopped. You don't know for sure what this girl even looks like. She's a half days travel away and she doesn't initiate chats. I think you'd be better focusing nearer to home.

Ursus Horribilis

FitnessLife wrote: »

I get ya. I see a therapist as I suffer from a few mental illness disorders and confidence is a topic im working on. However, she says that its important to get out there and meet new people, talk to women, ask them out if ya want to do it. Thats what will help build my confidence.

I doubt your therapist meant for you to ask out someone you've never even spoken to who lives several hours away. What she would have been getting at here is that you develop social skills. That you'd get better at social situations, get to know people (locally) and build from there.

Icepick

You have plenty of other options. If you can attract her, you can attract others like her.

FitnessLife

*Update: All a moot point as she has stopped replying. Probably best I didn't ask after all.

Sephiroth_dude

FitnessLife wrote: »

*Update: All a moot point as she has stopped replying. Probably best I didn't ask after all.

Lucky escape I would think, sounds like you had her on a pedestal already and she would be the one calling all the shots and you were doing all the chasing.