I moved abroad and I hate it. Depressed

JacenSolo

I'm a 31 year old guy. I recently moved from Ireland to Luxembourg after securing a great job. I'd been out of work before that for a year. At first everything was great. I loved the job (and still do), I was out on my own in my own apartment after living with my parents my whole life. However lately I've been feeling really lonely and depressed.

When I first moved I had a cousin that worked in the same office so I had a familiar face to talk to but she recently left Luxembourg. Now every night I'm more and more conscious of going home to an empty apartment. I was never a wild socializer but I had a close knit group of friends I could meet and talk to. I miss my family terribly. I've no one I can talk to. Today in work I spent the last hour trying to fight back tears but I don't know why. Nothing happened I just couldn't stop. What's worse I had 5 people at other desks sitting around me and all I wanted to do was scream at them "can't you see me?". I had to walk home because I honestly felt I would burst into full tears on the bus. Then when I did get home I did start crying uncontrollably. I don't know what to do. I feel ashamed for getting emotional. Part of me wants to say I'm just home sick but what then? I'd be mad to go back to Ireland, to go back to unemployment. I don't want to feel like this again.

Tenigate

Depends on how long you've been there.

You really need to get a life outside of work. Table quizzes, walking groups, or whatever people do over there.

Sam Quentin

You probably just need a nice gf, I think it would make such a huge difference to your life away from home. Good Luck

Dr Crayfish

Sam Quentin wrote: »

You probably just need a nice gf, I think it would make such a huge difference to your life away from home. Good Luck

Yes a woman is the answer to all his current issues. I wouldn't want that weight on my shoulders would you? Silly thing to say :rolleyes:
You need to actively make an effort to get a life, or move home.

Rubberchikken

There's nothing to be ashamed of in being home sick. Perfectly natural and horrible. Ive been there and so have loads of others. It will pass given time.

You like the job so that's good news. Do any of your colleagues go out in a group matmybe Friday nights? If so could you go along even for an hour.
What do you do at lunch/breaks? They're a good opportunity to make some connections.
Also check out local classes/sports/etc. Another good way to connect.

If you like the job and see your self staying for a while then give yourself a chance. But if it starts to get to you then talk to someone. Don't try to deal with it on your own.
Good luck.

listermint

Op you need to halt the boredom that means getting out to meet people

Try

http://www.expat.com/en/nationalities/irish/in/europe/luxembourg/
Or

https://m.facebook.com/pg/IrishClubofLuxembourg/about/?ref=page_internal&mt_nav=1

You need to get personal time outside the office or the apartment.

Ursus Horribilis

First off, don’t feel ashamed about being emotional. You’ve been pulled out of your comfort zone and that can be quite traumatic. Leaving home for the first time can be quite a wrench for people; arguably it’s tougher when you do it later in life. And as you’ve learned, having your own place isn’t all it’s cracked up to be if you’re lonely.

To me, the answer is simple but difficult at the same time. You need to make more of an effort to meet people and to make friends. It’s probably not something that comes naturally to you, especially if your friends back home are ones you’ve had forever. Do your colleagues socialise or do anything in the evenings/weekends you could come along to? Is there an ex-pat community where you are? Have you tried Facebook - I'm sure there are groups on there which would lead to you meeting people.

It would be a shame if you threw in the towel and came home. This is a tremendous opportunity for you to grow as an adult and to improve your employment prospects. You don't have to live in Luxembourg forever but it'd be nice if you could give it your best shot and have some good memories of the place.

groovyg

Op if you quit the job and move back home what are you moving back to? The dole queue which can be pretty depressing or another job? I think if you are using this move to boost your career and improve your cv you might have to stick it out. Have you any interests or hobbies so you have something to do in the evenings? One of my friends has lived in three different countries over the last 20 years and he said it takes at least two years to settle in a place and build up a network of friends.

freshpopcorn

My advice to you is to try and get into things outside of work and see how things go. Give it a go but if you can't bare it you might like to move back here. Just remember that you need to source a job here/etc and some issues may follow.
Your not the only person to feel like this OP. Some people love living/working abroad and others hate it.

zoobizoo

Is there an Irish bar nearby?

Don't go straight home.

Head to the pub, sit at the bar and have a pint. Say hello to the barman.... Interact....

That's a quick fix.

Then go join some clubs. Mountain biking, rugby, tennis or whatever.... . .

I've lived abroad but never on my own. House sharing made life easier.

This is a challenge and when I first moved abroad to go travelling I nearly collapsed when I landed in the airport. Legs nearly buckled with the nerves.

Travelling on my own forced me to talk to people... I had a week on my own hardly talking to anyone.

The local Irish bar saves me

Jobs OXO

Luxembourg is an odd place. Very insular. You need to get in with an Irish/UK crowd. Go to the bars watch some football. Get into playing a bit of sport. Winter in lux is depressing. Grey. Yeah get a bird if you can, couples survive the place better. Failing that stick it out for 12 months and you will get a job back in Ireland in the IFSC easily.

Morpork

Hey OP was in a very similar position as you. Moved to Japan and lived alone and after a month or two the home sickness hit me badly. I was so close to packing it in and going home. But I didn't have a job to go back to, or much of anything really apart from family.

Decided to stick it out and the homesickness passed after a couple of weeks. Within a month I met my now wife, stayed for 2 years and had the best time of my life.

I think you'll regret it if you go back to Ireland and I think you'll grow hugely as a person from the experience of living abroad.

Airyfairy12

You need to step outside your comfort zone and put yourself out there, create some hobbies, start meeting people, join clubs and take part in other social activities. Search facebook and the internet for Irish groups, societies, irish owned pubs and businesses and get to know locals. Its really hard moving to a new place, especially when people are so unfriendly but friends won't come to you, you have to go out and cultivate them yourself. You said youve never been a wild socializer, nows your chance to improve your social skills and open up a bit more to people. Give it another month or two, save up all you can in the meantime so if you do decide to move back home you'll be able to rent your own place. Dont give up

Jobs OXO

And get yourself set up with decent TV Netflix NOW TV etc for the winter

eeguy

Tinder.

jon1981

Cycling, tennis, badminton, walking... clubs like this are always good ways of meeting folk and open to complete newbies.

Even a local GAA club... there's bound to be one. You could join socially just to take part in training if you've never kicked a ball before.


Basically OP you can't wait for a social network of friends to find you... You have to find it. It requires work and effort... you are capable!

Yes and even online dating, the odd date here and there will at least get you out talking to other people.

Do not go home, this is a fantastic opportunity, this feeling is only temporary.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Kevo

I lived in Luxembourg and had a similar issue. I was also way out in Esch Sur Alzette which made things worse.

Luckily I was living with a guy from work and got to know a few people that way. I also went to a Meetup in various pubs each Wednesday and got to know a few other expats. In the end I quite enjoyed living there but always found the weekends in the city a bit dull.

I suggest you try go to an expat Meetup group. There are a few Irish groups and plenty of international ones. Wednesday night is Luxembourg is great fun.

As for the weekends, try and arrange a trip for each weekend. You are really close to quite a few interesting places and the trains in Luxembourg are great.

Hop on Megabus (or a train if you're ok paying a bit more) to Brussels on a Friday and stay in a hostel. You'll prob make friends in the hostel or on a pub crawl but if not Brussels has lots to see anyway.

There are loads of other cities easily reachable: Bruges, amsterdam, cologne, frankfurt, Heidelberg, etc.

I found this a great way to spend my weekends. I also tried to get friends and family over the odd weekend. They'd book a cheap flight to Brussels or and I'd meet them there. Dublin-brussels is a very cheap flight so try get a few people over. Will give you something to look forward too. Going on your own can be great fun too.

Hope this helps

keith_sixteen

Hi OP. I live in Switzerland and I recognize the feelings you describe and can absolutely relate to your post.

Once the initial buzz wore off and some of the realities hit home...I was very upset. Cried at my desk and nobody noticed / cared.

My advice is this. Think about the job you love and doing it well. Concentrate on that without making it your life in Luxembourg.
In Ireland, my experience at least is that work / social life was often blurred. That's not all that common on the continent with people keeping their work and social circles very distinct.

That said, there are always one or two allies in the office who are worth becoming friends with and it won't always be obvious or easy. Build relationships through good work, open and honest communication.

Go for a run at lunch and focus on doing a good job.

Going home to an empty apartment is difficult - you need to keep yourself busy - learn a (local) language, go hiking. Get people to come visit.

Take a few days to book a flight home and remind yourself of the reasons you have left.

There is absolutely no need to feel ashamed for getting emotional.

I perservered and am glad I did. I now have a small, close knit group of friends, have progressed in my career and become fit once again.

Lollipops23

OP I moved to Toronto by myself in 2015. Knew nobody.

I stayed in a hostel for the first few months (meant to be only 2-3 weeks, but was having too much fun!).

One thing I decided early on was to say yes to EVERY invitation I received for the first couple of months. I ended up with a massive group of friends by the time I left a year later. I went out with work groups, on dates, with friends of friends. Just throw yourself out of your routine. FB is great for this stuff. Even join a gym so you're not always going to the pub after work.

Also- book your Xmas trip home now so that you have something to work towards.

Meeoow

I know how you feel too.
I moved away to a new job across the country. I was lonely during the week, but I was lucky enough to be able to get home at weekends.
Eventually I moved into a house share and we had the best of craic. Some great Thursday nights out.
OP, could you try to move to a house share or sublet a room??

NeonCookies

Hi OP. I moved abroad alone for a job. I flatshared but with two girls who didn't speak English and I couldn't speak their language.

I moved in September. First two weekends were busy unpacking, shopping, getting my bearings etc. Third weekend my mum visited for my birthday. Fourth weekend.. I left work on Friday and it hit me that I had no plans for the weekend, no possibility of having any plans and I most likely wouldn't have a conversation with another person until Monday. I got home and collapsed crying on the couch. That was a hard weekend.

Over the next few weeks I gradually started getting to know people at work. We planned to go to the cinema one evening and it cancelled at the last minute and I again burst into tears in my room because that's how much I was looking forward it. I went home at Halloween and going back was the hardest thing to do.. but I went back.

Then things got better. I did things by myself if I had no plans (and discovered I LOVE going to the cinema by myself!) I built relationships firstly through the friends I made at work and then their wider group. We had a Christmas dinner together before we all went home for Christmas. I couldn't wait to get back. They were the best two years of my life making lifelong friends who I still visit regularly (in fact I often feel quite "homesick" for my life there now).

Say yes to everything like another poster said. Put yourself out there. If you see a poster for an event up in the local Irish pub go along. I've actually found it harder making friend in a new area in Ireland than living abroad. Expats in general are very open to new friendships I've found.

If it doesn't work out there's never any shame in going home but just make sure you try everything first so you don't have any regrets!

cvo116

I know how you feel, I moved to Ireland from the States and often feel this way..

I would suggest maybe finding people who are liked minded somehow, easier said then done, I know. But maybe you can get on meetups and try and meet some people through that? Wish I had better advice for you because I am actually in a similar situation and still trying to figure it out myself.