Ending it Dilemma

VegetaIRL8e

Hey guys. Mods please move if you feel it best...but it's a mix of personal issue and relationship. 
I've been dating my gf for 3yrs....however for whatever the reasons are, wanting very different things being one, I had come to a point in the relationship where I was unhappy and knew that the relationship wasn't going to last. There is certainly for me a good friendship but as someone to spend/enjoy the rest of my life with I just know it won't work.  I have a few friends that know I was going to end it and I was just building up to the right time to have the chat. (different work times)

Come this morning we find out that she is pregnant.  She's scared but happy as I suppose in her head this was a long lasting relationship. I'm scared and I feel completely trapped but also lost. I suffer hugely from anxiety and over thinking and I just can't seem to think straight. I care for her but not in that way anymore. I certainly would support a child and I would never run away from my responsibilities but as for the actual relationship between her and I, it's just not workable. I'd feel though if I ended it it would be taken as running away. I don't care about what other ppl think....but in my head....id judge myself. 

While I dont expect anyone here to give me a magic answer or anything I suppose I'd just like to, word vomit for one, but see what otjers ppl opinions are. Is it best for the baby to stay around and just grin and bare the relationship or am I better off being honest and upfront and from a relationship perspective ending it while also supporting and caring for the baby as best we can? 

Thanks for reading.

eviltwin

Staying together for the sake of a child is a bad idea that rarely works. A pregnancy can't make you feel something you don't. Its terrible timing but you should make it a priority to tell her its over today because the longer you leave it the harder it will be. It also means she has time to think about what she wants to do. Do not put this on the long finger, do the decent thing and tell her as soon as possible.

banoffe2

Oh what a difficult predicament to be in OP.

No magic formula here, but you don't have to rush in and do anything impulsive in haste, it sounds like you had made the decision to go your separate ways when she discovered she was pregnant, do you think she had any hint or idea how you felt about the future of your relationship?
FWIW I would move slowly as it is a very sensitive issue.

The decision and the timing of the announcement don't have to happen all at once.

The very best of luck to you both

eviltwin

The problem with waiting is if his decision impacts her decision regarding the pregnancy then he's not giving her much time to make up her mind. And what good is waiting when he knows it's over?

Rekop dog

Let her know how you feel sooner rather than later so there's still plenty of time for her and you to decide whether you want to keep it or not.

leggo

Just come clean. Tell her a sensitive version of what you've told us here about how it's been on your mind (leave out the friends knowing and the waiting for the right moment parts, phrase it like you've been having doubts) and the seriousness of this made up your mind. Then decide as the parents of this child what you want to do about it, i.e. Abortion, co-parenting etc.

Rachiee

The timing is bad in the sense that to her, her friends, and her family it will look like you are just panicking and trying to shirk your responsibilities. But you know yourself that the decision was long made and that you intend to support the child. People can think what they want actions speak louder than words at the end of the day.
This is going to be extremely hard on your partner but its not going to get any easier the longer you leave it. Make it a priority to tell her and be clear with her you want to support her.

VegetaIRL8e

Hi guys.
Thanks for the responses and yeah I knew quick action was better than leaving it and over thinking it in my head to her/my detrament. We're going to chat tonight about it. It's not going to be easy and well I'm going to feel like an a**hole but I suppose I know in myself the choice was made ages ago.
Thanks again everyone.