Horrible Bus experience

CroFag

So, this happened a few months ago, but is still bothering me, so i wanna share it with you guys & see what you, the local folks, think about it.

So, I was at the bus stop, on the way to the city center (Dublin), I had my tight jeans on, but apart from that I just had a looks of a "guy from next door".

One big, unattractive man at the bus stop, which looked approx. 15 years older than myself, started staring and then winking at me. First, I thought the poor guy has a soar eye.

Then we got onto a bus & he sat opposite to me, started touching his thighs and then his penis through the pants. I was so disgusted, as even the girl that sat next to us could easily witnessed that.

I got off the bus and felt dirty. Why did this regular looking Irishman thought of me as a sexual deviant? I have quite a rough, Slavic looking face, mens clothes, no make up, no signs of me screaming " I want a gay sex with any bloke, now"!

I know it's not my fault and ever since I feel that local folks have a perverted & utterly wrong prejudice of the people with immigrant looks? I guess I suffered from the same prejudice towards Thai & Filipinos, but since I met decent young people from SE Asia who were proud, brave & independent people.

I'm in love with the Emerald Isle & I don't want to believe that people here are becoming that bigoted & predatory, but rather that it was an isolated incident by a deranged person in need of a medical attention.

beechwood55

How do you know he was Irish?

martingriff

CroFag wrote: »

So, this happened a few months ago, but is still bothering me, so i wanna share it with you guys & see what you, the local folks, think about it.

So, I was at the bus stop, on the way to the city center (Dublin), I had my tight jeans on, but apart from that I just had a looks of a "guy from next door".

One big, unattractive man at the bus stop, which looked approx. 15 years older than myself, started staring and then winking at me. First, I thought the poor guy has a soar eye.

Then we got onto a bus & he sat opposite to me, started touching his thighs and then his penis through the pants. I was so disgusted, as even the girl that sat next to us could easily witnessed that.

I got off the bus and felt dirty. Why did this regular looking Irishman thought of me as a sexual deviant? I have quite a rough, Slavic looking face, mens clothes, no make up, no signs of me screaming " I want a gay sex with any bloke, now"!

I know it's not my fault and ever since I feel that local folks have a perverted & utterly wrong prejudice of the people with immigrant looks? I guess I suffered from the same prejudice towards Thai & Filipinos, but since I met decent young people from SE Asia who were proud, brave & independent people.

I'm in love with the Emerald Isle & I don't want to believe that people here are becoming that bigoted & predatory, but rather that it was an isolated incident by a deranged person in need of a medical attention.

It was a terrible thing what happened you OP but he was just a sleazy bag and has nothing to with being bigoted.

Ten of Swords

You encountered a disgusting guy on the bus and I'm not surprised the experience has left you feeling dirty and upset, it definitely should not have happened to you.

I'm having trouble with the rest of your post though. You cannot believe that because of this one experience with this one person that Irish (locals) view immigrants the way this man viewed you? If I am interpreting your post correctly you say you had certain prejudices about some asian races but got past them after getting to know some of those people? How long have you been in Ireland? Have you had positive experiences with Irish people? Even if you have only been in the country a short time this person could not possible represent the sum total of every interaction and experience you have had in this country.

CroFag wrote: »

I don't want to believe that people here are becoming that bigoted & predatory, but rather that it was an isolated incident by a deranged person in need of a medical attention.

Which on of these choices do you think it is, really?

flowerbattle

CroFag wrote: »

I got off the bus and felt dirty. Why did this regular looking Irishman thought of me as a sexual deviant?

What do you mean by "sexual deviant"?

Annasopra

I'm not sure what your point is?

If you feel someone fancying you makes you means he thinks you are a deviant then perhaps you are in the wrong forum

Nekarsulm

The fact that you "felt dirty" afterwards, and have decided that this creep thinks you are a "sexual deviant" points to some interesting conflicts going on in your own head .
All of your talk about different nationalities and their faults/characteristics is irrelevant.

baby and crumble

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

I'm not sure what your point is?

If you feel someone fancying you makes you means he thinks you are a deviant then perhaps you are in the wrong forum

To be fair Joey, the actions spelled out in the OP are more than someone “fancying” the poster. That was sexual harassment.

Ten of Swords

Op can choose to explain himself if/when he gets here but before this thread takes a certain direction let me just observe that this appears to have been written by someone who does not have English as a first language. I would guess that sexual deviant, in ops context, was intended to mean something like he felt like a 'piece of meat' perhaps?

ArthurG

CroFag wrote: »

One big, unattractive man at the bus stop, which looked approx. 15 years older than myself.......

While I have some sympathy for what must have been an unpleasant experience, comments about someone's age, size or looks doesn't really help your case.

baby and crumble

I’d love if we could stop blaming the victim of sexual harassment here folks.

GarIT

baby and crumble wrote: »

I’d love if we could stop blaming the victim of sexual harassment here folks.

I'd love if we could stop blaming a whole nation for the actions of one person.

GarIT

CroFag wrote: »

I feel that local folks have a perverted & utterly wrong prejudice of the people with immigrant looks? I guess I suffered from the same prejudice towards Thai & Filipinos, but since I met decent young people from SE Asia who were proud, brave & independent people.

I'm in love with the Emerald Isle & I don't want to believe that people here are becoming that bigoted & predatory, but rather that it was an isolated incident by a deranged person in need of a medical attention.

If you feel that after the actions of one person see a doctor.

The only bigot here is a person who would even consider that a whole nation could be bigoted & predatory based on the actions of one person.

baby and crumble

GarIT wrote: »

I'd love if we could stop blaming a whole nation for the actions of one person.

I honestly don't see what you see in the OP. He's obviously shaken by being sexually harassed in a country that is not his own. He's not saying all Irish people are sexually harassing him.

OP, it's clear that the guy was being a predatory asshole. He is neither representative of gay people as a whole, nor Irish people as a whole- and remember he may not have even been Irish.

If we could stop tarring all groups (Irish, non-Irish, sexual harassment victims etc) with a wide brush that's be really helpful.

Annasopra

baby and crumble wrote: »

To be fair Joey, the actions spelled out in the OP are more than someone “fancying” the poster. That was sexual harassment.

Sorry. You are right. I actually didnt read the post in full and those words sprung out at me as quite odd.

Goodshape

Responses here are reprehensible.

The guy had a ****ty experience with a pervert on a bus, bordering on sexual assault (rubbing your penis in full knowing view of a person in an enclosed space like a bus is deplorable), and we've chosen to take issue with the victims use of words? That's disgusting. Surprised at that from an LGBT forum especially.



Sorry you went through that, OP, and sorry for the responses in this thread. Nobody should have to put up with either. I really do hope (and would like to believe) that it was an isolated incident. It's definitely not a reflection on you though. Wear whatever you want and just be thankful you're not an aul pervert on a bus. Sounds like a ****ty way to be.

J_E

Once there was a guy who started talking to me in the train station while I was waiting for the train. He started asking me if I was gay etc. and asked me what train I was catching. I actually decided to move to a different train going in the same direction just in case he followed me on as I didn't really want to be bothered.

He actually followed me onto the other one and sat beside me, started to stroke my leg/knee and I wasn't sure how to get him to stop without causing a commotion. He asked me if I'd get off at his stop and I refused and moved away.

It was a weird situation to be in, you know? He was being inappropriately forward, but at the same time I guess for guys of a different generation there were different ways of engaging. I didn't feel like I was in danger but it was uncomfortable and a bit harassing.

GarIT

baby and crumble wrote: »

I honestly don't see what you see in the OP. He's obviously shaken by being sexually harassed in a country that is not his own. He's not saying all Irish people are sexually harassing him.

See Below.

Yes, he is.

CroFag wrote: »

I know it's not my fault and ever since I feel that local folks have a perverted & utterly wrong prejudice of the people with immigrant looks?

I'm in love with the Emerald Isle & I don't want to believe that people here are becoming that bigoted & predatory, but rather that it was an isolated incident by a deranged person in need of a medical attention.

Local folks have... I assume local is Irish or a smaller area within Ireland based on the OP, that's racism IMO.

Once again assuming here means Irish or an area within Ireland. OP doesn't want to believe that but the sentence structure implies that he may believe it, or may be considering believing it. That's more racism.

Goodshape

GarIT wrote: »

See Below.

Yes, he is.

Maybe show some compassion for the victim of sexual abuse first, and take issue with their phrasing second, or never.

Just "IMO".

eaglach

Goodshape wrote: »

Responses here are reprehensible.

The guy had a ****ty experience with a pervert on a bus, bordering on sexual assault (rubbing your penis in full knowing view of a person in an enclosed space like a bus is deplorable), and we've chosen to take issue with the victims use of words? That's disgusting. Surprised at that from an LGBT forum especially.

Just because someone is subjected to indecent behaviour, it doesn't give them free rein to say anything without scrutiny. There are contradictory bits like "I feel that local folks have a perverted & utterly wrong prejudice of the people with immigrant looks" which is ironically a prejudicial statement!

If it was me, I would have laughed at the whole situation. I'm not trying to make light of it, or saying that this behaviour is acceptable, but it's one of those things that you have to try and not let it bother you as there's not much you can do unfortunately. I say this because it occurred in a public space. If it was in a more secluded setting it would be a different story.

J_E

eaglach wrote: »

If it was me, I would have laughed at the whole situation. I'm not trying to make light of it, or saying that this behaviour is acceptable, but it's one of those things that you have to try and not let it bother you as there's not much you can do unfortunately. I say this because it occurred in a public space. If it was in a more secluded setting it would be a different story.

I highly doubt you would have been laughing at all if that was you being targeted. Trust me, it strikes a kind of fear in your heart and makes you a lot more shaken than you would think imagining the scenario.

WIZWEB

OP It sounds like an awful experience. Thankfully not common but that doesn't minimize your experience. Over the years I've been groped and had my backside felt inappropriately on the gay scene a few times. By working on my self esteem I challenged later events with the desire for them to stop and think twice about doing it to someone else. It definitely worked for me by being assertive. My body my choices. Bullies in whatever form or location need to be stood up to. Interestingly some of my attempted 'abusers' were more than fifteen years younger than me. That didn't make their actions any more attractive. All scumbags. Whatever their ages or where they might be from they need to be challenged.

Heebie

You could try feeling flattered.
He obviously found you attractive.
It doesn't make what he did "right" but changing the way you think about it might help you deal with it.
You shouldn't feel dirty about someone else's actions, ever.
The only reason to feel dirty is if you enjoyed it and are angry with yourself, or feeling self-hated, for that.
Unfortunately a lot of gay/bi people do have a lot of internalised homophobia/biphobia, that we don't even recognize.
I hope you work through the whole "feeling dirty" thing... It's really not something you should be feeling, full stop.

baby and crumble

Heebie wrote: »

You could try feeling flattered.
He obviously found you attractive.

I’m sorry but no. That’s not the way to look at it. That’s like telling someone who was raped “well at least he fancied you enough to want to have sex with you, what’s the big deal?”

That’s really dangerous thinking. Why are so few people willing to just say this was obviously a scumbag dude who was a total creep and who sexually harassed this young man on public transport? That’s not about attraction or someone thinking you’re cute. If they think that then the max they should do is ask for your number or something. Rubbing your dick through your trousers while staring at someone isn’t designed to show attraction- it’s designed to make someone feel powerless and uncomfortable.

Annasopra

baby and crumble wrote: »

I’m sorry but no. That’s not the way to look at it. That’s like telling someone who was raped “well at least he fancied you enough to want to have sex with you, what’s the big deal?” .

Yep. Really really really bizarre to say try feeling flattered.

wakka12

baby and crumble wrote: »

I’m sorry but no. That’s not the way to look at it. That’s like telling someone who was raped “well at least he fancied you enough to want to have sex with you, what’s the big deal?”

That’s really dangerous thinking. Why are so few people willing to just say this was obviously a scumbag dude who was a total creep and who sexually harassed this young man on public transport? That’s not about attraction or someone thinking you’re cute. If they think that then the max they should do is ask for your number or something. Rubbing your dick through your trousers while staring at someone isn’t designed to show attraction- it’s designed to make someone feel powerless and uncomfortable.

Do you feel flattered when the guy who mugs you thought your phone was so nice that he wanted it?
I know youre trying to make best of a bad situation but its a bit silly..

Annasopra

wakka12 wrote: »

Do you feel flattered when the guy who mugs you thought your phone was so nice that he wanted it?
I know youre trying to make best of a bad situation but its a bit silly..

Was your post asking heebie?

wakka12

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Was your post asking heebie?

Yes sorry,agreeing with baby crumble

Soulred

This story sounds made up to me.

JupiterKid

Soulred wrote: »

This story sounds made up to me.

I would find it believable. I've heard lots of stories of perverts on public transport, usually dirty men who try to sit beside attractive young women and begin to harass them by inappropriate gestures and playing with themselves.

The OP must have felt disgusted after what happened him, but it happens to women all the time.

Soulred

JupiterKid wrote: »

I would find it believable. I've heard lots of stories of perverts on public transport, usually dirty men who try to sit beside attractive young women and begin to harass them by inappropriate gestures and playing with themselves.

The OP must have felt disgusted after what happened him, but it happens to women all the time.

I just can't see it. A man starts winking at a man at a bus stop? It's really unlikely. He's at risk of getting thumped especially as he can't have a clue about the sexual orientation of the man he's winking at.
Then he gets on the bus, sits opposite, and feels his willy.
And no other exchange happened? If he'd winked at me at the bus stop I wouldn't have been look ing at him on the bus. I'd have immediately moved near the driver.
And yes it happens to women. They're not usually stewing on it three months later.

Soulred

Why would anyone feel disgusting after that? If it happened to me would I feel disgusting? Certainly not.

wakka12

Soulred wrote: »

This story sounds made up to me.

What would he get out of making it up though?

baby and crumble

Soulred wrote: »

I just can't see it. A man starts winking at a man at a bus stop? It's really unlikely. He's at risk of getting thumped especially as he can't have a clue about the sexual orientation of the man he's winking at.
Then he gets on the bus, sits opposite, and feels his willy.
And no other exchange happened? If he'd winked at me at the bus stop I wouldn't have been look ing at him on the bus. I'd have immediately moved near the driver.
And yes it happens to women. They're not usually stewing on it three months later.

Jesus Christ. You have no clue.

Soulred

wakka12 wrote: »

What would he get out of making it up though?

Attention from lots of nice gay men online.

baby and crumble

Soulred wrote: »

Attention from lots of nice gay men online.

Don’t bother posting in this thread again if you’re going to go down that road. This is not the place to assume someone discussing abuse is making it up.

Soulred

baby and crumble wrote: »

Don’t bother posting in this thread again if you’re going to go down that road. This is not the place to assume someone discussing abuse is making it up.

I wouldn't call that abuse. But yes this clearly isn't somewhere for a rational discussion.

Big Bag of Chips

Why mention he was unattractive? It was irrelevant to your experience.

I sympathise with you, OP. When I was 19 I was on a regional bus from Waterford. The bus was fairly empty, and a man came down from the front of the bus, sat in the seat across from me, pulled out his penis and masturbated himself to climax. He then went back up the bus to his seat. For years it unnevered me, until recently when I realised the man just wasn't the full shilling. On a Dublin bus, I had a foreign man tell me I had "a lovely face" and that he was looking for an Irish wife. I got off the bus at O'Connell Bridge and ran across at an Amber Man to put a bit of distance between us. He ran after me telling me "not so fast". I went into Centra just to be somewhere bright and with people around. He followed me in insisting I give him my phone number. I only got rid of him by telling him I had no phone and by taking his number instead.

Unfortunately it happens. People with no social skills and or mental health issues or no boundaries or just creeps behave in a way that makes other uncomfortable. We can sit here saying how it shouldn't happen, but that's not going to change the fact that it does. Lots of unpleasant things in life shouldn't happen, but they do.

One man, a few months ago, was a creep towards you. One man. Have you not encountered others since who have been nice to you? Indifferent to you?

You met a creep on Dublin bus.

Manion

Some thing Ive noticed is the different reaction these events get depending on gender and sexuality. With the weinstein revelations I would think we'd be a little more thoughtful on how to respond to people commenting on their experiences of inappropriate advances.

I wonder what conclusions a non native person might draw from the responses so far with regards how much we irish actually care.

Tbh I'd find the experience described in the OP deeply distressing and completely unacceptable.

Big Bag of Chips

Manion wrote: »

Tbh I'd find the experience described in the OP deeply distressing and completely in acceptable.

True, but the point being made by other posters is, this was a one off incident, months ago. But yet from the OP's post he is now believing

CroFag wrote: »

...ever since I feel that local folks have a perverted & utterly wrong prejudice of the people with immigrant looks?..

I'm in love with the Emerald Isle & I don't want to believe that people here are becoming that bigoted & predatory

It was a disturbing thing to happen. I don't think people are disputing that. But people are trying to point out that it was a one off incident with a weirdo months ago. It doesn't seem to be a regular occurrence for them, yet months later he is still tarring the "local folks" and all the people of the Emerald Isle as bigoted and predatory, "with a perverted & utterly wrong prejudice of the people with immigrant looks."

That is just not healthy, OP. And if you are truly feeling that after one experience then you need to seek help with coming to terms with what happened. Finding a good counsellor would be a help to you. Maybe have a chat with your GP. We have no control over other people's actions. Same as the whole population aren't responsible for the actions of one person.

The exact same thing could just as easily happen in your own country.

Manion

There is only one victim in this. TBH some small changes to the sentence structure of the OP and the post wouldn't be interpreted the way you have. Maybe it's because I work with a lot if non Irish people but I think the benefit of the doubt should be applied. People can be traumatized by stuff like this and it can result in an emotional response.

Heebie

Apparently you either didn't read, or didn't understand, anything beyond the first two sentences of my reply.

Annasopra

Heebie wrote: »

Apparently you either didn't read, or didn't understand, anything beyond the first two sentences of my reply.

I dont see the connection between the start of your reply and the end. As I said it is bizarre to suggest flattery.

wintervixen

oh my god ive never had an experience like that thankfully as guy or girl well there was the 50 odd year old Iraqi guy started touching me up in a bar but sure thats bound to happen to anyone lmao one word TASER

baby and crumble

wintervixen wrote: »

oh my god ive never had an experience like that thankfully as guy or girl well there was the 50 odd year old Iraqi guy started touching me up in a bar but sure thats bound to happen to anyone lmao one word TASER

Tasers are illegal in Ireland, please don't advocate the use of violence on the board. Thanks.

CroFag

Thanks to everyone who replied & I apologize if I've hurt anyone with the stark description of the person involved, guess I could have chosen some better words but in all, everything is the utter truth.

I was pleasantly surprised with supportive opinions from so many forum members. Thanks a mil!