20 year old at rock bottom

CG909

Hi this is my first post , Ive recently just turned 20 and I have been a compulsive gambler since the age of 18. Before this started I played a high level of football at LOI level but still gambled the odd time. The passing of my father in 2015 spiralled things out of control, I never got on with him or had a relationship but I felt I was free to be who I wanted know. Ive been recieving jobseekers alowance or benefit since I left school two years ago , I have applied for several jobs and attended several interviews without any success. In this time of also abused alcohol and presciription drugs (relaxers) that Ive taken in large amounts unbeknown to my family. I have failed to attend several interviews out of sheer anxiety and have also lied on my resume about experience to get these interviews.

I suffer greatly with anxiety but am know off all relaxing medication bar anti depressants. I am clean from xanax etc. I went clean from gambling for a few weeks which was great I even bought a suit for a debs and everything I saved for. But I relapsed and have been gambling ever since until about two days ago once again I decided Im going to quit again.

My jobseekers allowance was cut completely after I failed to attend meetings out of sheer shame and anxiety , your probly reading this situation and thinking what a mess and it sure is. Ive quit football and everything else and now dont have anything to fill the day were gambling normally would have. Im at a lost of what to do were to turn too?

My family life was affected from gambling I stole lied and cheated them , my social life with friends as I couldnt attend social gatherings due to lack of money. I even went out two nights ago with 250 euro lended my friend 100 as he needed it and it was a good deed , and between pints and ireland game I lost 145 of the 150 I had in PaddyPower next door to the pub.

I dont know what to expect out of writing this? Maybe if anyone would have any good words of wisdom or just anything at all it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

pilly

Have you tried GA? They are a great help.

There are a lot of young men in your situation so you're not on your own, that's the first thing to remember.

Where did you get the 250 from the other night?

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Xterminator

HI OP

have you told your family about your gambling problem, and other issues like prescription meds? i dont know how your relationship is with them, but if you can get them onside, they can be a great help.

You don't need to go to your GP to go to GA meetings, you can reach out directly. Your GP can be of help, but if that step puts you off, just go straight to GA.
http://www.gamblersanonymous.ie/

dogsavage

Hi op. Can I ask where abouts in the country you are?

Rubberchikken

Youve taken a great step in trying to deal with this yourself but you need support.
Contact gamblers anonymous they will give you support and an outlet to see that you're not on your own dealing with this.
If you can confide in your family then all the better.
I'm sorry you hadn't a good relationship with your dad and his passing even though you weren't close, is a grief that has to be dealt with.
Take care and best of luck

CG909

pilly wrote: »

Have you tried GA? They are a great help.

There are a lot of young men in your situation so you're not on your own, that's the first thing to remember.

Where did you get the 250 from the other night?

Hi pilly I indeed notice this , from standing alongside them in bookmakers day in day out in past to various teams and schools I been in , its an epidemic going to get worse. I have attended several GA meetings in the past and thats what made me come clean them few weeks which were great.

I had one that 250 by betting on racing from my 102.70 weekly jobseeker payment , at one point in the evening before the night out I had got down to 50 euro and had lost the money I promised Id lend my friend but luckily I got it back to 250 .... which lasted me til the walk to the pub.

CG909

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

My mother reckons I have extremely compulsive beahviours in general. I go to the shop for crisps , I come back with 8 cans , custard and crisps , I dunno why. Thanks going to be a long road.

CG909

Xterminator wrote: »

HI OP

have you told your family about your gambling problem, and other issues like prescription meds? i dont know how your relationship is with them, but if you can get them onside, they can be a great help.

You don't need to go to your GP to go to GA meetings, you can reach out directly. Your GP can be of help, but if that step puts you off, just go straight to GA.

Yes they are onside with me however disappointed or shocked they are. The relapse annoyed them but I think it was something they expected. I seen my GP and referred me to GA , I feel alot of guilt and shame in having to go back to GA meetings and tell them I relapsed and f'ed up but even tho I know they wont judge its still something shameful to me.

CG909

dogsavage wrote: »

Hi op. Can I ask where abouts in the country you are?

North Dublin

brevity

CG909 wrote: »

My mother reckons I have extremely compulsive beahviours in general. I go to the shop for crisps , I come back with 8 cans , custard and crisps , I dunno why. Thanks going to be a long road.

The gambling is a symptom of something else and this is it.

GP, straight away imo. Make sure you mention the above.

CG909

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Youve taken a great step in trying to deal with this yourself but you need support.
Contact gamblers anonymous they will give you support and an outlet to see that you're not on your own dealing with this.
If you can confide in your family then all the better.
I'm sorry you hadn't a good relationship with your dad and his passing even though you weren't close, is a grief that has to be dealt with.
Take care and best of luck

I have been to GA meetings before to help me get clean but since the relapse I feel ashamed to go back and tell them even tho Ino they have seen it all before and wont judge me , my family know almost everything and were obviously very shocked tho unsurprised after so long.

Thanks for the reply much appreciated

CG909

brevity wrote: »

The gambling is a symptom of something else and this is it.

GP, straight away imo. Make sure you mention the above.

I might make a return to him and explain the past few months since I been last and mention the above. Quite frankly the previous time he told me about GA and said thats as much as he can do as he wasnt sure what else he could do. He explained the dangers of prescription drugs and was unsure whether to supply more as I didnt know but he told me they can be sold on black market and he be afraid I do that to free up funds.

lazybones32

We all fall off the wagon with addictions, so try not let shame or embarrassment stop you from returning.
Make the phone call now, telling the supervisor/leader that you'll be at the next meeting.

begbysback

Treatment centre maybe? Rutland or st Patrick's

dogsavage

Try smart recovery just Google them and see if there's a meeting near you. It's not like AA. It's definitely another option.

CG909

begbysback wrote: »

Treatment centre maybe? Rutland or st Patrick's

Think they cost alot of money? I essentially cleared my families bank account out about a year back and should have went to court for it , my mother chose not to , personally I dunno why , we struggle from day to day know , I really want a job but ive no experience and tryna push through anxiety and any depression

CG909

dogsavage wrote: »

Try smart recovery just Google them and see if there's a meeting near you. It's not like AA. It's definitely another option.

Will do , I also attend online chatrooms on gamcare forum there really good helped me through last few days

pilly

CG909 wrote:

I had one that 250 by betting on racing from my 102.70 weekly jobseeker payment , at one point in the evening before the night out I had got down to 50 euro and had lost the money I promised Id lend my friend but luckily I got it back to 250 .... which lasted me til the walk to the pub.

Don't count it as money you lost then. Thinking you were lucky to win in the first place is all part of the cycle.

Don't be ashamed to go back to GA, I can tell you they've all been there done that.

Best of luck. You're so young you have it all ahead of you.

begbysback

CG909 wrote: »

Think they cost alot of money? I essentially cleared my families bank account out about a year back and should have went to court for it , my mother chose not to , personally I dunno why , we struggle from day to day know , I really want a job but ive no experience and tryna push through anxiety and any depression

Not necessarily, a counsellor can refer, and it can be funded through health board

Rekop dog

Have you quit football altogether? If this is something that brought you joy as a teenager you should get back into it, you're still plenty young to make it at LOI level with hard work and determination.
Focus on getting fitness to supreme level, it's not the worst way to channel your addictive personality.
You come across quite bright and self aware, you don't want to be 30 and have missed out on holidays and festivals and girlfriends because you wasted it all in paddypower.

Get some sort of note app on your phone. Write a long description of how you feel when you're at your absolute lowest after losing all your money or dissapointed family or friends after stealing from them. When you get the urge to bet, get that out and read it ten times over.

ArtyC

Get yourself self excluded from all the bookies. You'll need passport photos and the staff in shop or online will exclude you from online or any premises . It's a start

brevity

CG909 wrote: »

I might make a return to him and explain the past few months since I been last and mention the above. Quite frankly the previous time he told me about GA and said thats as much as he can do as he wasnt sure what else he could do. He explained the dangers of prescription drugs and was unsure whether to supply more as I didnt know but he told me they can be sold on black market and he be afraid I do that to free up funds.

That's disappointing imo.

I would have thought he could refer you to a therapist or something like that.

Seems to me that the gambling is only one part of the problem.

Board106

Hi CG909,

Fair play for asking for help...that's half the battle! I think Rekop_dog is right, you need to look at how you use your time. If you are involved in activities, you have less time to gamble. Would you try going back to play football...a local team? Exercise is a great stress reliever too.

There's a few Jobsclubs in North Dublin....there's a list here. I can't link the website but there's a list on welfare dot ie. They can help you with your CV, cover letters and job applications. Also good at helping with interview prep.

Relapse is part of recovery. Don't be ashamed in returning to GA - I can bet you not one person in the room stopped gambling on without at least one relapse. There is a Primary Care Centre in Ballymun that offers a free Psychology a Service which might be able to help you on a one-to-one basis. They have advice clinics the 2nd/4th Tue of each month also.

Best of luck with it all!

taytobreath

get ureself enrolled on a college course.

LegacyUser

Hi op,

As someone in earlyish recovery I can understand that feeling. The positives you have going for you are that you are young and seem to have a desire to want to get things back on track. It took me until my early thirties after loosing house, job, relationship and most friendships.

I took the route of rehab and spent 3 months in Cuan Mhuire - they have centres in Athy and Galway. That was really the start of my recovery , it helped me identify my behaviors, where they stemmed from and how to deal with them without gambling. I personally still struggle with GA and find it a downer so instead meet up with people I was in treatment with but do still give it a go even if just to listen.

I can honestly say that things only started improving for me when I was able to say out loud that I am a compulsive gambler. You mentioned shame with social welfare - they've heard it all before, have seen PP Online on many a bank statement and will still help if your seen to be trying to help yourself. I'm now at the stage where I can admit what happened to me without embarassment because we are human and stuff happens.

If you are really serious about addressing the problem, there is a very low chance that willpower alone will do it. Try GA and if you are willing to invest 3 months in getting well, Cuan Mhuire generally give places pretty quickly. They charge about €140 a week, sort out your social welfare for you and deduct it from that and it covers accommodation, counselling, meals etc...

I can tell you that the feeling of loosing the torment we put ourselves through online and in shops, constant lying , cheating etc... is a great freedom.

Rubberchikken

There's no shame in returning to GA. Like any addiction gambling isn't going to be cured in one night.
I think it's a lot bigger problem in this country than we realise. Gamblers just like anyone else. They're not staggering down the street or strung out after drugs or whatever so the addiction can be kept hidden for too long.
It's good that you're dealing with it now. Hopefully you get the right support.