Sister's pregnancy hurts me

LegacyUser

Am I being petty. My sister molested me for several years when I was younger from when I was 6 until I was 11 and she is 2 years older than me. I never wanted to do any of what she told me and she would threaten me and blackmail me about it. Often threatening to get my mam to get rid of me as I have always been second best to her. I know she also did the same to my younger sister who is 2 years younger than me and my very young sister who is 13 years younger than me.
I had a termination 2 years ago because I was afraid of what my mam would do (she thought my sister was pregnant at the time and was threatening to kick her out if she actually was) and I wanted to protect my youngest sisters from my mam descending into an alcoholic mess. I'm currently like my mams therapist that I advise her how to behave and solve her problems.
I recently found out that my older sister that molested me is pregnant and my mam is being extremely supportive of her despite her still doing drugs while pregnant.
Am I wrong to feel this way? Any time I hear or see about my mam being supportive of her I get extremely depressed and end up self harming.
I don't know what to do, I've been to my doctor who said nothing could be done about what happened to me because she was a child as well but I feel so wronged, this destroys me and she just gets away with it. And I have been referred to counselling with Lara.
What can I do about my mam and my sister?

Dial Hard

I think you've posted here before OP and I genuinely feel that your issues are beyond any of us here to help with. Go to your counselling session, be as honest as possible with them and best of luck.

Hannibal_Smith

There's nothing you can do about your mam and your sister.

But there is a lot in your post that needs unravelling.

You are not being petty, it must be very hard seeing them behave like they do with each other. But you should talk to someone.

Please get professional advice. Bringing small children into a house where all that has happened needs to be looked into.

Gael23

This situation needs professional assistance, far greater than what anyone here can give. Go to counselling first and then look into getting social services involved in terms of the baby.

Cuddlesworth

Pettywoman? wrote: »

My sister molested me for several years when I was younger from when I was 6 until I was 11 and she is 2 years older than me.

Have you ever considered where a 8 year old would learn that from?

LegacyUser

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

Have you ever considered where a 8 year old would learn that from?

I have considered it and the possibility of her being abused I find is no excuse for her doing what she did and continued to do for years. She had interests in things I didn't understand, she always spyed on my parents or watched things she shouldn't have. And it would be excusable if she wasn't so blackmailing towards me, to me her doing that proves she knew it was wrong.
I can't go to counselling until tusla get in touch and my doctor has already spoken to them they just haven't gotten back yet. So I'm stuck until then.

Aspadeaspade

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

Have you ever considered where a 8 year old would learn that from?

my thoughts exactly. I think this kind of behaviour in children especially, is learned. you don't mention how old you are OP. what are your chances of getting away from your mother and your sister? is there anyone you can turn to for help in escaping this situation? best of luck OP.

Big Bag of Chips

If your older sister abused your younger sister who is 15 years younger than her then though she may have been a child doing it to you, she most certainly wasn't a child doing it to her.

Go back to your GP. Contact Tusla. Your sister sounds messed up, and you're correct, whatever happened her as a child doesn't negate what happened you, your sisters, or what could potentially happened her own child. Contact Tusla, tell them what you know. If she is a regular drug user that will show up in blood tests that the hospital do. Tusla may be contacted by the hospital anyway.

As for what you can do about the relationship between her and your mother? Very little. Their relationship is theirs and they are free to conduct it however they like. You have no control over them. But you can take control of your own life. How old are you? Do you work? Have you means to move out, or move away? The situation you are in is not good for you. It's unlikely to change, so all you can really do is get out of it.

Sleepy

Leave them behind. What's keeping you involved with a family that toxic OP? I'd be long gone in your shoes. I wouldn't feel any loyalty to an alcoholic mother who allowed her favourite child to abuse me

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

Have you ever considered where a 8 year old would learn that from?

Let's not start making baseless excuses for a child molestor just because she happens to be female.

GingerLily

Sleepy wrote: »

Let's not start making baseless excuses for a child molestor just because she happens to be female.

Gender has nothing to so so with it, it's the age people are considering. I have to agree that there is more to this but her older sister abused her younger sister when she was an adult or close to it , and is now pregnant and I'd imagine a danger to any children under her care.

Tulsa need to know about your sistet and you need to leave this toxic environment OP.
You'll be helping your younger siblings in the long term of they know they realise they have options.

Neyite

Do they bring any benefit to your life OP? From what you've wrote they only seem to hurt you - and will continue to hurt you as long as you are within their radius.

Would you not just leave them to their own dysfunctional and toxic family dynamic? As long as you are there, you won't get any better and I think that you need to focus on you- your health, your welfare and your mental health. Maybe cut down contact a bit, surround yourself with people who are good for you and move on from them.

rochemix

Keep hounding Tusla. I know a few people that this happened to. There are no words to describe this. You are better off going to the counselling then when you get the chance down the line you need to get out of that negative environment. Start a life that you want to live for yourself. Best of luck

Hannibal_Smith

Pettywoman? wrote: »

I have considered it and the possibility of her being abused I find is no excuse for her doing what she did and continued to do for years. She had interests in things I didn't understand, she always spyed on my parents or watched things she shouldn't have. And it would be excusable if she wasn't so blackmailing towards me, to me her doing that proves she knew it was wrong.
I can't go to counselling until tusla get in touch and my doctor has already spoken to them they just haven't gotten back yet. So I'm stuck until then.

If your GP knows what's going on, keep talking to them. When she was a child herself, you could say she didn't fully understand the ramifications of what she was doing. But that doesn't excuse it, or minimise it for you. You were still harmed by her.

Are you old enough to move out? Do you have a relative you can confide in?

up for anything

Pettywoman? wrote: »

She had interests in things I didn't understand, she always spyed on my parents or watched things she shouldn't have.

I can't go to counselling until tusla get in touch and my doctor has already spoken to them they just haven't gotten back yet. So I'm stuck until then.

What sort of interests does she have? It sounds very worrying.


Why can't you go to counselling until Tusla have been in touch. I would have thought they'd be in touch pretty sharpish considering an accused molester of more than one or two children is now pregnant. Can your doctor not rattle a few cages? I can't imagine that just because she was a child committing the offences that nothing can be done. I've read of people who were molested by under age older brothers who were able to involve the police.

You are by no means petty. Your sister molested you for five years. At the very least you need to confront her and your mother. Have you spoken to your younger sisters about it and their experience with her?

LegacyUser

up for anything wrote: »

What sort of interests does she have? It sounds very worrying.


Why can't you go to counselling until Tusla have been in touch. I would have thought they'd be in touch pretty sharpish considering an accused molester of more than one or two children is now pregnant. Can your doctor not rattle a few cages? I can't imagine that just because she was a child committing the offences that nothing can be done. I've read of people who were molested by under age older brothers who were able to involve the police.

You are by no means petty. Your sister molested you for five years. At the very least you need to confront her and your mother. Have you spoken to your younger sisters about it and their experience with her?

She seems to have just always been interested in sexual things. I'm not sure why my doctor said I can't go to counselling without tusla being involved first.
My mam is completely unaware of what my sister has done and I'm not sure how to tell her. I know it sounds terrible but I would really want my sister to be punished for what she has done.
I have 4 sisters, one older and three younger, my sister two years younger than me had the same thing done to her and my youngest sister as well. My youngest sister this happened from when she was a baby until about a year ago.
I'm 20 now and my oldest sister doesn't live with us now, I eventually convinced my mam after her stealing hundreds of euro from her to kick her out.
I can move out and I have wanted to ever since I could but I don't want to abandon my sisters and little brother with my mam, my mam is doing quite well the past year as I have been helping her out so much but I am worried what would happen if I left.

Dravokivich

Pettywoman? wrote: »

I'm not sure why my doctor said I can't go to counselling without tusla being involved first.

That's putting unfair pressure on you. if you can't go to Tusla now, you need the support built up through counselling to put you in a position to do so.

Big Bag of Chips

Counselling has nothing to do with Tusla. You could go to counselling for any number of reasons all of which have nothing specific to do with Tusla. Tusla deal with child protection issues, you are an adult with issues that Tusla can't deal with for you.

Counselling will help you come to terms with what has happened and is ongoing in your life. Tusla will investigate whether or not your youngest sister is at risk from your oldest, and if the unborn baby is also at risk.

2 very separate things.

You might need to see a different GP.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Counselling has nothing to do with Tusla. You could go to counselling for any number of reasons all of which have nothing specific to do with Tusla. Tusla deal with child protection issues, you are an adult with issues that Tusla can't deal with for you.

Counselling will help you come to terms with what has happened and is ongoing in your life. Tusla will investigate whether or not your youngest sister is at risk from your oldest, and if the unborn baby is also at risk.

2 very separate things.

You might need to see a different GP.

I went to my gp again and a referral has been sent for counselling and tusla have also been contacted. I'm not sure what to do as if I want to make an allegation towards my sister I have to give a statment to the social worker and my sister will be given that statement and will more than likely tell my mam. I'm so worried about this happening but I want my sister to be punished for what she has done to me and my sisters and I don't want to lose my newly developed relationship with my mam because of it.

_KellyCP_

Poor thing, not much advice more than what was posted but sending love xx

Counselling and moving yourself out of that environment sound best. Being in the house, even if your sister isn't anymore, will never allow you to heal I would imagine.