Need advice, sex and relationships

Chopper123

Okay peeps here it is, so I'm in a relationship with a guy for just about 1 year, who I absolutely adore and he does me, only thing is we havent had any sex at all, we do play around often and we both enjoy it but I want more, he never forces himself on me, and when I go to he loses his erection very quickly I could give him a blowjob and he never loses he erection at all, but as soon as we go to take the next step boom it's gone, I'm finding it very hard not to take it personal and I keep thinking maybe he's not that into me, when I ask him he says he's trying to be a gentleman but I don't buy it.. we are planning on buying a house and he keeps going on about having kids but I can't take it seriously when we haven't even had sex, I'm 31 my sex drive is through the roof and I love him so obviously i have desire to have him..
Every time i mention it to him he says it will happen, give it time, don't leave me please be patient, no other answers but these..
I gave him a blowjob for almost 40 mins and he never came.. I asked him when he looks after himself how long does it take he said 10 minutes so I'm definitely thinking it me..
I was in a 10 year relationship and he hasn't been in a relationship for a number of years but he has been with whores and I'm wondering if maybe he feels like it's a dirty thing and he can't with someone he loves I'm trying to come up with all sorts of answers
Any advise taken please...

HalloweenJack

It sounds like performance anxiety but I'd imagine that after a year that'd be over with.

You need to make sure he's relaxed and comfortable with you before trying to get him to do more. If he's not comfortable then you need to have a chat with him about why he's not comfortable and go from there.

whoopsadoodles

First off. Does he masturbate a lot on his own?

Chopper123

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

First off. Does he masturbate a lot on his own?

Yes he tells me he does but I don't know how often..

whoopsadoodles

Chopper123 wrote: »

Yes he tells me he does but I don't know how often..

Nothing wrong with it at all but I have read (on boards) that excessive amounts of masturbation can lead to men not being able to perform with partners.

I'm no expert but it might be worth reading up on?

.......

This post has been deleted.

Mars Bar

Mod

Hi chopper,

I've moved your thread to the Relationship Issues forum as it is more appropriate and you are likely to get more advice. Please read the R.I charter before continuing to post.

Mars Bar

Aspadeaspade

my thinking would be more along the lines of him being into something else sexually and he just hasn't had the courage to come out and tell you yet. maybe gently probe him about what he's into OP? he knows what's going on but he can't tell you.. please let us know what is going on when you find out.. good luck!

99nsr125

Bph
Diabetes
Smoking
Drinking are all bad for the boys

Men are notoriously terrible at admitting there's any performance issues

Cialis daily is marketed for and works for bph in North America with the side effects of enhancing performance/response when mentally aroused

My boss used to take it, I found his prescription on the ground and gave it back to him, he said it was his bph prescription (prostate problems in the family), I thought yeah right but then I googled and found out he was telling the truth,

Really you need to talk to him openly

Chopper123 wrote: »

Okay peeps here it is, so I'm in a relationship with a guy for just about 1 year, who I absolutely adore and he does me, only thing is we havent had any sex at all, we do play around often and we both enjoy it but I want more, he never forces himself on me, and when I go to he loses his erection very quickly I could give him a blowjob and he never loses he erection at all, but as soon as we go to take the next step boom it's gone, I'm finding it very hard not to take it personal and I keep thinking maybe he's not that into me, when I ask him he says he's trying to be a gentleman but I don't buy it.. we are planning on buying a house and he keeps going on about having kids but I can't take it seriously when we haven't even had sex, I'm 31 my sex drive is through the roof and I love him so obviously i have desire to have him..
Every time i mention it to him he says it will happen, give it time, don't leave me please be patient, no other answers but these..
I gave him a blowjob for almost 40 mins and he never came.. I asked him when he looks after himself how long does it take he said 10 minutes so I'm definitely thinking it me..
I was in a 10 year relationship and he hasn't been in a relationship for a number of years but he has been with whores and I'm wondering if maybe he feels like it's a dirty thing and he can't with someone he loves I'm trying to come up with all sorts of answers
Any advise taken please...

leggo

First off, it's almost definitely not personal. If this is a recurring theme since the start, then nothing since he's gotten with you has changed to cause this, and that's pretty much scientific proof that this issue is performance-based.

As for what's causing it exactly: any of the above reasons are possible, but that's his responsibility to sort out. And he should've sorted it out by now tbh, a year is ridiculous. Sex is a big deal in a relationship, it's not a trivial issue to get hung up on and your concerns are completely valid.

I think you're well within your rights to give him an ultimatum to get this issue dealt with (first step is talking to a doctor) or you're gone. I know a girl who had her share of bad eggs, finally met a lovely guy she clicked with, but he had similar performance issues. It was difficult but she left him eventually because of it, he was point blank ignoring the problem and even her leaving didn't get him to cop on and address it. And she doesn't regret it now either. The reality is that as nice as he probably is, your needs aren't being met and he could do something about that but is choosing not to. That's a big deal.

XsApollo

Well first off, don't go getting tied down
( marriage, buying a house together) until this is sorted.
If it's bad for you now it will be a hell of a lot worse for you when you have something that isn't so easy to get out of.
Do do anything on the pretence it will be sorted in the future.
Sort it out beforehand.


As for what's wrong I have no idea,
If he likes women,
Go to his GP and get some viagra.
Or you can go through an online doc for prescriptions for privacy.

groovyg

Op who knows what his issues are but buying a house and getting married won't resolve the issue. I think you have the patient of a saint to have waited this long, nice and all as he is if he is not willing to sort it out I think you need to have serious think about whether to continue with this relationship.

sbsquarepants

99nsr125 wrote: »

Bph
Diabetes
Smoking
Drinking are all bad for the boys

Men are notoriously terrible at admitting there's any performance issues

Cialis daily is marketed for and works for bph in North America with the side effects of enhancing performance/response when mentally aroused

My boss used to take it, I found his prescription on the ground and gave it back to him, he said it was his bph prescription (prostate problems in the family), I thought yeah right but then I googled and found out he was telling the truth,

Really you need to talk to him openly

What the hell is bph?

OP if it hasn't happened after a year, I don't think it's going to - just my 2 cents!

bucketybuck

I know one thing for a fact: It isn't you.

zoobizoo

It could be performance anxiety.

He is afraid to go there.

No problem with that in itself but the year long thing, without it being resolved and without you receiving a reasonable time line of resolving it is a problem.

He isn't being honest with you - he needs to say "I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it up" or "I have a phobia" or "I had a bad experience" or whatever it is..... once that conversation happens, it should ease the pressure on him, presuming that's the case.


I'm surprised he mentioned that he was with whores - but that maybe his way to say "I've successfully f+cked someone so there, I'm a man and not a failure"....

He needs to face up to whatever it is that is preventing him sleep with you.

99nsr125

sbsquarepants wrote: »

What the hell is bph?

OP if it hasn't happened after a year, I don't think it's going to - just my 2 cents!

benign prostatic hyperplasia

Go Tobban

The availability of hardcore porn can have serious consequences for men if watched enough

I personally stopped watching porn as I had the exact same problem as your boyfriend when it came to full on sex. It worked wonders

Not saying it will work for your fella but I suggest you mention it to him. They're are a lot of studies showing up lately suggesting porn is effecting the libido of men

Yellow pack crisps

It's psychological, believe him when he says it's not you. Do not accept it when he says to be patient. Tell him you need a frank and honest conversation on the matter and solution needs to be found to move forward. Forget the house for now, that's pie in the sky talk. How you both navigate this situation will give you all the insight you need about how your relationship is and what future it holds.