2 wrongs don't make a right....

LegacyUser

So. Basically I was wondering why my current boyfriend of 18 months was always liking girls pictures on Instagram. Didn't think much of it until he began posting a lot more and using Snapchat which he never did. There are no photos of us on his social media. This may seem like a juvenile issue but we are both 27.

Insecurity got the better of me and I checked his Instagram and he was messaging a girl saying he is single and gave her his number. He was flirty and offered to take her out. I've never had trust issues before. I am going to own up to breaching his privacy straight away, but what do I do. I feel absolutely heartbroken and betrayed.

kylith

He is telling girls he's single and offering to take them out. He is actively trying to cheat on you. IF it were me I'd be giving him his marching orders.

ellie1

Take control here. Sit down with him. Admit that you checked his Instagram, tell him what you found , tell him it's over , leave and cut all contact.

Then remember, heartbreak passes with time, build yourself up by joining gym, new classes, travel etc

LegacyUser

I'm not sure why you chose that as your thread title, it's just not applicable to you problem. I also don't know why you have questions, if you have any respect for yourself, you end this relationship. He's either planning to cheat on you or already has, there aren't may better reasons to break up with someone.

Xterminator

OP do you want to try to save the relationship? if not, just dump him.

he has been caught doing something wrong. no question about it. but you are together 18 months soperhaps it worth talking with him and finding out the truth of what's happened? eg was it just an ego boost, did he meet up with anyone, did he cheat?

see if he is willing to come clean, and work on what has gone wrong. relationships can come back from cheating, but only if both parties want to try.

messy tessy

Ok checking his Instagram isn't on par with him saying he is single and asking some one out!

LegacyUser

messy tessy wrote: »

Ok checking his Instagram isn't on par with him saying he is single and asking some one out!

Maybe it is. Which I recognise. I tried to talk to him tonight and he became defensive and withdrawn. I am devastated he could do this to me.

leggo

Tbh in that instance I'd just leave, not look back and wouldn't even give him the closure of knowing you checked his Instagram. He can spin that into lies or make it seem like you're paranoid, when in truth you have all the info you need to make a decision.

Ursus Horribilis

Please don't turn yourself into one of "those" girlfriends. The ones who stay with their cheating boyfriends because they love them, can't face being single again and are afraid of the heartbreak.

Does it matter that you checked his phone? His behaviour made you suspicious and made you insecure. With good reason as it turns out. You have now been told, by his deeds, stay sort of person your boyfriend is. How highly he values you and your relationship. He sounds like a great catch, not just got you but for the girls(s) he's asking out.

You sound like you're trying to warp this situation into one where you did wrong, get him off the hook, bury your head in the sand and allow this to continue. As I said at the start, don't be one of "those" girlfriends.

Sephiroth_dude

He's taking you for a mug, run for the hills and don't look back.

What are the two wrongs here? Are you suggesting that your looking at his phone somehow justifies what he is doing?

KaiserLu

Tell him to fcuk right off. He's actively trying to cheat. I'd wager he has already. Cocky lil bollix thinks he can openly do it too.

You're worth ten of him. More. A hundred.

Put a price on yourself. Do you deserve this?

Above all, be true to yourself.

njs030

I know a man like this, he's been with his girlfriend for around a year and every few months he reappears texting me and other friends telling us he's single, they broke up for incompatible reasons etc.
Strangely though they are still fb friends, she still has her profile pic as them together etc...his explanation is that she won't accept the break up!!!
The first couple of times I believed they had broken up and felt a bit sorry for him, the most recent time I just told him to get lost and blocked him on everything. This thread made me curious so I had a look at his instagram and he's put up photos of them together in the last 2 weeks so yet again he's lying... Idiot!!

The point of my story op is it doesn't matter what you did, you were suspicious and you were right. Why would you stay with him when your relationship means so little to him that he's saying it doesn't exist?
Why care about what you did, he has no right to judge you.
He's messing you around hoping someone will believe him like the idiot in my story and eventually he will meet someone he does respect and will move on.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Thank you for all the replies. The advice is pretty consistent across the board. I also know a guy like that and I never thought my own boyfriend could call into the asshole category.

I am not trying to justify his actions by saying I was also wrong. But I was, and tbh behaviour that breaches trust in any sense is not acceptable in a relationship so I'm not excusing myself. He is now saying the account was fake and he said he was single to call out a catfish. He showed me it and he also gave his number so I am calling bull****. He is basically pleading with me now to stay.

I am ignoring him. Still feeling numb. I know what I have to do but it's just so difficult to walk away when you have feelings. I also know my worth and hope I am strong enough to follow through. I was worried he would think I was crazy, and will use my looking at Instagram to manipulate the situation.

Neyite

Whatdoido2017 wrote: »

He is now saying the account was fake and he said he was single to call out a catfish. He showed me it and he also gave his number so I am calling bull****. He is basically pleading with me now to stay.

Ooh, haven't heard that one before - that's novel!

If you are trolling a catfish, you'd tell your partner, even just for the laughs or input into the trolling. And you wouldn't divulge your real number either.

You are doing the right thing.

Ursus Horribilis

Why would he even have a catfish to troll in the first place?

LegacyUser

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Why would he even have a catfish to troll in the first place?

I was thinking the same. Any normal respectful boyfriend wouldn't even engage in that.