Counsellor help for first timer

LegacyUser

Hi guys, not one to use this section of Boards but I can tell from reading the snippets there is some great advice and strong souls.

I recently went through a lot of sh!t in a relationship: I need to talk to someone and I hope you guys could tell me where to start looking for a counsellor.

I think I'm a straight talker and rationale but my head is mushed and Im starting to think the persons words are starting to condition me into something Im not.
They know want I have went through and my gut says there's a chance of emotional manipulation and I cant make sense of it. I dont want to draw conclusions before talking to someone.

Thanks everyone,
A

[mod note] Personal recommendations for counsellors are not permitted. Suggestions on how OP can find out how to choose a reputable counsellor themselves are welcome.

Airyfairy12

If you google counselling services in your area you should find someone, otherwise ask your GP.

Cyclepath

Check out the IACP website. The most important thing to ensure is that your consellor is actually qualified and accredited with a reputable organisation.

http://www.irish-counselling.ie/

ladybugxx

Alilbitlost wrote: »

Hi guys, not one to use this section of Boards but I can tell from reading the snippets there is some great advice and strong souls.

I recently went through a lot of sh!t in a relationship: I need to talk to someone and I hope you guys could tell me where to start looking for a counsellor.

I think I'm a straight talker and rationale but my head is mushed and Im starting to think the persons words are starting to condition me into something Im not.
They know want I have went through and my gut says there's a chance of emotional manipulation and I cant make sense of it. I dont want to draw conclusions before talking to someone.

Thanks everyone,
A

[mod note] Personal recommendations for counsellors are not permitted. Suggestions on how OP can find out how to choose a reputable counsellor themselves are welcome.

There are free counselling services for women at anew.ie you don't have to pay and you do weekly sessions with them. <SNIP>

dudara

@ladybugxx - Welcome to PI/RI. Please note that offering to receive or send PMs is not permitted in this forum. I'd recommend taking the time to read the forum charter and acquainting yourself with the rules of the forum

dudara

RhubarbCrumble

I think word of mouth is the best to be honest. I went to a counsellor a few years ago ago who I found online, had all the credentials etc, but found him absolutely useless. He just sat there and nodded a lot. Now maybe that works for some people, but I wanted someone who would actually interact with me.
A friend of mine was going to someone at the time. She said she found her excellent and that I had nothing to lose by giving her a go and she was spot on. I ended up recommending her to someone myself afterwards.
Your GP may be able to point you in the right direction too.

ennis81

I used a local community service in my area and had a wonderful counsellor, it was a contribution fee (whatever you could afford) start with services in your area or a recommendation from GP maybe, good luck and take care

WIZWEB

Hi OP,

I don't want to compare apples and oranges here. Our experiences and desired outcomes may be very different. Apologies if this radically deviates from your experience and if so hijacking your post. The experiences, observations and assertions are my own and probably unique so feel free to disregard what is not relevant to you. My monologue might be useful to another reader.

I had been putting my own counselling journey off for a very long time. Finally started this week. One session down and I'm happy to continue so far. The biggest desire for me was to feel validated for my personal experiences. In my case this foundation was achieved quickly. Feeling an early healthy connection to my counsellor is a big plus. Early days I know. I tried a stint of non directive counselling a decade ago and it did nothing for me. I like how this counsellor has already asked challenging questions that make me logically evaluate my lived experiences. Already he has suggested simple but practical tips to improve my boundaries. I've did a lot of research prior to beginning counselling so have some ideas of these strategies. Just these being encouraged informs me that my toxic experiences are not being minimised. Ultimately though I know I must be the instigator of positive change. I'm there to ensure that now I left that I don't ever get hoovered back to this rollercoaster of madness while proactively avoiding such scenarios in future relationships.

I like that my counsellor has knowledge in the diagnostic labels I suggested. Basically that my ex might have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Counsellor didn't challenge me when I made these assertions to include that I believe I am in a trauma bond and that 'Satan' (ex) fits perfectly the psychiatric manual DSM V nine criteria to evidence his NPD. You only need to fulfil five of them to be diagnosed! In fairness my counsellor is not a psychiatrist either. A confirmed diagnosis is very difficult as those with NPD do not see themselves as sick. Even then it is next to impossible to repair as it takes years of therapy. Yet research highlights that up to 10% of the general population are on the malignant end of this spectrum. They are the majority in our prison populations. (Edit: Too tired to add links to evidence my assertions. Lots of academic literature available). A malignant narcissist non-empathetic and grandiose in their nature with extreme sense of self entitlement imagines themselves as perfect. How can you fix that? I admit that I am not qualified to make a diagnosis. However as messed as my head is from my so called relationship I realise labelling aside that it is extremely toxic and abusive. Also that the other person deliberately engages this way. All evidenced in reality. The drama, lies, games and manipulations have me emotionally and psychologically drained. It didn't start this way as I was love bombed and future faked for a long time. Have to ask myself why I stayed as this torture progressively escalated over the years. Maybe CPTSD/Stockholm Syndrome there. This crap certainly has caused me some serious cognitive dissonance (head fookery). My instinct and the counsellor has validated that the only solution whether my abuser is or is not a malignant narcissist is to block all forms of and maintain no contact.

I don't claim to be partner of the century. However I do acknowledge it takes two to tango. My probable codependence and being an empath has attracted these emotional vampires. A topic I'll bring to my next counselling session. It may I believe stem from poor developmental attachments in childhood. I hope the counsellor can give me some clarification. As an empath I feel guilt and shame at burdening him with my drama! That aside while researching personal counselling my biggest fear was that I might be revictimised. Being listened to is already liberating. There's still a long road ahead in self-care and personal changes after these few sessions end. Whatever the insanity I fell in love with an illusion. It still really hurts running away from what has become an addiction. This enmeshment possibly brought on from massive doses of cortisol from multiple discards after devaluations. Occasionally a dopamine fix is received from my managed down expectations being motivated by a few crumbs to entice me back on the rollercoaster.

Apologies for the overuse of the 'I' word. It's a very new experience there being a me again and not just him. I wish you a very safe journey OP.