Be the bigger person or get revenge?

Melisandre121

I work with a guy I believed to be a good friend. We bonded both inside and outside work (nights out, nights in, phone chats, etc) and got on really well.

A while ago I did something in work I shouldn't have (nothing major, just an error in professional judgement). I confided in him that I was anxious about what had happened and I wasn't sure what to do. He laughed and made a joke about me being silly and typical me to make a mistake like that. He then went straight to my manager behind my back and told her. He told her that he was very concerned that I would do such a thing, even though to me he had laughed and seemed to find it funny. When my manager sat down to talk to me about it she seemed concerned that he'd done that to me and told me to watch myself with friends like that. When I confronted him about going behind my back he denied it down to the ground and accused our manager of being a liar.

I have not trusted him since and have slowly noticed that he is a compulsive liar. Recently I found out that he told one of our colleagues that I take a lot of drugs and have tried to make him do the same. I was livid, this is an absolute lie. I don't know why he is doing these things, he comes across as a nice person but clearly he's not.

Last night he was working (we work in a service with vulnerable adults) and the security guard mentioned to me that there had been an incident in the night. So I checked the cameras to see, and while I was checking I saw my work colleague bring 2 friends into the service.... we work with vulnerable adults, this is highly inappropriate. They then left after 5 minutes. As it was only 5 mins, if this was anyone else I would say it to them and advise against doing it again, but this guy has done so much to betray me and drop me in it that I can't help but wonder if I should take this opportunity to go straight to my manager and tell her, if even for my own revenge.

I know this sounds petty. But I'm still fuming that he went behind my back and lied about it and basically told people I'm a drug pusher. I'm past the point of confronting him because about that though, because he'll just deny it. I am not the type of person to go behind someone's back and snitch but I am so tempted to get my revenge and I strongly feel he deserves it. He licks the managers asses but I have known for a while he is not the model employee he pretends to be. I'm so torn.

What would you do??

dar100

Melisandre121 wrote: »

<Snip> Please don't repost the entire post. It clogs up the thread with duplicate text

I've worked within the sector myself for many years. First off, the visitors in the service need to be reported. Inform management

Secondly, stay a mile away from that guy, he will end up dragging you down, and messing with your peace of mind.

allym

OP regardless of whether you're looking for "revenge" or not, unauthorised people should not be on the premises and you MUST report that. It doesn't matter if it was 5 minutes or 5 hours, they shouldn't have been there and he was potentially putting service users at risk.

On a personal level I'd distance yourself from this guy and keep it professional from now on. He's clearly not your friend and that's all you need to know.

Goat the dote

Report him.

Rubberchikken

You need to protect yourself by reporting this.
What if it occurs again? What if something occurs and management discover that you saw these people on camera and didn't report it?

That, to me isn't revenge, it is professionalism and protecting your self.

On his other behaviour towards You, that's inexplicable and definitely not the way a friend or even professional colleague would behave.

My advice is sever any ties/relationship with him. Just treat him as he is, a work colleague and watch your back.
Good luck

retro:electro

Hardly revenge is it? It's doing what's right and fulfilling your duties. Report him. And I'd report him for the drug accusation to- in your line of work a rumour like that is enough to get you to lose your job.

leggo

Yeah I'd say report, he's done the same to you so more than it being a revenge thing, it's more than he's told you how it is and made this an easy decision when it could've been a moral struggle.

The drugs thing is serious. If that was me, I'd be looking for evidence (screenshot of a text conversation etc) and reporting him for that too, with the threat that it's defamation and I'd follow it up with a civil claim against him for such if anything like that is said again. It's a very serious thing to say about someone with no basis, especially in a workplace situation. He's probably not going to change, but make it inconvenient for him to bitch about you personally and then he'll likely back off. It'd also be good to get it on the record in work so they have stuff against him if need be down the line.

This man is not your friend. Limit your interactions with him to only what is absolutely necessary.

Big Bag of Chips

What's your company procedure once the security guard reports an incident? That's what you should be looking in to. I'm sure visitors come into the centre occasionally. And I'm sure there are procedures in place for when visitors call.

On this occasion the security guard reported an incident. You need to follow whatever are the next steps.

Loveinapril

I know you are in the social care sector from previous posts. My concern is that you are allowing your personal feelings on this fella to cloud your judgement in your professional responsibilities.

There was a clear breach of boundaries here. Report it.

It has nothing to do with revenge or your previous issues with this man.

SATSUMA

My concern is that you are even questioning whether you should report it??? You work with vulnerable adults for gods sake. Are they not your priority?

Shame on him for doing it and you for questioning whether it should be reported.

Sorry to be harsh, but you need to cop on and be professional.

lazybones32

What's the protocol and how serious of a breach was it by having friends in?
If you don't report it, can you get in trouble if it emerges that you knew and did nothing?
If you decide to just have a word with him yourself, make a note that you became aware of the irregularity but decided to caution the employee yourself without informing management for whatever reason.

Whatever about revenge, don't jeopardise your own position.

Tenigate

You have a duty to report him.

It's not revenge. It's karma.

retro:electro

Tenigate wrote: »

You have a duty to report him.

It's not revenge. It's karma.

It's not even karma. I'd be advising her to report him even if he never opened his gob about her. It's standard practice in a job like hers.

Reporting the safety of vulnerable adults shouldn't even be in the same universe as "revenge". It's something that needs to be done regardless.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

eviltwin

I work in a similar role and I would have no hesitation about reporting it. You're duty of care is to your residents, not your co-workers. You could find yourself in trouble too if it gets out later on that you knew and did nothing. Cover your arse and tell your line manager.

Scraggs

eviltwin wrote: »

You could find yourself in trouble too if it gets out later on that you knew and did nothing. Cover your arse and tell your line manager.

This 100%.

Melisandre121

Hi all, thanks for the responses.

You are all right, it was my duty to report what happened and I did. I hesitated because I'm uncomfortable with getting people into trouble, even though it was the right thing to do. Anyway my manager is now aware and I feel better for it. Thanks again for the feedback!

NIMAN

Could you not mention it to someone else and get them to report it?

Like a security person or such like?

never_mind

I think the 'revenge' thing is just a nice little cherry on top of what is actually a violation of company policy. Detach yourself from the situation and see if you have reported this 6 months ago before this incident. Personally, if I knew that a family member of mine was in the care of people who allowed their friends in I would want them fired.

F' the revenge aspect here - do what is right, OP. Since security know that this was a breach of company conduct the complaint might already be in action.

Cupcake_Crisis

I'd report him and it'd have nothing to do with revenge. He breached protocol in a dangerous way and management should be made aware.

I would also cut ties with him completely, he sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Lex Luthor

Move on from what he reported you for and distance yourself from him

On the other incident, you need to be professional and report this. It also protects you as you have been made aware of the incident

cvo116

First off, he sounds awful and sounds like your boss knows it too! He was trying to make you look bad and ended up making himself look awful instead... so oddly enough, that's sort of revenge in itself haha.

But if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't take revenge.. sounds like hes a nasty person and it could make your life more complicated. You better just ignore him and cut him out of your life completely.

Am I the only one that finds it highly odd that manager went to the OP about the complaint filed about him? We don't know the level the mistake the OP made and maybe the colleague had every right to report it. It just seems entirely unprofessional for the manager to then mention it to the source of the complaint. Personally if I worked in that environment, it would put me off reporting anything.

Regarding this - OP, it isn't revenge to report this individual. They made a massive breach of their role and that needs to be reported.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Am I the only one that finds it highly odd that manager went to the OP about the complaint filed about him? We don't know the level the mistake the OP made and maybe the colleague had every right to report it. It just seems entirely unprofessional for the manager to then mention it to the source of the complaint. Personally if I worked in that environment, it would put me off reporting anything.

I don't know why you would find it odd, people are entitled to know when a complaint has been made about them and who made it. It's a principle of law in most functioning countries and in this case it's a proper step in maintaining the transparency and accountability necessary for a complaints system to function properly.

QueenRizla

Deleted User wrote: »

Am I the only one that finds it highly odd that manager went to the OP about the complaint filed about him? We don't know the level the mistake the OP made and maybe the colleague had every right to report it. It just seems entirely unprofessional for the manager to then mention it to the source of the complaint. Personally if I worked in that environment, it would put me off reporting anything.

Regarding this - OP, it isn't revenge to report this individual. They made a massive breach of their role and that needs to be reported.

I find it weird to be honest I also find it odd that the OP is more concerned with revenge or the way it would appear than reporting an incident that is clearly a safety breach for vulnerable service users. It's a no brainer to most right thinking people, but not trying to be critical of the Public Sector but it astonishes me the priority petty politics, bureaucracy, and downright incompetence take over the objective of good patient care.
I know people who work in that environment and it seems to me to be a parallel universe of weird priorities. My friend works in the same environment with a completely inappropriate weirdo that she moans about all the time but refuses to report to management. I believe it is hard to get people so a lot of incompetence is tolerated. Patient Safety seems to be very low on the priority.

mikemac2

It’s not revenge it’s procedure. Report him not to get him back but because it’s your job. What if the security guard reports it up and your boss asks why you said nothing? Then it’s your ass in the meeting

Also this won’t backfire into a he said they said because there is CCTV and the security guard to back this up

Edit I see you did report it so good stuff , now your manager will take over