Life wasted on farming

LegacyUser

I feel I've wasted my life to a certain extent. I'm 37 years old and have a decent job, although not the most interesting and very pressurized at times. I grew up on the family farm. I've always been told by my parents that they wanted me to become involved in farming when I'm older and that they need my help. I've always worked on the farm and have enjoyed it.

I went to college and worked away from home for a number of years but always came home on days off to help out. I even used almost all my holidays from work for many years to help out on the farm and rarely travelled or did anything for myself. I would have loved to have gone travelling for a year as most of my peers did but my parents insisted that they needed my help any couldn't manage without me.

I moved home a few years ago, leaving a job I liked for a less interesting job close to home to help out with farming. I now live at home, commute to work and work on the farm in my spare time. I am also single and have been most of my adult life.
While I work on the farm, I receive no pay or compensation for it, I have no say in anything that happens on it and I own nothing on the farm nor any part of it.

I would have hoped that at this stage, I would have been included in some sort of a partnership where I could be involved in running it and have a say in how it is run and developed and maybe even take some profit for my efforts but my parents have no interest in letting me get involved like that, they just want to use my free labour. They are both over retirement age but have no interest in retiring and will probably want to run it for the rest of their lives with my help. They physically can't run it without an able-bodied person to help.

I also disagree with how they run things in a very unplanned, old fashioned and inefficient way but as I said, I have no say in how things are run.
I know that I will probably inherit it some day but I could be well into my 50s and have a lot less drive and energy to develop it.
Am I wasting my life and letting myself become obsessed with farming like the previous generation.
I would love to leave or even work abroad but I know I will be guilt tripped into staying.
I would try to start up a farm on my own but the costs are prohibitive without owning any land to start with.

Tokyo

The most obvious question to me is, have you spoken to your family about it, in particular the part about you wanting to have a more active role in developing the farm as a business? From your post, it doesn't sound like you have an issue with farming in itself, but rather, you feel like a passenger in your own life.

It may also be worthwhile getting some input from the Farming and Forestry forum on this. I've seen various threads over the years there from people in situations similar to yours, quite often where the father has a firm hand on the tiller right up until the day he dies, often at the detriment of the upcoming generation.

Yellow pack crisps

Your parents sound very selfish. They are literally living your life for you and controlling where you reside. Stand up for yourself, it's your life and not theirs to live. The hard reality is that in thirteen years you will be fifty avd stuck in a life that you did not choose. The easiest way is to put the decision in their hands, this is what I want or I'm
Moving on. Or you could just move on anyway if it's not the life for you. If they don't accept your happiness over their will then that speaks volumes. Be more than just an abled bodied instrument. Be who you want.

Addle

mike_ie wrote: »

The most obvious question to me is, have you spoken to your family about it, in particular the part about you wanting to have a more active role in developing the farm as a business? From your post, it doesn't sound like you have an issue with farming in itself, but rather, you feel like a passenger in your own life.

It may also be worthwhile getting some input from the Farming and Forestry forum on this. I've seen various threads over the years there from people in situations similar to yours, quite often where the father has a firm hand on the tiller right up until the day he dies, often at the detriment of the upcoming generation.

This OP.
Especially at your age.
Isn't there tax benefits to transferring the farm to you before you reach 40?

freshpopcorn

Well man your are not the only person in this situation. It's very common.
My questions would be are you an only child? So could the farm be split up after your parents deaths?
Have you talked to them about this or transferring over some of the farm now? I know one guy and he get a certain % of the farm every year.
Now you there is a slight chance that this might get a bit of backlash and won't go down well.
Do you really want to keep on the farm tough? You say yourself that if you were 50 you'd have no motivation to invest in it and that you'd like to work abroad. I take it you know farming is a big lifestyle/career choice and they are sacrifices involved.
They are lots of options of there but you don't know until your ask.
It's very hard to get older farmers to change there minds about practices that are being used on the farm. You've got to remember they have being doing this for over 50 years. Farmers never really retire in my experience.
To be perfectly honest with you I have often seen people in your situation and generally they just grin an bear it until they inherit the farm. (You basically work for nothing to be given the farm when they die)
(Do you even have a few cattle/sheep of your own to sell at the mart/factory)

lazybones32

You are 37 and still treated as a boy.
Time to have a talk.

Doltanian

Keep saving your money band refuse to do anything for them again, becareful of any sister or brothers who'd try to swoop in on your inheritance. Your father and mother are truly horrible creatures to do this to you and I have long been in favour of a mandatory retirement age for farmers in line with industrial norms i.e. 66 years old.

I'm in a similar situation to you but I refuse to do absolutely nothing on our family farm, my own father is a disgrace of a farmer and should be thrown out of every payment going if right was right. We had a big disagreement a few years ago and he won't spend one penny on our family farm, there is no gate hanging (25 gates and none swing) and around 4kms of new sheep fence are needed. Outhouses with no electricity, running water and bohereens undriveable by nothing only 4 wheel drives and his refusal to buy a quad bike. My father will get the old age pension next year and my mother wants him to give it over to me but it would have a negative effect financially to do this. I travel abroad alot and when I do inherit it I will fix everything up and either lease it out or else keep the bare minimum of stocking level and keep them dry to avoid lambing. I wouldn't sell the farm and I may plant part of it if it would qualify for native hard woods but I wouldn't let conifers in there as I hate them and they are non-native.

You are still young enough and at 37 you should focus your efforts to finding a nice woman to build a life with or before you know it you will end up a lonely old bachelor farmer. I myself am dating a wonderful woman and since I laid my cards on the table with my parents it has done no harm at all.

freshpopcorn

Doltanian wrote: »

Keep saving your money band refuse to do anything for them again, becareful of any sister or brothers who'd try to swoop in on your inheritance. Your father and mother are truly horrible creatures to do this to you and I have long been in favour of a mandatory retirement age for farmers in line with industrial norms i.e. 66 years old.

I'm in a similar situation to you but I refuse to do absolutely nothing on our family farm, my own father is a disgrace of a farmer and should be thrown out of every payment going if right was right. We had a big disagreement a few years ago and he won't spend one penny on our family farm, there is no gate hanging (25 gates and none swing) and around 4kms of new sheep fence are needed. Outhouses with no electricity, running water and bohereens undriveable by nothing only 4 wheel drives and his refusal to buy a quad bike. My father will get the old age pension next year and my mother wants him to give it over to me but it would have a negative effect financially to do this. I travel abroad alot and when I do inherit it I will fix everything up and either lease it out or else keep the bare minimum of stocking level and keep them dry to avoid lambing. I wouldn't sell the farm and I may plant part of it if it would qualify for native hard woods but I wouldn't let conifers in there as I hate them and they are non-native.

You are still young enough and at 37 you should focus your efforts to finding a nice woman to build a life with or before you know it you will end up a lonely old bachelor farmer. I myself am dating a wonderful woman and since I laid my cards on the table with my parents it has done no harm at all.

How do you know your still going to inherit the farm?

I have often heard of people falling out with parents and it being left to nephews/nieces/cousins/etc. It often shocked communities when the son/etc dint't get the farm.
If the OP does want to stay farming on the family farm in my opinion and from what I've experienced with people and wills he'd have to be careful.

Doltanian

freshpopcorn wrote: »

How do you know your still going to inherit the farm?

I have often heard of people falling out with parents and it being left to nephews/nieces/cousins/etc. It often shocked communities when the son/etc dint't get the farm.
If the OP does want to stay farming on the family farm in my opinion and from what I've experienced with people and wills he'd have to be careful.

I myself will inherit and there is no danger of that, is it worth wasting your life slaving away to get nothing in return? I would urge caution but the OP has already committed alot of his life for nothing in return. Should he continue this course to end up with nothing or bailout now. I know which of the latter I'd choose, if you do get the farm over in your name be sure to pick the worst possible nursing home to dump those horrible parents into. There is more to life than land and money, make your own money in life and don't depend on inheritance and this being used as blackmail against you.

freshpopcorn

Doltanian wrote: »

I myself will inherit and there is no danger of that, is it worth wasting your life slaving away to get nothing in return? I would urge caution but the OP has already committed alot of his life for nothing in return. Should he continue this course to end up with nothing or bailout now. I know which of the latter I'd choose, if you do get the farm over in your name be sure to pick the worst possible nursing home to dump those horrible parents into. There is more to life than land and money, make your own money in life and don't depend on inheritance and this being used as blackmail against you.

Ok, I am just speaking my people in my area who were certain they were getting the farm and when the will was read they got nothing. All I am saying to the OP is people can get a terrible shock when a will is read.( There's no point of turning this thread into a argument).

Doltanian

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Ok, I am just speaking my people in my area who were certain they were getting the farm and when the will was read they got nothing. All I am saying to the OP is people can get a terrible shock when a will is read.( There's no point of turning this thread into a argument).

Don't wait until they die, demand the land be transferred before death, wills can be changed and a copy of the will is no good as it could be changed the following day.

LegacyUser

My own situation would be a sort of the opposite of the ops. We have a family farm at home though my grandfather was the last person to run it as his main employment. My father (now retired from off-farm work) had a good full-time job and ran the farm on the side (with some of the land rented out) after my grandfather died. I have lived a few hours away since my mid 20's (early 30's now) as I took up an opportunity and have been working here since in quite a good job.

I travel home quite regularly at weekends and during holidays to help on the farm but in general there is no pressure on me to be at home all the time. However,quite differently to the op, I can't wait to be back at home, working locally so that I can be involved in the farm again day to day. I am getting married next year and after that I will be making a big effort to move back home (with my wife to be). I have broadened my experience and there is now at least a decent chance of getting a good job within 45 mins commute of home, my fiance should not have much difficulty either and we would plan to build a house on the farm.

Unlike the op my father is heavily investing in the farm over the last few years so it is getting better every year, and even living away I'm kept up to date on the farm and asked from my input on at least some decisions. I am an only son and its clear I am very interested in the farm (as a part-time venture going forward). If I move back I can see myself getting much more involved in the farm and decision making, particularly in planning etc as I am experience in all aspects of project management.

All this to say that I think the op really needs to sit down and let his parents know that he is very interested in the farm but he needs to be involved, even if he isn't getting paid at the moment he needs to see a future in it from himself and make the point that if it is to be run alongside a job then investments need to be made in infrastructure etc to reduce the required labour and time aspect of running the farm as if you work full time off farm you need efficient processes in place.

I feel for the op but as I said sit down and have the chat with your parents, have some ideas in your head and maybe some plans you would like to implement to show that you are thinking about the future etc. Also if you haven't all ready, look into doing the green cert as you will need this to qualify for the CAT relief on inheritance, if you have a level 6 qualification or above (most trades count) you can do this as a distance course with something like one day per month where you have to attend classes, skills days etc. Best of luck.

Addle wrote: »

This OP.
Especially at your age.
Isn't there tax benefits to transferring the farm to you before you reach 40?

There is a stamp duty exemption on transfers if you are under 35 alright but the main tax exemption is a major reduction on capital acquisitions tax (gift/inheritance tax) which is not age dependant but rather it is required that you hold a minimum level 6 award in agriculture (the green cert for example).

Stan27

What your going through is extreamly common.
I wouldn't do it, its foot down time!

One guy described it to me as putting his life on hold for a business that makes no money, in a rural area where it's hard to meet people it's very lonely too. Farm isn't in his name either so he is basically a workman with out getting paid.

Your still young, go travel before your parents get sick etc.

zoobizoo

Think you need to sit down with them and come to a legal arrangement with them - if you want the farm that is.

If you are going to put the work in then in the short term you want to have input and in the long term, you get left the farm. You need that in writing.

Or, they sign it over to you, you run the business and they continue to live on the farm .

If they were paying someone to do that work, what would it cost the business?


If they can't run it by themselves, then you are continuing the status quo by helping out.

There was a piece about this on PAt KEnny on Newstalk during the Ploughing Champ last week

wylo

It doesnt really sound to me like the issue here is specifically the farm. More like you are 37 but are letting yourself be treated like a child by your parents.

All too common, Ive seen people in their 50s or even 60s still be the child around their parents.

I think if the above issue was addressed, the farm issue would be a seperate problem that would be addressed more easily by straight forward adult conversation.

I think you need to break from this, and if simply doing it is too hard in itself then consider talking to a councellor about making the adjustment mentally. (councellor visits dont always have to be complex mental depression issues, sometimes they are smaller things that you need to deal with).

I say this from experience to be honest. Growing up sometimes requires a brief mental seperation from the parents that is slightly uncomfortable.

Emme

OP you need to assert some independence now because your parents are not getting any younger. If one or both of them gets sick they will need even more of your time. I don't know if you have any siblings but if you don't you will truly be in deep manure if you don't make a life for yourself now. Don't be fobbed off by vague mutterings of "it'll be yours when we're gone so you might as well do your bit now" or "we haven't got long left and you're young and you'll have your life later".

You are supposed to be having your life now. It's very easy to get sucked in by a sense of obligation especially if your parents keep laying guilt trips on you all the time. What will happen if you stay at this until you are 50? Worst case scenario you don't get the farm and you will need to upskill to find work in a very ageist job market. Even if you do get the farm it may be too small to make a serious income. People are living a long time now and you might see 60 while your parents are still alive.

It's very hard to meet partners in a rural area. It might be easier for men because you don't have a biological clock ticking but if you want a partner and family you are best to do it now.

I would advise you to get counselling to help break the hold your parents have over you. You have a right to a life of your own. You have a right to do a job you like. You have a right to travel. You have a right to have a partner and family of your own. Were your parents single and working for their own parents when they were your age?

The sooner you make a move towards striking out for yourself the better. Don't let your parents leech off you or take any more of YOUR life.