Advice to a young lady dating an Irish man

Blp2389

Ive been dating an Irish man for 3 months or so. When we started, we agreed we would have only casual sex, no strings attached.
I dont know why (and I blamed culture at first, cause I am latin and we have a different way of behaving even in casual relationships) he was always a jerk and I felt like a prostitute many times. I thought it was something in my head, tho. So I insisted, since sex with him is really great. At some point I started realizing I was having feelings for him and told him so. I felt my self esteem very low, of course, cause it doesnt seem rational to fall for someone with who you never talk to and who treats you in a cold distant way.
He has other women and never hesitates in telling me that when he thinks is convenient. He messaged me a few times drunk saying sexual stuff but also "would you be my wife?".
Probably because I decided to ignore him despite my feelings, he decided to be a nice guy. Days ago he introduced me to his friends one day, and talked to me about personal issues and his child (and I didnt know he had a child) on the other day. He was drunk in both times we had this close conversations and meetings. When he is sober he is just as distant as usual.
Asking him what is going on wont work because he is a quiet, distant person and would probably say I am whining.
And the truth is that I dont know what to think about it. It is new for me and I am depressed abt this. Is this me being anxious and overthinking something that might be just starting? Maybe he is opening up...? Maybe I should give it some time and see what happens? Or is it my prudence raising the red flag trying to say "get over it cause you wouldnt be treated like this by someone who really cares or who was really trying to care about you"?
What do you guys think?

Xterminator

Hi OP

he doesn't treat you well.

He may be an okay guy underneath, who has had to deal with issues in his life ... failed relationship etc, but so what!

He doesn't treat you well, move on, and find someone who treats you with respect.

cactusgal

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi OP

he doesn't treat you well.

He may be an okay guy underneath, who has had to deal with issues in his life ... failed relationship etc, but so what!

He doesn't treat you well, move on, and find someone who treats you with respect.

Yes, this has nothing to do with him being Irish.

He's not treating you respectfully. He's not making you feel special. He's not into you.

I'd move on if I were you.

shesty

He's not treating you well.I would not let any man, Irish or not, treat me like that. He clearly has issues, and his behaviour is horrible.
Get rid of him.

fmpisces

No strings attached, friends with benefits situations hardly ever work out or end well. Most of the time one ends up feeling more for the other, and most of the time that would be the female, simply because of how we are wired.
There's no need for you to feel like a prostitute but I understand where you're coming from. What began as a mutual agreement whereby you both used each other inside the bedroom has since morphed into a one-sided situation that suits him more than you, because you want more. This man cannot and will not give you more, he would have already if that was what he wanted. I don't mean to be blunt or harsh by saying that, but let this be an experience that you have learned from, then move on and don't let him waste any more of your time or your self respect. Block his number if he's calling you when he's drunk looking to get his leg over. Don't give him any air time, he's not worth it. Let him move onto his next victim and in the meantime be kind to yourself

Ursus Horribilis

What do I think? I think you should cut contact with this man immediately and run to the hills. If you think this is the way Irish men behave, then god help the rest of us. He has been telling you in all sorts of ways - words and deeds - that he has no respect for you. This is textbook stuff, right down to where he began to chase you when he thought his sex on tap was gone. This guy will tell you anything you want to hear so he can get you into his bed. Why on earth would you ever settle for that? There are loads of nice men out there, both Irish and other nationalities who you could be dating instead. What's so special about this one?

Wesser

Jesus he sounds like a dickhead!!!!

Mr. Incognito

At some point I started realizing I was having feelings for him and told him so.

You made an agreement for a casual relationship.

You have feelings.

Unfortunately they are not mutual.

You can either have a no feelings no strings attached relationship or you cannot.

It appears this has run its course after three months.

You should try to cut contact and move on because you are going to continue to get hurt by someone who is emotionally unavailable.

uck51js9zml2yt

He treats you badly and you think you should give him more time?
Cut your losses and meet someone who will treat you with respect.

mojesius

Your self esteem, self worth and happiness are being negatively affected by this man's actions and words. A good relationship, especially in the early days, should make you feel fulfilled and happy. You deserve better than what this man is offering you. Walk away and ignore his sweet nothings when he tries to contact you again.