Cyberbullying

LegacyUser

I write this with tears rolling down my cheeks. I got in from work over two hours ago, ran a bath, and cried and cried.

I went 'viral' this year. I cannot give too much detail in this post, as I do not want to be recognised, and I ask that people do not try and 'guess' or air their speculations.

I am writing this as I need help and support as I am incredibly low. For the past few months I have been sinking further and further into a black hole. One person, managed to turn my life upside down a few months ago online. I have been called a cnut over and over again. I received death threats. My private information was shared and every little detail about my life was scrutinised. At this point I need to say - I did absolutely nothing wrong, and I have no regrets. I was exploited. I was incredibly unfortunate and fell victim to an online bully. I was treated as a 'character' in what I can only describe as a vile, cheap, publicity stunt.

The media did not help. In fact they made it far worse. They picked up on a fabricated story and tore my character to shreds.

Life for my family has been very tough since. My parents' hearts ache as they see me cry far too often. My dad's health has deteriorated. It is so difficult. They desperately want to help, but they know if they do, it will cause more harm than good for me, as you cannot challenge this person.

We considered legal action but were advised against it as it would take approx 2-3 years to go to court, and according to the 2/3 solicitors whom we sought advice from, the process itself would probably cause more harm than good, even though they believe I have a case.

I have attended therapy and I haven't found it very beneficial. Small things in my surroundings remind me of this horrific case of cyber-bullying on a daily basis, and it is proving exceptionally difficult to move on. My faith in Irish people is pretty much non existent these days, as I received such vile messages/comments of 'hate' online. People can be so cruel. These people do not even know what they are posting about. They read a story online, and instantly believe it to be the gospel - I can guarantee, it could not be further from the truth. These stories are generally one sided, and completely fabricated.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel so low right now, and really just need to feel support and kindness.

Thanks

Austria!

This article is long, but there is a mention of a guy who is a professional at burying your online past.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/feb/21/internet-shaming-lindsey-stone-jon-ronson

silverharp

first thing is close your social media, why would you leave yourself open to that avenue of abuse? otherwise time should help, people like their bit of schdenfreude but they also get bored and will move on. As for "clearing your name" in real life, well either your friends etc believe you or they dont , if anyone doesnt cut them lose.

Permabear

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newdriverlad

I had a little online incident in the past year. I ended up in almost every website/new station/discussed on TV. It all started off a little bit of fun but I did end up get a bit of abuse about it and lots of media outlets were hassling me over it and to do interviews with them. They were also comments about my personality/etc and what kind of person I must have being.
In the end I just ignored them and didn't respond to any message/etc and people sort of forgot about me. Getting into a battle with someone doesn't help either. I am still on social media but I wouldn't do what I did again.
Being online is a little like going to school/work with the world. You are going to encounter bullies/people with different opinion and I just accepted this and moved on and it comes up less and less as times goes on.

Rubberchikken

I've never been on social media so I can't imagine how awful it must be to have this type of thing happen.im sorry you have experienced this bullying and would agree with other posts - come off of social media, at least for now until you're stronger.

It's one thing to stand up to a bully face to face but the bullies that hide behind a screen are a different breed and answering them.or trying to defend yourself will only encourage their disgusting behaviour.

Take care

Hannibal_Smith

It does play on my mind when I see things go 'viral' that at the end of the day, there is a person being filmed in the spur of the moment. Social media being what it is, plays is out for the world to see

Most of us have done stupid things that really make us cringe. You are no different to anyone else. The only difference is that yours has been played out on a mega scale. I swear to god I have done somethings, that make me delighted cameras were not around, as have a lot of my friends.

I can't imagine how hard it is for you, all I can say is, whatever it is, it's out there. There's nothing you can do about it. But I reckon whatever it is, doesn't show the real you. And anyone who thinks it does, doesn't know the real you, so their opinion has no value at all.

leggo

This is why I hate public shaming and the trend of using normal people as comedic fodder. Celebrities, to a degree, trade off their public image so I have less sympathy when that goes tits up for them, but they also earn a lot of money for that reason and have people around them who train them for that exact purpose. Normal people are just fodder who can have their lives ripped to shreds over nothing because other people are miserable and wish to make themselves feel better.

Part of my work involves me putting myself out there on a platform and, as a result, over the years I've been called every name under the sun, I've been trolled and had my social media hacked, I've read 'friends' talking about in not complimentary ways me on social media like I couldn't see, I've been started on in nightclubs by people I didn't know, I've had lies spread about my personal and professional life and I even had to go down the legal route once after a particularly damaging campaign against me. If I told you the backstory to these, you'd see it as ridiculous. But that's the world we live in today, so I know exactly what you're going through and feeling OP.

The most helpful thing I can say is to separate what is being said from you in your mind and to view it as a reaction to whatever it is people saw/read, and then the reaction to that reaction (I'm sure you know what I mean by that having lived it) as something completely separate from you. You know that the initial thing is a misrepresentation of who you are as a person, so identify the reaction as total BS. Examine what kind of person would take that at face value: first of all how stupid, ignorant and judgemental they'd have to be to do so, then how miserable they'd have to be in themselves to NEED to say that kind of stuff about a stranger. Do you really care about the opinions of that kind of person? (Even if it covers a LOT of people today) Are they even qualified to judge you in a way that hurts or affect your life? They're not, are they? Their opinion has zero weight and isn't something that should even take up a nanosecond of your day.

Secondly, consider this: though you're still feeling the affects of what happened, the viral world in particular has moved on. It always does. Every day now, sometimes multiple times in a single day, there's a new 'thing' that the world decides to focus in on, and there's so many things now that if I even remind you of something like that on your mind six months ago, you'll feel like it was years ago. This is how people process info today. So the world, as a whole, has forgotten about whatever happened. If there are people around you who you're worried about, remember that we as a species (you included) tend to judge people based on our most recent interaction with them. They call it recency bias, it's a thing. If you've had many pleasant interactions with people you like and value who feel the same about you, then it's almost certain they are thinking about that and your viral past is just a random nugget they don't even pay attention to anymore.

Lastly, I relate heavily to your feelings of judging the world based on this reaction. And there's no easy fix here, you're 100% right, it's sobering and gives you a different outlook on people when you see how they can be at their worst. But also remember that there are people around you who don't see you that way and people you'll meet in the future who won't either. They see and will see you for who you are, not just stupid thing from your past. They'll love you, won't judge you and will need you just as you love and need them without judgement. Focus on them, **** the rest, they're not worth your tears.

Permabear

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Ursus Horribilis

Permabear wrote: »

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I think this is worth bearing in mind. Think of all those viral memes which have come and gone. Anyone remember the Harlem Shake? Frostbit boy?Neknominations?

I'm sorry you went through this and I hope that you're not being bullied now. You are right about one thing. The internet brings out the worst in some people. All you have to do is look at the comments section on YouTube or Twitter and you'll see all sorts of awful stuff.

Are all Irish people bad though? My guess is that you were harassed by a small minority of horrible people who made their presence felt. You are so obviously distressed and down at this stage, I think you're struggling to see any positives at all. Would changing therapists help I wonder?