What do I make of this?

DeiseDoll

I'm in my late 40s happily married and can't really believe I'm looking for advice here but I don't know what to make of a situation I recently found myself in. A couple of weeks ago I was the only woman on a sport's club outing and a quite drunk fellow member asked me for a lift home - I wasn't drinking at all that day. On the drive home he empathised with my recent health issues and told me he thought the world of me and considered me one of his most solid friends in the club (I'm the only woman on the committee for that particular age group and they think of me as one of the lads!) He then said if I wasn't married he'd be in there with me. I dropped him home, saw him to the door and gave him a hug goodbye as I would do with any of my friends. I wrote off his comment as the drink talking.
I met him yesterday in a group setting and the banter with the lads was along the lines of how long he'd spent in the doghouse, what he had to do to make it up to his wife etc. He was really odd with me, wouldn't make eye contact and throughout the day I caught him looking at me but he didn't make conversation. His wife is a lovely lady and I get on really well with her but he tends to put her down a lot in company which is something a few of us have remarked on. My husband dislikes him but gets on with him in company. BTW I'm not a glamorous, girly, flirty type of person (think Amy Schumer not Amy Adams!). I get on well with the guys and am a qualified coach so very much one of the guys. I've been in this club for 7 years and nothing like this has ever happened before.
I really hope the comment was just drink talk and he feels awkward about it but I'm afraid he really does have feelings for me - I honestly can't read it. What do I do?

Tigger99

Nothing.

But there is a sense from your post that you are v flattered. In fact I thought it was leading up to say you'd slept with him. He sounds like a lonely guy chancing his arm. I'd stay well away from him.

LegacyUser

I'd say he's mortified/doesn't remember 99% of the convo. Lads are lads, wouldn't read too much into a drunk chancer's comments

s4uv3

Stay well clear. Don't let yourself get into a situation where he can make a move again, as things like this never end well. This guy has the potential to destroy two marriages here.
Treat him like you always did, but without the hugs, lifts, or anything that could be construed as affection of any kind.
And if he says anything again, tell him very firmly that you're happily married and not interested.

Sam Quentin

It's all drink bull, jaysizzz we've all done it.. Didn't you notice he was morto lol..

LegacyUser

He's probably morto and you're coming across overly flattered. Chances are he doesn't remember half the conversation. And no offence but lads chancing their arm/checking boundaries don't usually go for the supermodels. It is highly unlikely he has any feelings for you let alone genuine ones and why do you care if he does/doesn't. I wouldn't put self in compromising situation with anyone that has zero respect for your or their own marriage. Maybe leave out the hugs!

Airyfairy12

It sounds like he just feels embarrassed

DeiseDoll

Thanks for all the replies and there was a bit of truth in all of them - today I got the opportunity to put your advice into action. Here's the update I was taking 2 of the lads for treatment this morning at the club and he arrived in. Basically he apologised for what he said, recognising that I wasn't comfortable with it and that he only meant it as a compliment! He thought I needed cheering up and assured me that he'd never jeopardise our friendship by acting on it. I accepted his apology, made it quite clear that I was happy and secure in my marriage and was not at all impressed or flattered by what he said. He apologised again and I just said we'd put it behind us and leave it at that.

My husband's reaction was along the lines of S4uv3 above. He's never liked the guy and said the way he treats his own wife should tell me everything I need to know about how he sees women in general. Despite how my OP may have read, I wasn't at all flattered by this and would've thought I was regarded as the 'mammy' of the group - I couldn't understand why he'd do this. My marriage is in a good place after 24 years together and I'm a bit more thankful for DH today, I'm well past reading into these kind of approaches! Thanks to all who took the time to reply.

leggo

The fact that you went and told your husband says it all. You've clearly got a strong marriage and handled this well. Well done OP.

DeiseDoll

leggo wrote: »

The fact that you went and told your husband says it all. You've clearly got a strong marriage and handled this well. Well done OP.

Thanks leggo. We've had our ups and downs over the years like all couples but found keeping things from each other only makes things worse. We're both secure in our marriage and trust each other completely. DH feels that I've handled this situation in the best way I can. We've chalked it down to experience - you never really know people!