Feeling disliked

katicorn

Hi I started college as a mature student this year, really proud of myself for taking this step as ive lived like a hermit for the previous 4 years as I live with social anxiety, social awkwardness and have been agoraphobic in the past. Ive tried counselling a few times over the years and medication but nothing worked. Anyway.. I missed the first 3 days of the course, the introduction and the registration as I was so nervous I didnt sleep for almost 2 weeks before the course started, copped myself on and made it in the fourth day. Everyone was lovely, introducing themselves, making an effort to get to know me, I felt great, my fears were a silly over reaction.. Over the last week ive felt the tone change a bit and its leaving me feeling anxious, self critical and wondering if I can continue with the course.
I was partaking in a group project before break, during the break I went to go outside for a cigarette, but first I went into the toilet. So im in the cubicle when 2 girls from my group walked into the bathroom (they didnt know I was there) they were bitching about someone, I felt it was me they were talking about but I thought to myself, im just being paranoid. They left the bathroom soon after, they just came in to look in the mirror/wash hands so I then left the bathroom and headed for a smoke, when I walked out they were there with another girl from the class, they all stopped talking as soon as I walked out.. I said hi and they just sort of turned their backs to me.
After break we went back into our groups and one of the girls was really nasty to me, cutting over me and rolling her eyes when I spoke, sat with her back to me excluding me from the group, I then overheard her at the next break asking other people in our class to please sit beside her. I felt awful, I went home and cried my eyes out. I get the feeling that some people in the class are really beginning to dislike me and I don't know why? I talk to people and always make an effort but im generally quiet in groups. I'm finding this really difficult to deal with. How do I cope?

Mena

Firstly, get some help for the anxiety and other issues. I know you say you’ve tried, try again. I see how it’s chsnged (for the positive) both my wife and daughter.

Secondly, come to terms with the facts that a) not everyone has to like to and that’s fine and b) you’re there to further your education.

You’ll do nothing but live with regrets if you throw it away basis some people not liking you.

Rekop dog

You're there as a mature student, you need to start living up to the mature part. This involves not getting drawn in by childish petty behaviour and realising what the end goal of all of this is and have that as your sole focus.

From what I remember from college there was always an bit of a attitude towards mature student from certain infantile sections of classes. Don't take it personally and try have a bit more gumption about you.

LynnGrace

Look at all you have achieved, just read back your opening line there and think about all you have had to overcome to get to college. You say 'I feel proud' and so you should.

Check to see if there is a counselling service offered by your college. Have a chat with your GP. Do whatever it takes to manage the anxiety.

Don't let a few people who matter not in the slightest to you make any difference to you. Get that fighting spirit in action, the one that helped you to overcome all those obstacles and go back in there with your head held high.

Be your usual self, and don't worry about others. You are the important one here.

All the best.

HalloweenJack

Second the advice regarding counselling in college. I went to a free counselling service when I was in college and it worked wonders.

Goat the dote

I’m going to throw this one out as a long shot but OP how’s your personal hygiene? I only ask because you said the girl was begging other people to sit beside her. The only time I’ve begged other friends to sit beside me was when one of the group had a personal hygiene issue.

Other than that she might just be a bitch, and there’s people in all walks of life like that. You’ll come across them everywhere.

I’d recommend a visit to the GP/counsellor if the anxiety is getting too much

Ursus Horribilis

What age are your classmates? Back when I was a student, mature students as well have been from Mars as far as I was concerned. Weird adult people who seemed to be interested in studying and were soooo ancient. They probably weren't, looking back, but that's what my mindset was aged 18/19/20.

freshpopcorn

Hi OP,
I went to an all guys secondary school with a little bit of bullying but nothing major. When I was going to college I was expecting this Utopia/mature people/no bullying/etc. However when I go their it was full of bullying mainly from the female members of the class. Comments similar to mentioned. I had no issues with the mature students and they mixed well into the class.
You've got find your only click in the class and you should settle down. Try societies and try to click with people in your class over group projects/helping one another out/going for lunch.
Talk to you GP/etc if you feel you need to.

retro:electro

Rekop dog wrote: »

You're there as a mature student, you need to start living up to the mature part. This involves not getting drawn in by childish petty behaviour and realising what the end goal of all of this is and have that as your sole focus.

From what I remember from college there was always an bit of a attitude towards mature student from certain infantile sections of classes. Don't take it personally and try have a bit more gumption about you.

This.
I was a mature student and because I was in a course I really wanted to do and not just going through the motions after school- not to mention financing it myself- I decided I'm going to take it seriously and I did.
I got all the usual laughter and sniggers from the younger ones (even though I was only about 5 years older than them) for sitting at the front, asking questions and generally having a good attitude to study. I didn't really care though and they weren't long copping on and adapting to my attitude when it came around to exams.

Op some students just take an innate dislike to mature students just because they're mature students. It's nothing personal, they don't even know you. They don't even have to know you. If you've said nothing untoward or not done anything to upset any of them, then I wouldn't worry about it. Assign it as a problem that is "theirs" and not yours.

Hollister11

There were plenty of mature students in my course (Computer Science). They always mingled well, and actually thinking about it they kept the place lively. So it's not an issue with mature students at all imo.

freshpopcorn

Hollister11 wrote: »

There were plenty of mature students in my course (Computer Science). They always mingled well, and actually thinking about it they kept the place lively. So it's not an issue with mature students at all imo.

I would totally agree with this the mature students mingled very well with my college course! The only slight difference was they were in more serious relationships.

Meeoow

Hollister11 wrote: »

There were plenty of mature students in my course (Computer Science). They always mingled well, and actually thinking about it they kept the place lively. So it's not an issue with mature students at all imo.

I was a mature student and got on with most of the class. Agree its not an age issue.

katicorn

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply.
No its not an age issue, this is a postgraduate course, all the students would be considered mature. I dont have any hygiene issues, I shower every day, wash my clothes, wear deodorant and body spray, brush my teeth and always have chewing gum/mints with me as im a smoker.
I have been to gp's and different counsellors for anxiety. The last gp I went to I was adamant I didnt want long term medication as I previous meds didnt suit me, she insisted I try again so I reluctantly agreed, went home and took the first tablet, ended up with serotonin syndrome, I rang the doctor as I didnt know what was happening and just wanted the feeling to stop, they said she'd call me back but she never did, I stopped taking the tablets immediately. Only when I went back to her 3 weeks later and explained what happened she diagnosed the serotonin syndrome and tried to prescribe me new meds which I refused. Ive been on a waiting list to see a counsellor for about 4 months now.

I'm totally aware that not everyone will like me, thats absolutely fine, I wouldnt expect everyone too and im in no way getting involved in any drama, I had never interacted with this girl before the group project at all, besides the odd 'hello' in passing but I honestly felt like I was back in secondary school, think mean girls. Im too old for this and the course is stressful enough especially with social anxiety thrown in on top of everything.

When someone openly excludes you and makes you feel disliked its not a nice feeling for anyone. I suppose im worried about her turning her little gang/clique against me too. I was really feeling positive about this course and this has really dampened my spirits.

freshpopcorn

katicorn wrote: »

I'm totally aware that not everyone will like me, thats absolutely fine, I wouldnt expect everyone too and im in no way getting involved in any drama, I had never interacted with this girl before the group project at all, besides the odd 'hello' in passing but I honestly felt like I was back in secondary school, think mean girls. Im too old for this and the course is stressful enough especially with social anxiety thrown in on top of everything.

When someone openly excludes you and makes you feel disliked its not a nice feeling for anyone. I suppose im worried about her turning her little gang/clique against me too. I was really feeling positive about this course and this has really dampened my spirits.

Unfortunately OP these people will exist for the rest of your life and you just have to learn to deal with them and try not to get worked up over them.
When I was in college something very similar happened to me and I really took it to heart but I just got on with it over the next few days. After a few weeks tough I learnt that lots of people in fact had similar experiences with the girl and she just liked walking around turning her nose up at everybody.

retro:electro

Would you be overthinking things? I know this can go hand in hand with anxiety. I read back your op and there's really not a lot to prove they don't like you. They may not have been talking about you in the bathroom, it could have been a conversation about someone else but they felt compelled to stop when you approached as it was a private conversation.

So that leaves the girl rolling her eyes at you- maybe she's just rude? That doesn't mean everyone else doesn't like you, or that the rest of the class have a problem with you. Maybe you're just overthinking minor details and being over scrupulous? I wouldn't take the fact she's asking others to sit beside her as a disgregard against yourself.
I get the feeling you really want this to go well and you really want people to like you- so much so that you're taking every perceived slight as a transgression against you when it may not even be.

con___manx1

You shouldnt give a crap about them. I suffer with bad anxiety aswell.
I used to care if people liked me or not but now that iv gotten older i dont give a **** who likes me or not.
Your better off making guy friends as they will be much less likely to talk about ypu behind yr back.

trick

Hi OP,

I have a type of avoidant personality issue.
I have suffered with anxiety & depression for as long as I can remember. Uni was horrible.
I missed a lot of weeks & months due to anxiety & the fear that everyone hated me.
I have self esteem issues due to abuse & neglect as a child.

My advice is to get professional help.
CBT has helped me SO much.
I tried councelling over the years but nothing beats a trained psychologist / psychiatrist.
Councelling is great but for the most part they are there to listen. Learning how to cope with my avoidant patterns has helped me to get out more. Facing things head on in CBT sessions have improved my mood greatly

Good luck with your course & stick with it!
You can do it xx

Rubberchikken

Op
It's a horrible and unkind way for that person to behave.
I feel sorry for her because it's probably coming from inferiority but the behaviour hurt you and I'm sorry that happened.
You've done great to override the anxiety and enrol in college.
How are you in the Class? If you're doing well it could be that that's putting this girls nose out of joint.
In which case, ignore her. She's not worth it to be honest and neither are any of the others that get sucked onto her pettiness.