Arrogant housemate

LegacyUser

I work and rent in Dublin and houseshare with two guys. We don't see a lot of each other working long hours. Wouldn't say we are friends like going for pints or anything but yeah get on fine

One guy has a habit of talking down to me. Isn't always but every once in a while. I say something or make a point "no, no, stop, listen, listen to me, you're not hearing what I'm saying". This could be anything , hell I say Neymar is a world class footballer, discussion of music band, anything and I'm corrected and "stop, listen, you're not hearing me". It's not agressive but yeah is a bit arrogant

Went to work to 8am yesterday morning, went to league of Ireland football after work, arrived back near 10:45. I forgot GAA fixtures but remembered he was going to Croke Park. Asked when his match was on, got a sneering look like I was a fool, told it was on the Saturday , it's a replay and "I told you this". I was a bit taken aback replied "don't be so shocked, I don't remember the fixtures". Ye we had discussed a few days ago but I don't follow GAA or remember.

I left the room fuming and cursing under my breath, telling myself I was a pushover. This has been building for a long time. I want to call him out and tell him knock it off but do I say it next opportunity or wait until it happens again which it will.

Tigger99

Or option 3, don't engage with him. If he does brings up sports again etc I'd calmingly and in a joking manner, ha why are you asking me, sure you aren't interested in my answer?

I do wonder why you feel so angry and sound a bit powerless. He sounds like an idiot. Do you feel you are a pushover in other parts of your life?

I Am_Not_Ice

I'd definitely knock this on the head asap, OP. The next time he speaks to you with an attitude tell him to have a bit of manners. You could even do it in a jokey "listen, would ya ever cop on!" sort of way, as long as he gets the message that he's overstepping the mark with you and you're not going to put up with it. The two of you don't need to be the best of friends or anything, but you are living together and there should be a certain level of decency and respect from both sides. And if he continues, cut your losses and ignore him since he's obviously just an oblivious ar*ehole who's not really worth worrying about.

Pac1Man

Sounds like he heard this little phrase from somewhere, liked how it sounded and is now regurgitating it.

Try responding by directly answering what he says, e.g "I do hear you and understand what you are saying but....x, y, z."

If he knows you will directly answer him, perhaps he will put actual thought into what he says.

There's probably nothing sinister behind his words but that would irritate me too! Don't back down on your point of view either of you genuinely believe it.

zoobizoo

Maybe he's picked up a bad habit along the way and says it like he would have said to a young brother or sister who wouldn't have been in a position to answer back or offer an opinion.

It might be a default position... Not that that's an excuse.

I'd respond with a smile and
"I am hearing you, I don't agree with your opinion"

Some people do not understand that other people are allowed to have a different opinion.

Try to make light of it rather than turning it into a big issue.

As for GAA.... I'm 44 and have never been to a Game. I know nothing about it so would never ask anything about it. Equally, I would never respond to chat about it other than "I have no idea." and the classic "what team should I support?"

freshpopcorn

Part of me says don't be so sensitive around this guy.
Lots of people get like this when talking about sports and there's no talking to them. I find ignoring them is the best thing to do rather than getting all worked up. Do you get bothered by things in other areas of your life?
Some people get sneer when they tell people stuff and the other persons forgets. He's probably could start a thread saying his housemate asks questions to stuff he's not interested in forgets the answers asks and asks again.

December2012

Quite simply say "you're speaking very rudely to me" and disengage.

leggo

I get you OP, I hate little things like this too and when they're in your home adding stress to the place that's supposed to be your refuge, no matter how ridiculous and small it may seem to outsiders, it can be a big deal!

In terms of his "you're not listening to me" tick, the best way I find with this stuff is to directly address it in a non-confrontational way. I'd be like "no, no, I am listening to you, you're just wrong" in a jokey, slagging way. Do that a few times and it neutralises that as an effective way of speaking to you, maybe gets him thinking "wait why do I say that to people and why would it bother them?" and diffuses the situation without tension.

If it continues, what I'd do personally (because it fits with my personality) is to start analysing and slagging their little annoying ticks in an affectionate way and putting them on the table. For example with one guy I know, let's call him Stan, he'd often gaslight and veer off-topic in any kind of debate or discussion we'd have, so I started calling that 'Stanning' and pointing out when he did it. It wrecked his head a bit but it dealt with the issue.

If you learn how to slag and banter and speak in that kinda tone, it can answer so many issues for you with people like this. In my experience, when people speak to others this way, it comes down to lack of respect at the core. So once you make them respect you, all of that will change.

Teyla Emmagan

You're not a pushover, he's just rude. He probably annoys people he meets in every aspect of his life. He obviously thinks every pearl of wisdom that drops from his lips should be cherished. I would dismiss him, it will drive him mad. Go with the "I am listening, I just don't happen to agree" approach. Or "Sure I've no interest in the GAA, I did well to realise there was a match on at all". Some people just don't realise that it's okay for people to disagree with them/have other interests!!

Garrett81

amapushover wrote: »

I work and rent in Dublin and houseshare with two guys. We don't see a lot of each other working long hours. Wouldn't say we are friends like going for pints or anything but yeah get on fine

One guy has a habit of talking down to me. Isn't always but every once in a while. I say something or make a point "no, no, stop, listen, listen to me, you're not hearing what I'm saying". This could be anything , hell I say Neymar is a world class footballer, discussion of music band, anything and I'm corrected and "stop, listen, you're not hearing me". It's not agressive but yeah is a bit arrogant

Went to work to 8am yesterday morning, went to league of Ireland football after work, arrived back near 10:45. I forgot GAA fixtures but remembered he was going to Croke Park. Asked when his match was on, got a sneering look like I was a fool, told it was on the Saturday , it's a replay and "I told you this". I was a bit taken aback replied "don't be so shocked, I don't remember the fixtures". Ye we had discussed a few days ago but I don't follow GAA or remember.

I left the room fuming and cursing under my breath, telling myself I was a pushover. This has been building for a long time. I want to call him out and tell him knock it off but do I say it next opportunity or wait until it happens again which it will.

Don't be expecting him to Change, change your reaction because you will meet people like him and worse for the rest of your life.

Katgurl

Don't be branding yourself a pushover - i can guarantee he talks to everyone like this.

I do empathise on how annoying it must bw however.

I think most of the suggested responses would work depending on your personality. I myself wouldn't be able to do leggo's jokey ones because i am a direct talker and instead of coming across lighthearted it would sound stressed and passive-aggressive. But that is just me. I would be more inclined to say some or any of the following -

"Why are you speaking to me like that?"
"I do hear you but i do not need to be given opinions, i can form my own."
"I am sure you did tell me me but i clearly forgot."

Whatever style of response fits naturally to you is the right one but i think the key is to move the attention away from whatever subject material he is ramming down your throat and challenging him on his way of talking to you.

He sounds like an utter kn0b to be honest. I cohabited with a girl once who was actually a friend of mine. We were part of the same social group but had not spent much time on our own. I had a similar experience; she would dismiss whatever i said, insult me and put me down. Like you i found it very upsetting - as if i was a halfwit with no style or cop on about anything. I felt powerless in the friendship.

Then for whatever reason i figured out that instead of constantly defending myself, choices, opinions i could just neutralise her attacks as outlined above. She didn't like it as she was used to taking her problems on me but i became almost instantly happier.

fizzypish

Some people are like that. Think of it as a learning experience. Reduce communication. Keep the chatting to pleasantries if that. Don't leave him into your life in any way. "Hey man, good day?", *his response. "Cool, talk to ya later". OR *Insert some snide remark here, "fair enough" and walk out of the room. He calls you stupid over something, "Ya your right", smile and walk out of the room. This only works if after you leave the room and he evaporates out of your mind. Your last thought about him as you walk out the door should be "What a dick" and that's it. The other route is to confront it but it kinda sounds like this might just be that guys personality so nothing will change and he'll probably start ragging on you for being a snow flake. Water over a ducks back!

5rtytry56

fizzypish wrote: »

Some people are like that. Think of it as a learning experience. Reduce communication...........The other route is to confront it but it kinda sounds like this might just be that guys personality so nothing will change and he'll probably start ragging on you for being a snowflake

Just go:) with the first option OP.

Emme

Does this guy have many friends? I would be surprised if he had.

The next time he does that pull him up on it. If he doesn't improve then don't engage with him where possible.