Long distance love turning to long distance dirty talk.

orclare

I met a guy in May, he’s English and was here for a weekend, we hit it off immensely, had some lovely dates and basically got on like a house on fire. He went back and we kept in constant contact by phone/text there were literally not enough hours in the day for everything we wanted to speak about, personal stuff, funny stuff, deep stuff and sometimes very flirty stuff, we hadn’t slept with each other prior to this but It was apparent that we both more than wanted to.
Anyway, he came to see me last weekend and despite my nerves that I really don’t know him exceptionally well, we got on so well. We didn’t stop laughing /chatting and enjoying each other’s company. The sex was utterly amazing. We were both blown away (no pun intended) Anyway, obviously the weekend came to an end, and he returned home.
We are still in touch everyday but I don’t know, he is constantly leading the conversation towards the sexual, now I’m no prude and I have certainly enjoyed our racey calls and text messages in the past, and I still do, but since he came to visit, he seems to have forgotten that I’m an intelligent kind of girl, with more to offer than sexy talk. He did say when I brought it up that there was so much more to us than the sex, but then quickly reverted to well, the sex talk. He did mention that he had more sex in the weekend he was here than he had in the previous year, so perhaps he’s just pleased to be back in the saddle, I guess I’m starting to feel like an 0800 number and whilst I don’t want to dampen his fabulous ardour any, I miss the days where we could speak about other things.

miamee

In my experience in some relationships once sex is introduced, everything else is forgotten. I know the feeling you mean and it's not nice to feel that you have now become this one dimensional being there to satisfy his needs and not much else. As you say, it may just be the fact that he hasn't been sexually active recently and he may calm down after a while I'd be wary that he didn't heed you asking him to dial it back already though.

Bambi985

Have you had the conversation about "where is this going" and do you know that he actually wants a relationship? Is there a plan beyond long-distance or are you both just playing by ear to see where it goes?

orclare

I'm going to visit him in October, up until now it seemed a little previous to have the conversation, as despite the fact that we are in constant contact, we really haven't seen one another often. It's still very much at a see how we get on stage. Perhaps my next visit is the time to have a laid back conversation about what we're at

Masterofballs

If you saw each other physically, you would probably be in the riding at every opportunity stage so because you don't see each other physically he probably is in that mind frame, that is not to say if you are not happy about it then you should change that dynamic, just be straightforward and tell him you are still getting to know him and are enjoying that process and that there is time for sexy time but you want to get to know him more on a intellectual level as well as an intimate level.

LegacyUser

You've met twice, just for weekends, once when he came here for something else and a second time when he came here probably knowing that sex was on the cards. How is that long-distance "love"? No matter how great your messages and texts where, that's not a basis for being in love with someone or calling it love. Your expectations of what has so far only been some kind of fling are as much a problem has his excited puppy reaction to sex.

If you want something more out of this and a more holistic relationship, you're going to have to find a way to see each other more frequently that every 3 months, otherwise he's almost certainly going to see it as an infrequent but exciting foreign fling and no more.

Mr. Incognito

In any relationship sex is a huge part at the start.

It then fades.

In a year if you last you will be back to talking about boring things and you'll miss the sex talk.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

orclare

My use of the word love wasa little tongue in cheek, I am not in Love with him, however I am very attracted to him and enjoy his company more than I have with anybody for years.
The frequency of our meetings are simply down to real life getting in the way, he started a new job not long after we met, then I did. He went on a three week holiday, I have one coming up. And various other things that were planned before we knew of one anothers existance.
I'm struggling with how my expectations are a problem. I have none that are unrealistic or over the top. I want to spend sometime with somebody I feel I could care about, A farily reasonable way to feel I would think.
As sombody said this perhaps is that great stage of a relationship where passions are running high and under normal circumstances I would love it so maybe I should enjoy it and look forward to seeing him again.

LegacyUser

orclare wrote: »

with how my expectations are a problem. I have none that are unrealistic or over the top. I want to spend sometime with somebody I feel I could care about, A farily reasonable way to feel I would think.

Of course you're struggling to see how your expectations are a problem, that's why you had to ask for other people's opinions. Your expectations of this situation are unrealistic, you want to spend time with someone, but he lives in a different country. You also say you enjoy his company, but of course you do, he was on holidays for a weekend when you met, then on holidays and getting sex the next time you met, it's very easy to be enjoyable company in those situations. You're looking for him to show you a deeper appreciation of you emotionally and intellectually.....by text and phone....from a different country....when you've met twice; that's why your expectations are unrealistic, they're based on very little and going by his tone since he went home, maybe nothing at all.

Bambi985

Personally if it was me, I'd probably stress again that while you obviously have wonderful sexual chemistry, I wasn't comfortable with the constant sexy talk and I'd stop responding every time he moved things that way. That's the only way to assert yourself here and see if he's actually interested in more than a fling with an Irish girl.

orclare

I've asked for other people opinions on the change from normal conversations to a very definate turn to the sexual, I didn't "have" to ask for anybody's opinion, I "wanted" to. I've also asked for no help with my own expectations. I am rather clear and certain about what I expect, in a nutshell, and at this stage, I expect the chance to see a little more of somebody I really like, and an opportunity take things from there. I have no doubts in my mind that he also likes me, That's not an issue and I never sought to make it one. These are the facts as I know them. The term "getting sex" feels a little wrong to me, I wasn't serving him, we were, and are two consenting adults who are attracted to one another and "had" sex. Yes, of course it's easy to be enjoyable company under certain circumstances, the real life day to day company could be a totally different story, but I am more than willing to find out if this is the case.

orclare

Yeh, if he was here in the same country and we were going through the not enough hours in the day for all the sex we want to have, it would be a different story, I guess it doesn't translate so well, and may just explain it to him that way

LegacyUser

Babe, he ain't taking this is half as serious as you, and you can be damn sure he ain't posting about it on any websites.

Of course he wants to have phone s*x, he's fantasizing about the time you spent together and wants your help in a little thing call tom hanks.

Why would he NOT say there was more to it than s*x, he doesn't want you to just drop him like a cold bag of sick, he still wants to have some kicks.

You can either a) resign yourself to the dirty talk or b) tell him to jog on. Coz I'll eat my mink coat if you're still 'together' in 6 months time

orclare

Ha.ha Thank you. I am more than aware of the phone sex drill.... Jeez at this stage of my life I could write a book on it. There's a very good chance you're right, there's a very good chance you're not. It's a risk. And neither you nor I nor he can guarantee the way it will pan out in 6 weeks n'er mind 6 months. But hey... please dont eat any items of clothing just yet.
Im a little baffled about the surprise at my posting on here. This is what its for no? And you're right Im fairly sure hes not on manforum.com bleating on from his perspective. This man thus far has treated me exceptionally well. He never forgets things that are important to me, calls me repeatedly (ok yes of late the calls have turned risque a lot of the time) Sends me very sweet messages, and wants to take me to a family wedding in October (News just in) I assume this is not with the sole intention of taking me over the top table during the best man speech.
Ive been in long distsnce relationships in the past where the phone side became important. I've just never started something this way which is why its unchartered territory.
Im going to go with the flow. And see what happens. He could just be out for a good time (which Im fairly sure he could have in a more logistically friendly location) Or he could be a nice albeit horny guy