I have no friends.. plus the possibility of cancer

LegacyUser

Long story short, I've been on some form of antibiotic or steroid, or drops for the past month or so, started as what looked like a stye, swollen eyelid, I've ended up with a number of lumps, some small some big, on my eyelids.
Some are along the eyeline, others are higher up (closer to eyebrow but on my eyelid) and one big one that's pretty prominent.. but even after the treatment(s) the redness/size has not gone down..
I'm just waiting on the bloods, but being 20 years old it's scaring me, it's possible its Basal Cell Carcinoma or meibomian gland carcinoma.. I'm not looking for any medical advice, it's just since I'm getting all of this out there I thought this was note worth, because it made the doctor fairly anxious and somewhat angry at me for not saying 'yeah these lumps have been here longer than the styes'..anyway.

I'm in college and I checked in online to see what work I had for my group project, surprised to see I was in a group on my own, but I joined a group with two of my 'friends', same group number but less people, so they obviously left.. fair enough if it was a bad subject of mine, but this is something I am good at, something I really enjoy.

I remember in first year, my housemate (one of the guys) told me he had to hand over a jumper to a girl who left it at his, I was fixing my hair and I heard the door slam, he said he'd be back in a minute but I'm guessing he was carrying his drink under the jumper because he went out that night, and I washed my hair and went to bed..

I always feel like the outsider, never really a part of the group, others seem to get along so well, every conversation for me is a Q&A, I'm never included in any of the jokes, I'm often times intentionally left out, there are a lot of nice people in the group too who I get along with but they just want to be nice, they don't want to necessarily be my friend.

I don't have this problem with girls, I can go up to a girl on a night out and chat sh1t... but I can't for the life of me get/keep friends.. I always felt like the friend of a friend who was visiting and everyone is just sort of accommodating.. it doesn't help that I'm naturally quiet.. at least in groups.

I thought that maybe they were just the wrong group, that they're just not my crowd..
but my new housemates are into superheroes and video games, they prefer pubs to clubs and I feel just as alienated, they're nice, we get a long, I can have a good time with them but we have so little in common, I won't have known them only for me living with them..

I feel like the last of my kind, and there most be a reason we're nearly extinct because I can't seem to find anyone I have a genuine connection with, and I'm actively looking for people, just generally good, nice people who I have something somewhat in common with, but I'm having no luck.. regardless I always feel like I am on the cusp of every group.. or simply put, I feel like I am not entirely wanted more so tolerated, even though there are others there quieter than me, with less in common than me, but it's still me being left out.

I don't know what do.

Aspadeaspade

hi op. you've a lot on your plate it would seem. my advice would be to first get the all clear with the medical side of things, lumps and bumps are always important to get checked out, let's hope it's nothing serious. I say this as someone who has had cancer twice myself and I'm thankfully in the clear now. if it does turn out to be something serious treatment has come a long way and more and more people are surviving it nowadays. going back to your other issue of not having many friends, this can be hard and it's also an issue I've struggled with in the past, especially at your age and younger, maybe instead of letting people try to find you and get to know you, you could do it instead? my mother once said that if you're nice people will like you, it's very simple but it's true. the more people you know the more chance you have of making a good friend or two. quality is more important than quantity! just one good friend or two will make all the difference. best of luck with everything OP.

GingerLily

I won't comment on your health situation, but I hope you get good news.

On the friend side of things though - it sounds like you are trying to make friends with a$$holes, I wouldn't take it personally. You're in college so it's the right time to start making new friends who you might not think you have as much with on common.
You should give your new housemates a chance - they'll probably not be close mates but there's no harm in be friendly to people, especially housemates!

LegacyUser

I'm nearly finished the course of antibiotics and still no changes.. so I'm interested in hearing the verdict tomorrow..

I've always been the type of person who is 'too nice', not in a friend zone way but I don't like ruffling too many feathers, I don't want to upset anyone, sometimes that means in general banter.. I don't like just taking the piss out of someone..
I've never been good when it comes to 'banter' or just generally having the craic, if you want a genuine conversation I light up, but when it comes to joking and having the laugh I like it but I'm just incompetent to the point where I can't participate..

One thing that I've noticed is when I'm talking to girls, I tend to fluff up my language, I can poke fun, be witty, have a proper conversation, being engaging but not when I'm not flirting, I can flirt but I can't talk normally in a group, I'd rather approach a couple of girls on a night out than talk up in a group of my friends..

I have a few friends, but their either people I've been in group projects with, people in my course (big course), or just friends of friends..
Even in my accommodation, I don't know very many, namely because last year I met everyone through my housemates (as nearly everyone did) and this year my housemates avoid parties like the plague, I got fed up one night and just walked over, everyone was fine with it, just happy that I wasn't a complete freak.
Some of these people are 17, a lot of them are first years because most second years already have their friends group.. I don't really mind, I mean there is a bit of a gap but not really noticeable.

I want to get this health issue sorted with first, get back on track with my course and meet some people..

Wesser

I hope this some reassurance to you but i want to say that your symptoms really don't sound like cancer. I suspect that you just found this on a Google symptom checker . Did the Dr really say he thought it was cancer?

LegacyUser

Wesser wrote: »

I hope this some reassurance to you but i want to say that your symptoms really don't sound like cancer. I suspect that you just found this on a Google symptom checker . Did the Dr really say he thought it was cancer?

She mentioned about it and then just continued using the words 'run down', she did a test for glucose, I knew you typically do that for diabetes but she said 'no no not that'..
She just said run down a lot, and wanted me to call back in as opposed to calling me if there was a reason to with the bloods, she expected the antibiotics to fix it.

My uncle apparently had something very similar (swelling, lumps on eyelids) but when he saw mine he said it was different, I mentioned about the tiredness, constant (still ongoing) headache, eating a lot, sleeping a lot and basically feeling constantly hungover and he just said oh you're right getting that checked..

I did look it up because of the symptoms she was asking about that I said yes too, I know it's probably not but there's something underlying and I'm expecting to get referred at this stage..
She was asking if I've ever had any issues with my thyroid because the smaller deposits on my eyelids are signs of high cholesterol but that was highly unlikely because I'm relatively active and in good physical shape.. also because my hair is thinning very quickly which she said it could have something to do with your thyroid..

Rubberchikken

I hope the health issue is something that can be cleared up.
Have you joined any society in college to do something you're interested in. It's a good way to make friends when people have something in common.
You sound like you're trying to get everything sorted in one go and ring that's not fair on you.
Get your health sorted and that'll clear your mind to focus on the next step.
Take care

LegacyUser

Rubberchikken wrote: »

I hope the health issue is something that can be cleared up.
Have you joined any society in college to do something you're interested in. It's a good way to make friends when people have something in common.
You sound like you're trying to get everything sorted in one go and ring that's not fair on you.
Get your health sorted and that'll clear your mind to focus on the next step.
Take care

I'm back from the doctors, she wants to run another blood test, she was asking if I go to the gym, was a fasting, do I drink a lot of water, how big of a breakfast I had that morning (10am blood test).. she said it could be nothing, but she wants to run another blood test in about a month, more antibiotics and I've to go see an ophthalmologist to have the lumps on my upper eye removed.
Apparently with the other larger mass on my lower eyelid she wants to continue antibiotics to try and remove it entirely or at least to reduce the size of the mass before surgery, because with that I will have to go under, while the smaller ones it's just local anaesthetic..

She doesn't tell me much, she just said 'it looks like... can you lie down up here for me' and she went examining the eyelid, inside and out, getting me to close it etc.. she didn't say anything..
Her report said reoccurring stye and something along the lines of a number of other lumps, but she didn't give a specific name, she did mention that the specialist will probably send the masses off when she has them removed..

So I still don't know, at least the unsightly lumps will be removed, I'll probably have a couple of small scars though..