How to say no to first drink at 14?

mo_65981

My son is 14 and we have had very few issues with him, by in large he is actually quite good. He pals around with kids of the same age in the town.
He has confined in me that his friends have decided they are going to have their first drinks in a couple of weeks for one of their birthdays. They all are going to try to steal a few cans at home, possibly stronger.
My sons doesn’t want to drink but he does not want to be left out either. He is going to go to the party but is afraid he will be the only one not drinking alcohol, he is afraid he will get slagged.
He is asking me for advice, to be honest I am not sure what to tell him, any advice out there?
Obviously I have told him I was proud of his decision and that he has told me but I am not sure on how to advise him for the party itself.

freshpopcorn

Okay saying your a medication/etc never works.
You could try speaking to the other people's parents but this would probably get back to your son.(They are a few parents out there that would be very relaxed about this)
One thing I did see go down very well was simply a guy saying No and he wasn't going to drink. He was likable tough.(People knew his family situation)
He could say he's being picked up early and wouldn't get away with it.
What I personally would have done was take a drink and pretend to drink it and discard little bits of it during the night.

My only other point would be if something went wrong on the night how would you feel/other parents feel towards you.(I'm not trying to guilt trip you) Is it drinking taking place in somebodies house or out in public?

echo beach

My kids used the 'my mother would kill me if she found out and she always finds out everything' line. Their friends knew me and knew they weren't joking. They got sympathy for having such a dragon of a mother.:)

spurious

Can't he just say he doesn't want to drink?

I know there will be slagging, teenage boys slag about anything, but they'll soon get tired of it. He will be the much bigger man (and they will know it).

Agent Smith

spurious wrote: »

Can't he just say he doesn't want to drink?

I know there will be slagging, teenage boys slag about anything, but they'll soon get tired of it. He will be the much bigger man (and they will know it).

Its great in hindsight, But I Bet you that 14 year old and his friends wont see it that way. Look at teenagers smoking. Kids are thought from a very young age the dangers of smoking, and yet some still do, to be "the big man"

TeaBagMania

If saying No isn't cutting it maybe he could fill an empty can with water when no one is looking, he'll appear to be drinking and blending in

BrianBoru00

Very hard to give definitive good advice without knowing your sons personality but I'd certainly be in agreement not to make up an excuse .

I'd be saying - 'look lads, I'm fine with ye drinking, I just don't want - I'm happy out with my coke - ' .

I think in general young lads nowadays are far more likely to respect that and he could also add its no harm to have one in the group who is sober!

seamus

Agent Smith wrote: »

Its great in hindsight, But I Bet you that 14 year old and his friends wont see it that way. Look at teenagers smoking. Kids are thought from a very young age the dangers of smoking, and yet some still do, to be "the big man"

Yeah, I'm not sure. I knew a guy in secondary school who didn't drink.
Said he tried it once and just didn't like it, wasn't interested. Anyone who made any more of it, he ignored them or told to go f*ck themselves.

Depends on the age group. The guy above got a car for his 17th birthday and was happy to play the dessie driver on nights out. So nobody ever said anything about not drinking to him again!

If your son has the confidence to say he's not interested and a couple of good friends who have his back, then he'll be fine. He should say to them beforehand that he's not going to drink, he's not interested. If they know beforehand then it's less likely to be an issue at the time.

Also let him know that he has an "out" with you - let him know he can call you if he's concerned about anything that's happening, someone doing something insanely stupid.

AlanG

You could let him taste sips of a few drinks with you and then he could tell his pals he has tried beer and is just not that into it. We the level of sports commitment and gym membership among teenagers now it is not that unusual for one to turn down drinking so he probably wont get as much slagging as you imagine if he refuses.

Ave Sodalis

I don't drink either. The slagging doesn't really stop at 14 or 15, I still get comments on it and did so the whole way through college. You aren't going to stop the slagging, so he's going to have to come up with a way of dealing with it. I've found pointing out that you don't need a mind altering drug to have fun works well, said in a jokey manner and when they're slagging you. I don't really have any problem with people drinking so if they just ask in a normal tone, I say I don't like the sharp taste of alcohol and that's fine for most people. Your son's friends will eventually be grateful to have someone keep an eye on them.