Signs you're a *insert your city* veteran

HughWotMVIII

What are the quirks unique to your city?

A Canadian who'd had been living in Kigali for a couple of years wrote this in 2014. I thought it absolutely spot on for almost everything.

I live in Kigali now, but for a short short while, I lived in Dublin too. I wouldn't consider myself a Dublin veteran so it was difficult for me to compare and contrast. I am curious to know how this list would compare to a Dublin one, or whichever city you think you know well enough.

Signs you're a Kigali veteran

1. You know where to get the best brochettes (grilled meat on a skewer), fish, nyama choma, and aka benz and share the locations with only your favourite and most trusted friends.

2. You know what nyama choma and aka benz are. Grilled meat on a platter and fried pork with onions on a platter respectively.

3. You know that the word ‘mini’ has more to do with government than it does with size. All the ministries start with "Mini" because the acronyms were originally in French. So the ministry of Justice for example is Minijust, short for, Ministere de la Justice.

4. You walk alone at night and take rides offered by complete strangers and don’t think twice about your personal safety.

5. You’ve had something stolen from Sundowner. Sundowner is a popular open air bar.

6. You know that nothing will get done when it’s raining. It's true. Rwandans have an absurd fear of the rain so it's perfectly acceptable to say, I was late to x, y, z because it was raining.

7. You approach busy roundabouts with an intense fear of other drivers.

8. You get out of traffic tickets by speaking quickly in English, pointing at things, and generally acting erratic and confusing until they wave you on.

9. You walk on the grass at every opportunity when you’re outside of Rwanda. Because walking on the grass is illegal in Rwanda and carries a heavy fine.

10. Motos (motorbike taxis) have ruined you for life for cheap and convenient transportation (and fun! And kind of dangerous… I guess).

11. You fully appreciate the wonderfulness of having two of the world’s most beautiful lakes (Kivu and Bunyonyi) within a three hour drive and take advantage of that as often as possible.

12. You skip chips and order ibirayi (potatoes, cooked in different ways) instead.

13. You’ve developed either a passionate love or extreme dislike of ikivuguto (fermented milk) and understand that there’s no middle ground on the matter.

14. You’re pleasantly surprised when a meal at a local bar comes within two hours.

15. Mayonnaise mixed with ketchup and pili pili (hot sauce; very very spicy hot sauce) is an acceptable and delicious dipping sauce.

16. You’ve learned that cake here is never as delicious as it looks. Fool me once…

17. Seeing an entire block of newly constructed buildings each time you visit another part of town no longer surprises you.

18. You know that ‘Fanta’ means Coke, Sprite, Fanta, and probably even tea and coffee.

19. You accept that Fanta is the beverage of choice at all social gatherings.

20. For you, wine comes in boxes.

21. When your moto driver rips you off you laugh at him until he smiles and gives you the correct change.

22. You’re no longer phased that ‘salad’ is sometimes a plate full of delicious onions and you happily eat them all.

23. You know better than to go out to dinner with more than six people at once.

24. You understand that ‘I am coming’ probably means nothing of the sort.

25. You have a favourite Indian restaurant and will not let anyone tell you that yours isn’t the best in town. The best is totally Zaaffran, by the way.

26. You’ve gotten used to the sounds of 6am gardening outside your bedroom window and know that there’s just no way to make it stop.

27. You’re baffled that the world has yet to discover the gingery, chocolatey goodness of an African coffee (or African tea, for that matter).

28. Seeing a man carrying a metal bed frame on a moto no longer surprises you. Nor does a guy walking down the road with a bathtub on his head.

29. You’re amused by Bourbon Cafe's ‘vegan sandwich with ham’ and other menu quirks found around town.

30. Riding on a moto with ridiculous items such as giant mirrors or four bags of groceries has become normal for you.

31. You know that the closest you’ll get to a cocktail at a bar, is ordering gin and tonic separately, then asking for an extra glass.

32. You use uphill moto rides as an opportunity to exercise your core.

33. You’ve fallen down one of the giant gutters at the side of the road either with your car or with yourself.

34. You smuggle one plastic bag into the country to have something waterproof to wrap your stuff in during rainy season – and feel ashamed.

35. You appreciate the city’s clean streets and, despite being a jerk who smuggled in one plastic bag, you’re proud of Rwanda’s bag ban and tell your friends all about it at every opportunity.

36. You’ve mastered the art of stacking a buffet plate sky high and feel no shame at asking for a takeaway container for the leftovers.

37. You know that in the case of banana varieties here, bigger is not better. There are two kinds of bananas, small ones and big ones and the small ones are preferred by most people.

38. Immigration has made you cry.

39. You accept that greetings are a big deal and don’t plan to get anything done until you’ve asked how everyone’s second and third cousins are doing.

40. It’s crazy to you that the ‘Western’ world doesn’t eat more goat.

41. Weather should be perfect every day and you’re not willing to accept anything less.

42. Polo is played on motos, not horses.

43. If you’re feeling lonely, you know that obliging random bus passengers with your phone number will ensure that you’ll get several phone calls calls a day. Every day. Until the end of time.

44. You know what a perfect avocado is.

45. You say ‘oya’ when people say something wrong, even when you’re outside Rwanda. "Oya" means "no" in Kinyarwanda"

46. You order ‘fried lice’ and nobody bats an eye. This one made me howl with laughter. Rwandans like the our Chinese brothers have an l and r issue.

47. Discussing the progress of your vegetable garden is perfectly normal small talk.

48. You’ve accepted potato wedges, fries, and pasta as normal pizza toppings.

49. You are no longer freaked out by the monkey curiously peeking through your bathroom window… just mildly annoyed.

50. You’ve learned that ‘wife’, ‘boyfriend’, or ‘girlfriend’ are guidelines really…

51. You’ve discovered that Valium is sold over the counter.

52. You’ve brought a motorcycle helmet from home and have forgotten it at every bar and restaurant in the city (but it always seems to return to you).

53. You’re no longer grossed out by the twice yearly invasion of moths, flying ants, and grasshoppers.

54. You’ve still never figured out when, exactly, the rainy seasons start and finish and have stopped trying to.

55. You have a ‘guy’ for everything. Plumbing, electricity, fridge fixing, firewood sourcing, taxi driving, and on and on.

56. Sweeping the grass and, yes, even washing the palm trees is normal. Nature gotta stay clean, yo.

57. You converse with government agencies more on Twitter than you do on the phone.

58. All together you’ve spent a combined 47 days of your life waiting for government officials to get out of meetings.

Dramatik

You know where to get drink after last orders

me_irl

Signs I'm a Facebook Veteran.

Seeing "FW: FW: FW: RE: RE: RE: LOL" emails appear as twenty page clickbait links on sh*te like Buzzfeed or somehow making their way to boards.

Mr. CooL ICE

Knowing whether Donkey Ford's, Kashmir or Chicken Hut is the best place to eat depending on the person's level of drunkenness = Limerick veteran

coffee_cake

Mr canadian man should learn the difference between phased and fazed

_Kaiser_

I still consider myself a Dub even though I haven't actually lived there in a few years (just work there now, and no wish to move back either) and the fact that my car has a non-D plate annoys me.

Seriously.. you should be let re-register a used car once when you buy it .. I'd even pay money to do so!

rainbow kirby

You're too long in London when a 5 minute wait for a train is about 3 minutes too long...

Balmed Out

Cork; You inexplicably end most sentences with the word like without ever noticing.

Bambi985

Signs you're a London veteran:

You're a pro at pretending to read emails on your phone on the tube.

You haven't been to Oxford street or Trafalgar Square in years because you are not mental.

You think slow walkers should be shot and/or jailed.

You can't remember what it's like to have a garden.

You think £7 for a gin & tonic is reasonable and acceptable.

You forget how to drive.

You don't giggle when you get on the Piccadilly line at Heathrow airport and hear "this train terminates at Cockfosters"

You constantly contemplate moving out of London. Your google search engine is filled with "how long to commute from Surrey to London" and "Gravesend house prices" and "Royston-London season ticket prices".

You hate people in general. Fcuk everyone.

Hector Bellend

Signs you are a Dublin veteran.

You show tourists where to go to avoid drinking in temple bar

HughWotMVIII

Bambi985 wrote: »

Signs you're a London veteran:

You don't giggle when you get on the Piccadilly line at Heathrow airport and hear "this train terminates at Cockfosters"

I giggled. Now going to search youtube to hear someone actually this out loud. :pac:

Syphonax

Boston, I know where all the best Italian grub places are and where they serve 'real Guinness' in a pint glass not ina pitcher!

Arghus

Signs you're a Galway veteran:

You enjoy the taste of Buckfast.

PhoenixParker

Bambi985 wrote: »

Signs you're a London veteran:

You're a pro at pretending to read emails on your phone on the tube.

You haven't been to Oxford street or Trafalgar Square in years because you are not mental.

You think slow walkers should be shot and/or jailed.

You can't remember what it's like to have a garden.

You think £7 for a gin & tonic is reasonable and acceptable.

You forget how to drive.

You don't giggle when you get on the Piccadilly line at Heathrow airport and hear "this train terminates at Cockfosters"

You constantly contemplate moving out of London. Your google search engine is filled with "how long to commute from Surrey to London" and "Gravesend house prices" and "Royston-London season ticket prices".

You hate people in general. Fcuk everyone.

You hear or read that someone has committed suicide by train and you think "selfish bastard" and grumble about the delay on your train.