My boyfriend lied to me

LegacyUser

I'm very upset at my BF and I recently broke up with him. I'm working abroad at the moment in the middle east. I met my BF very briefly by chance when I was home at Christmas as I was flying the following day and we were friendly and chatting on and off for a few months, not really involved more friendly chats, I know he really liked me. In June he told me that he wanted to fly out here to see me and he did and we had a great two weeks together and we became an official couple and he was really nice and sweet and spent alot of money as Dubai isn't cheap either.

We had a few arguments on and off but over silly small things, however this week his ex-GF messaged me and accused me of breaking them up and it turns out he was still with her when he met me back in January, we met for just a short time and he gave me his phone number and one day when I was back in Dubai I messaged him as he seemed nice at the time, it was being as homesick and wanting to chat to also as much as anything; soon we were skyping very often and around May he told me was really developing feelings for me and wanted to come to visit as he had never been over to the middle east before.

I confronted him about it this week and he admitted everything that he was with her at the time but was dreadfully unhappy and she had treated him badly which was why he got friendly with myself. His ex had attempted Suicide as he was leaving her and I know he was financially supporting her, after he left her she went on a campaign of revenge against him including sending explicit pictures of him to his facebook friend-list. I don't know why he didn't go to the Gardai but said it was pointless as he just wanted nothing to do with her.

Anyway this woman recently met an American guy since April and is now engaged, my ex claims she cheated on him also but I can't verify that.

I feel totally betrayed by his lying from the start as I thought he was single, he told me he was in an unhappy relationship with her and she has started giving me grief now and I had to lock down my social media and change my number to avoid her harassment. He has been messaging my sister who strangely is sympathetic to him, I feel betrayed by him and I feel I can't trust him. I don't want anything to do with him or his exGF and their dramas. I'm now back home in Ireland at the moment for two weeks and he doesn't know I'm home. I eel torn on what to do, as whilst I know he loves me and he already spoke about marrying me and going with me to New Zealand as I will leave the Middle East next year when my contract expires.

Should I give him a chance or just move on and forget him, he has already another trip booked over to Dubai to see me next month as it will be my birthday and he was coming over for that which I was really thrilled by until his ex started messaging me and I realised what he did and also what they went through together and I admit she treated him badly.

Any advice?

zoobizoo

It sounds like he was in a horrible position when with her and the fact that she tried to commit suicide when they split and that he had to help her financially......

What would have happened if he'd told you at the time "I'm going out with someone who is unstable and who I'm looking after financially. It's a lot of drama"? Would you have run a mile dues to the number of red flags?

I remember when a relationship of mine was on its last legs and I met someone I really liked... I didn't do what he did which was to grasp the opportunity when he met someone he liked.... my relationship ended weeks later but the opportunity had gone.


If you like him, then call him.

lazybones32

Can you forgive and let it go?

Mr. Incognito

Hold on now.

1. He was in a relationship when he met you

2. His ex was a psycho- according to him. For all you know his philandering might have drove her mad

3. You live in Different Counrties.

4. I doubt, based on number 1 he is being faithful at home.

I think you would be mad to invite this long distance no trust mess into your life. Long distance is hard enough without it. Id make it clear that he can visit if he likes but I'd not be investing anything into the relationship. If you end up living in Ireland or if he wants to relocate then sure but too much previous to invest anything further.

LegacyUser

So you've only technically spent 2 physical weeks with this chap am I right? I wouldn't really have you in bf/gf territory if this is the case.

And his ex is engaged already to someone she only met in April? Folks sure move fast in this day and age.

He's stating she was suicidal, that doesn't make it necessarily so. Maybe he's trying to appeal to your sensitive side.

This is pretty much a mess, and unless you're coming home to stay anytime soon, I'd wash my hands of it.

If you are coming home soon to stay, then maybe see where the land lies then, ya know, when you're actually both in the same country.

Sephiroth_dude

Walk away for your own sanity, he was still with his g/f when he met you and didn't have the guts too tell you he was still in relationship, coupled with the distance, I'd be long gone.

Honestly I'd just walk away

Icepick

You mever said why he attracts you

witchgirl26

So at the beginning when he was with this ex, you were just friends, correct? Why is this an issue then? If he developed feelings over time for you and dumped the ex before acting on anything, then I'm not seeing the problem realistically. I know a few people where that is the case and there was no cheating or anything involved. Just developing feelings for someone else and realising what was going on.

You say you thought he was single when you first met but did he ever actually say that?

I get being annoyed that he wasn't completely up front about the ex from the start but if you honestly believe what he's saying or can chat to mutual friends to verify then I don't see why his ex (who's now with someone else) should affect your relationship.

Emme

lyingbf wrote: »

Anyway this woman recently met an American guy since April and is now engaged, my ex claims she cheated on him also but I can't verify that.

How does he know she cheated on the American guy? Unless she cheated on the American guy with your boyfriend he can't be sure of anything.

He lied to you about being single when he met you. It doesn't matter if you were just friends at the time, he still lied to you. It's funny that his ex is the one with all the problems as well. Honestly I would run for the hills. There's no point in putting up with lies and drama. It isn't worth it.

mapaca

Sorry OP, I think you are well rid of him. Lies and drama and bitter ex-girlfriends already, a bad sign. Also, you mention he was talking about getting married and travelling to New Zealand with you when, let's face it, you barely know each other - another bad sign. No, I think you did the right thing in ending it. Plenty more lovely decent men out there!