At 37, I feel like such a loser

LegacyUser

I'm feeling really down lately over the fact that my career is very unfulfilling and seems to be going nowhere. Just to give a brief background:

After doing my leaving cert (got a very modest 315 points) I tried college but dropped out as I hated the course (IT - Software Development). Worked at various jobs before joining the Civil Service in 1999 as a Clerical Officer. I'm still in the Civil Service, stuck at the same grade (currently on salary of 37k, nothing special at this stage). I managed to get promoted last year to Executive Officer in an IT role but I absolutely hated it and the only way to get out of it was to revert to CO grade which was a terrible blow to my self-esteem. So basically, 18 years in the Civil Service and I'm still at the bottom of the ladder which is humiliating at my age and makes me feel really depressed.

I just feel totally lost; I've always felt like a square peg in a round hole over the course of my career, never really feeling suited to any job I was in (I've worked in a lot of different sections), but I don't know what else I would like or would be suited to. I've considered applying for promotion again but I look at higher graded colleagues in my job and just think that I'm not suited to or smart enough to do that kind of work. The way I see it, I have three problems:
1) I'm not particularly intelligent - I would say I have slightly below to average IQ (my memory and concentration are terrible) so I don't feel very competent
2) I don't have any third level qualifications and
3) probably most importantly, I genuinely don't have a clue what kind of career I want. I really envy people who know what they want in their careers and work hard to get where they are.

I know some people mightn't have much sympathy for me as I have job security and a decent pension but I would just love to be working at something that I feel more suited to. The money wouldn't have to be brilliant - an average wage would do, as I have no major commitments right now (single, no family, a mortgage that's manageable) but I would like to try something else, I just don't know what I'm suited to or capable of doing.

I'm just feeling really down, not just lately but I've felt like this for the last 10 years or so. I worry at this stage I've left it too late to make the leap in to something else, but at the same time I know that continuing to be stuck in a rut is going to continue to make me unhappy. It's like a dark cloud that follows me every day, the same routine of commuting in to the same crappy job.

They say follow your passions or what you're good at. I guess I have an interest in films, psychology, comedy but don't see how these would translate in to a career. I have used a life coach and career guide before but came up with nothing.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do? Anyone in a similar situation even?

porsche boy

I dont know if this is going to help but as a comparison i'm 38 and started an apprenticeship this year. Its only too late when your dead.
Perhaps a couple of sessions with a councellor might focus your interests a bit.
Goodluck.

Edit: just seen you met with career guidence before.
Perhaps a course in film making might be of interest. Have a friend who done one, invested time & energy in practicing shots & editing neatly. Now makes a modest living making adds for small businesses to show/share on facebook & other social media. Getting a nice portfolio together too!!

Your post is concise and clear, so I am not sure about your 'below average intelligence' comment. It is never too late to jump into something, especially with no kids involved.

However it sounds like you are looking for a career that you will instantly 'love'. Instead, you might need to make a leap of faith into something else, be it a job or course. The 'love' part will come with time. In any event, you need to get out of that job, it seems to me.

Purple Mountain

I disagree with Stunner in do far as don't jump away from this job without alternative security.
On a plus..you're not in a job that's making you ill or being bullied etc.
So stick with it as a means to an end while you work something out.
Look at night course options. VECs etc.
Some career counsellors are better than others. Find a good one!
In the meantime to alliviate this fed up feeling, find a hobby or voluntary position in your spare time to put your spark back.

Ah yeah, I'm not advocating going into financial hardship. When I say 'get out of the job', I mean in the short term future, but not today or tomorrow, and in a planned way, not a haphazard way. Of course alternative funding will be required, but perhaps OP has savings etc, given the lack of kids etc

lalababa

As far as I know there is ample opportunity for sabbatical s in the civil service, how long 1,2 years I don't know. Take one and do something else for awhile

Addle

Lots of people have jobs, not careers.
Your current job affords you many opportunities - career break, education opportunities, transfer opportunities.
Your pay is about the average wage.

Do go see a career guidance counsellor.
It might give you some direction.

Garrett81

Your career is not the most important part of ones life in my opinion. Why are you placing your happiness in to something that really should be only a tiny aspect of the bigger picture. If you think having a very successful career is going to make you fulfilled your way off. As soon as you have it you will be looking for something else. That said loads of people have very fulfilling careers and are happy, but I doubt that’s just down to their careers alone. You only 37 you have another 35 years of a career ahead of you. Take some action and figure out your path, your not the first to feel like this. Best of luck pal.

lazeedaisy

I think it's never too late to change careers, but you do seen to be stuck.

What advice have you been given, as I find job coaches can be quite good at getting at several different directions.

Your current job is obviously not challenging you.

You usually have to strip away at what you enjoy, to find a solution.

You say movies, or comedy. Is it watching movies? Or comedy? In what format?

It takes hard work to tease out what interests you could turn into a job. You don't have to be intelligent, just think outside the box.


I found this article interesting..it's a good place to start



This article was published on the Huffington Post

http://mistysansom.com/know-who-you-are-with-these-25-questions/

How would you answer these questions?

What does your ideal day look like?
What did you want to be when you were younger?
Who are you most inspired by? Why?
Who would you love to meet? What would you ask?
What habit would you most like to break? What habit would you most like to start?
Think of a person you truly admire. What qualities do you like about that person?
How do you like to relax?
When was the last time you did something you were afraid of?
What are you most proud of?
What are you most afraid of?
If life stopped today, what would you regret not doing?
Who would you like to connect (or reconnect) with? Why?
What qualities do you admire in others?
What practical skills do you wish you had?
Imagine you’re in your 90s. What memories would you like to have? What stories do you want to tell?
What is your favorite book/movie/song? Why?
If you could make one change in the world, what would it be?
What do you love to do for, or give to others (not an object – something from you personally)?
What excites you?
What do you wish you did more of?
Pretend money is no object. What would you do?
What area of your life, right now, makes you feel the best? Which area makes you feel the worst? Why?
Let’s jump forward a year. What would you like to have achieved in the past year?
What piece of advice would you give to five year old you? Sixteen year old you? Twenty-one year old you? Right now?
How do you want to be remembered in life?

bottlebrush

Could you afford to work four or even three days a week and use the days off to engage in a hobby you could become passionate about or do an educational course. Doesn't the public sector have a facility for staff to avail of a shorter working year? That way you still have a salary coming in albeit lower but you're spending less time feeling unfulfilled and if it doesn't work out you can go back to full time. I'm in a similar position to yourself and that's what I am aiming towards in the near future.

JennyZ

The grass is not always greener. I'm the complete opposite of you. I joined the civil service about 2 years ago after many years in the private sector. I'm slightly older than you and earning way less than you on the payscale after only two years of service but couldn't be happier.

TallGlass

IT work is dire. You made the right choice getting out.

Hollister11

Garrett81 wrote: »

Your career is not the most important part of ones life in my opinion. Why are you placing your happiness in to something that really should be only a tiny aspect of the bigger picture. If you think having a very successful career is going to make you fulfilled your way off. As soon as you have it you will be looking for something else. That said loads of people have very fulfilling careers and are happy, but I doubt that’s just down to their careers alone. You only 37 you have another 35 years of a career ahead of you. Take some action and figure out your path, your not the first to feel like this. Best of luck pal.

Ah come on, your career is one of the most important parts of your life. You should 40-50 years at it,.

LegacyUser

OP, don't confuse your internal life with someone else's external life. The people you are seeing with everything going for them is probably as full of doubt as you are.

More than anything else you sound like you lack both confidence in yourself and knowledge of yourself. You need to build up your faith in yourself, and you need to be frank with yourself about what you are good at, what you can do, what you can't do, and what you don't want to do.

Caranica

Hollister11 wrote: »

Ah come on, your career is one of the most important parts of your life. You should 40-50 years at it,.

Why? It's perfectly okay for people to try different jobs, follow different career paths. The days of people having a career for life are pretty much gone

TallGlass

Caranica wrote: »

Why? It's perfectly okay for people to try different jobs, follow different career paths. The days of people having a career for life are pretty much gone

I'd say it's not even that careers for life are gone but gone are the days of the handy number and massive pay outs at the end. Businesses learnt there lessons with them contracts.

Sorry veering off topic from the OP.

All I can say OP. I'm thinking the same but look things could be much worse on the other side. Research the ins and outs and then research them again before committing to anything. What you don't want is to make yourself even more unhappy, paid less, worse hours or even more uninteresting work than you can imagine.

Try make waves within your current job into something you find interesting. Your better off with the devil you know than who you don't.

Pac1Man

Hollister11 wrote: »

Ah come on, your career is one of the most important parts of your life. You should 40-50 years at it,.

Only if you let it. I would hate to think mine is. The things I do outside of work are most important parts of my life.


OP it sounds blasé but you need to find something that interests you. I'm in a similar position with regards to having no interest in my job. I refuse to accept that there isn't something more enjoyable out there. You have too long left to be stuck in the same cubicle day after day, having your sense of being wear away.

I don't agree with the grass isn't always greener comment. The grass isn't green where you are now so why not try make it so?

Regarding your intelligence and memory comment; I bet if I asked you to rattle off some facts and figures about one of your interests you would be able to no bother.

Find something you enjoy and you'll be good at it. You mentioned psychology. Do you enjoy helping people? What about some kind of social work?

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here. Just to say thanks a million for a the helpful, constructive advice, I will take on board everything suggested.

I tried working out a plan for change a while back but didnt come up with anything. I think my first step now will be to try anbother career guidance counsellor, the last person I saw was useless.

Someone mentioned taking a career break and this is definitely something I'm strongly considering. I've toyed with the idea of trying some other line of work for a while and seeing how I get on. At least I'd have the safety net of rejoining the Civil Service if that didn't work.

I have looked at night courses such as film studies and psychology in Dublin Business School but the cost is prohibitive. Maybe I could try some other part time course and possibly do a shorter working week.

I've complained about my job a lot but I guess I should appreciate the positive aspects such as job security, working abroad (I've worked in two different embassies) and being funded to do a part time course (even if it was boring ).

I guess up to now I've been stuck in 'paralysis by analysis' mode. I know I need to get up off my butt and formulate a plan now, and do something, even if it's risky. I'm scared I'll make the wrong decision but I know I'll have to do something!

__..__

I have a mate who went on holiday to Asia 4 years ago for 3 weeks and just never came back.
He had a good job but didn't really like it anymore. He loves it over there. I visited him for a couple of weeks last year and he is having the life.

CalamariFritti

Maybe I’m a bit of a loser myself but I think there aren’t all that many fulfilling jobs. Most jobs are just jobs. Stuff that is worth doing for one reason or another so someone will get paid to do it but hardly a vocation.
Maybe the point is to come to terms with life’s mundanity and find your happiness somewhere in there as best as you can?

Garrett81

Hollister11 wrote: »

Ah come on, your career is one of the most important parts of your life. You should 40-50 years at it,.

Your entitled to your opinion but Can you please explain why ones career should be the most important part their life.

LegacyUser

Hollister11 wrote: »

Ah come on, your career is one of the most important parts of your life. You should 40-50 years at it,.

There is a difference between a job and career. I'm an artist so my career is very much part of what I am. My social life is also very tied up in it and I love that. It defines me and drives me but my sister works for a big tech firm and it's a job as far as she's concerned, she gets on there fine but she's not going to do over time or worry about whats going on once she leaves the building. She's home to spend time with family and friends. The job pays for the lifestyle she wants but it doesn't define who she is and she certainly wouldn't view it as being important beyond paying bills.

OP my dad worked in the civil service till his mid 40s, he was depressed and felt trapped. After a lot of family chats, he decided to leave and do aid work overseas. It was like night and day, he went from being depressed to so full of life. It's never too late to look at changing. Ask about taking a sabbatical and exploring options. If you've no major dependents like spouse, kids, elderly parents you've got a lot of options open to you OP.

LynnGrace

OP, I was just about to post to suggest the possibility of a career break and I see from your later post, it's something you would consider.

Promise yourself to make a start somewhere - small steps.

You sound very self aware, and that's a good start. Lots of people change career / jobs at a much later stage than thirty seven, so don't get caught up on that score.

All the best whatever you decide.

Hollister11

Garrett81 wrote: »

Your entitled to your opinion but Can you please explain why ones career should be the most important part their life.

I said it's ONE of the most important parts. Which it is. It's what you do everyday, so it is very important.

Garrett81

Hollister11 wrote: »

I said it's ONE of the most important parts. Which it is. It's what you do everyday, so it is very important.

Very in-depth explanation thank you. And by the way I gave the op my opinion which I stated, I wasn’t looking for yours

Unfulfilled

Unfulfilled wrote: »

The way I see it, I have three problems:
1) I'm not particularly intelligent - I would say I have slightly below to average IQ (my memory and concentration are terrible) so I don't feel very competent

It sounds to me like your confidence is a bigger problem. I have terrible short-term memory, and can have really weak concentration, but I've done fairly well in work and at university (I'm not stroking my ego, just illustrating that these traits are not indicative of intelligence, as most people know from personal experience).

There are lots of different types of intelligence. All that you've established so far is that you don't have a secretarial brain. Then don't be a secretary, or for that matter, a clerical officer. That's a nice job for many people, and is financially stable, but unfortunately it just doesn't play on your individual strengths.

Perhaps the first thing to rule out, is any underlying psychological problems. Are you depressed, or have you ever suffered from depression or anxiety? People can go for years without even recognizing that they have the symptoms, although it might be apparent to a professional; so maybe that's something you might want to reflect on.

As regards developing an alternative career, I think the VEC suggestion was the best one. VEC courses are usually affordable, and allow you to explore alternative interests without committing a huge amount of time and money to a course that you end up disliking.

The only other piece of advice I'd offer, is not to be too liberal with the choices that you offer yourself. Narrow down your interests, and when you do make a choice, make sure you see it through. the worst thing you can do, apart from doing nothing, is to wander from pillar to post, trying a bit of everything and sticking with nothing. Stay focussed and commit.

In terms of general wellbeing, for as long as you remain in your current role, try to improve your self-confidence by engaging in healthy activities. Do you play a sport? Does your workplace have a football team, or another hobby you can develop? I really think that staying active, however you do it, will be an important part of getting you out of this hole, and hopefully improving your confidence.

I really wish you the best of luck. I hope you have a decent network of friends or family who can offer you more specific advice, based on their closer knowledge of your situation. But don't listen to anybody who puts you down, and that includes your own inner voice!

LegacyUser

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

It sounds to me like your confidence is a bigger problem. I have terrible short-term memory, and can have really weak concentration, but I've done fairly well in work and at university (I'm not stroking my ego, just illustrating that these traits are not indicative of intelligence, as most people know from personal experience).

There are lots of different types of intelligence. All that you've established so far is that you don't have a secretarial brain. Then don't be a secretary, or for that matter, a clerical officer. That's a nice job for many people, and is financially stable, but unfortunately it just doesn't play on your individual strengths.

Perhaps the first thing to rule out, is any underlying psychological problems. Are you depressed, or have you ever suffered from depression or anxiety? People can go for years without even recognizing that they have the symptoms, although it might be apparent to a professional; so maybe that's something you might want to reflect on.

As regards developing an alternative career, I think the VEC suggestion was the best one. VEC courses are usually affordable, and allow you to explore alternative interests without committing a huge amount of time and money to a course that you end up disliking.

The only other piece of advice I'd offer, is not to be too liberal with the choices that you offer yourself. Narrow down your interests, and when you do make a choice, make sure you see it through. the worst thing you can do, apart from doing nothing, is to wander from pillar to post, trying a bit of everything and sticking with nothing. Stay focussed and commit.

In terms of general wellbeing, for as long as you remain in your current role, try to improve your self-confidence by engaging in healthy activities. Do you play a sport? Does your workplace have a football team, or another hobby you can develop? I really think that staying active, however you do it, will be an important part of getting you out of this hole, and hopefully improving your confidence.

I really wish you the best of luck. I hope you have a decent network of friends or family who can offer you more specific advice, based on their closer knowledge of your situation. But don't listen to anybody who puts you down, and that includes your own inner voice!

Thank you to everyone; I am overwhelmed (in a good way ) with all the interest and support shown.

I'm not too good at quoting all the various posts - Tyrant, thanks for making me feel a little more normal. Maybe I'm not below average IQ as such, my memory and concentration are terrible though, I'm convinced it's as a result of smoking pot when I was younger! It's just when I struggle to remember conversations and important information and concentrate on my work, I just feel so stupid.

I don't think I suffer from depression or anxiety per se, I do struggle with low self esteem and a feeling of not having a purpose in life. On the plus side, I consider myself to be a good person, people tend to warm to me and I have very good relationships with friends and family.

I might go down the route of trying a course in film studies or something like that. A VEC type course probably is the best option alright. I will try to get something that I can fit in to my schedule, maybe I can do a shorter working week to try to fit it in.

I am also considering the other option of just taking a career break and trying other jobs.

LegacyUser

(Grrr this is really annoying, I posted a detailed reply and it hasn't gone up! Possibly it's the anonymous posting that's causing a problem, I'm a Boards member but I'm too shy about revealing who I really am!).....anyway, I'll try again....

Thanks for all the advice from everyone, I really appreciate it. Tyrant, it's encouraging to hear someone else who has the same problems with memory and concentration. Maybe I'm not as stupid as I think I am!

I do get down from time to time but I wouldn't say I suffer from depression or anxiety, just have a constant lack of fulfilment and purpose. Apart from the career problem, my life is generally good. I'm healthy, I have good relationships with family and friends, and don't have any serious stress in my life.

I think I'll either do the career break thing and try some other line of work or instead try some kind of VEC course on the side and apply for a shorter working week.

I think the first step is to see a decent career guidance counsellor, I'll give it one more shot, hopefully I'll come up with some kind of plan. I don't want to procrastinate any more!