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How to handle gay friendships?

  • 06-09-2017 9:34pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been out for a good few years, but only now am I getting into the gay scene, in some ways. I've been to a couple of gay bars and have made some gay friends, but now I am realising that Ireland and the gay community is a very small place!

    I don't meet too many guys, but I have dated or slept with a few over my years. Now I see that some of my friends are friends with guys I've been with before. I have yet to meet them in a social setting, but I know they hang out together.

    Another funny but awkward thing is that I saw my friend tagged in a photo with a group of guys, 2 of which I had talked to on Grindr, and one who I had slept with! I hope I don't come across as some kind of guy who goes around sleeping with everyone, in fact I'm quite the opposite! But I do find I recognise a lot of my friends friends from being on Tinder and Grindr.

    How do you deal with that kind of situation? I'm sure it happens pretty regularly. Is it best not to acknowledge it and if I bump into them just pretend I've never met them before?


Comments

  • #2
    cgcsb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,909 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    You would say hello to them and ask how they are. It would be extremely childish and rude to ignore someone.


  • #3
    Ten of Swords
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,409 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    morethanfriends wrote: »
    Is it best not to acknowledge it and if I bump into them just pretend I've never met them before?

    Eh no, why would you do that?

    Dublin scene is smallish, think two degrees of separation rather than six! Odds are your friends will either know or have had relationships/hookups/interactions with some of the people you've been with before but so what? We're essentially all in the same situation, would you prefer they blank you in a social situation? That is not the way to behave and you will probably embarrass your friends doing that too.

    We all have a past, you sound like you are not totally comfortable with yours. Also, it doesn't matter how many people someone has slept with, it's just a number not a stick to beat them with.

    Moderator: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender, Vegan & Vegetarian

    Category Moderator: Social & Fun



  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cgcsb wrote: »
    You would say hello to them and ask how they are. It would be extremely childish and rude to ignore someone.
    Ten of Swords wrote: »
    Dublin scene is smallish, think two degrees of separation rather than six! Odds are your friends will either know or have had relationships/hookups/interactions with some of the people you've been with before but so what? We're essentially all in the same situation, would you prefer they blank you in a social situation? That is not the way to behave and you will probably embarrass your friends doing that too.

    I think you misunderstood me! I wasn't suggesting to ignore anyone. It was more that I would pretend I didn't know them when introduced by my friend.

    If he said to me "morethanfriends, this is John" and I went "oh I already know John", then I would just have to explain how I know him which could be embarrassing for me. I'm a bit shy when it comes to talking about relationships.


  • #5
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    morethanfriends wrote: »
    How do you deal with that kind of situation? I'm sure it happens pretty regularly. Is it best not to acknowledge it and if I bump into them just pretend I've never met them before?
    Trust me, that says a LOT more about you to other people than people knowing you had relations with them. It is a bad quality to start burning bridges and causing complex tensions with people you are likely to run in with again in the future. It's not a big deal, just relax and be social.


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    J_E wrote: »
    Trust me, that says a LOT more about you to other people than people knowing you had relations with them. It is a bad quality to start burning bridges and causing complex tensions with people you are likely to run in with again in the future. It's not a big deal, just relax and be social.

    I'm not sure what you mean? I was just thinking it would be best to be private about our dating relationship (by which I mean one date, or even a conversation on grindr!). I didn't think that would be burning bridges.

    Maybe I'm explaining myself really poorly! To put it simply, if I'm out with my friend and meet one of his friends that I went on a date with, is it best for both of us to go along with the introduction and let on that we've never met before?

    I'm not suggesting ignoring him or not chatting between ourselves. I just don't want to air our dirty laundry so to speak!


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