Wedding Issues

jm92

Hi guys,

I'm 25 and getting married next year. My mother and I have rarely seen eye to eye in the last few years. Since I Moved out of the house with my fiancé in my final year of college and we got engaged at Christmas shes had nothing but snide comments at me. She always puts me down and has me crying most days when I come off the phone with her. My own family even admitted she wouldn't talk to me when I got engaged and took it very badly. She use to love my fiancé until recently when she realised the wedding is coming closer and he 'stole me ' from her. She is a stubborn person an whenever I bring it up about how I feel it turns into a massive row. While I admit I'm not perfect and I do say things wrong at times especially when I'm trying to talk to her about how I feel she's never wrong in her head. I told her jobs I applied to and she laughs at me . It's so sickening . I usually have to beg and beg for her to talk to me after and she loves that. Anyway, I have my first wedding dress/ fitting this weekend and I am excited . That was until last week when a fight emerged between us and now shes 'Disowning the little c**t' that I am. I'm gutted. at the end of the day shes my mother and I wanted her there but shes refusing and our relationship will be gone if she dosent turn up Saturday. I've begged and begged her and my fiancé saw the whole argument and thinks shes being ridiculous . I'm at my wits end here. My hair is falling out from stress and I have a lot of medical problems . She likes to play the victim constantly as shes never ever wrong . Should I Keep begging like I have all week or cut myself a break and go to my fitting without her and just stop pushing so hard for our relationship ?

myshirt

Have you asked her what her problem is?

Can your father talk to her? Or your siblings?

jm92

I have asked. Then the arguments start
My Father never bothers , he never wants hassle.

__________________

Silently correcting your manners

Addle

Why do you want her there?
You know she won't be supportive, and then you'll complain that she's not supportive.
Don't ask again.
Go without her.
Don't allow her to treat you that way.

GingerLily

There are so many threads on personal issues that sound exactly like this.

It sounds like your mother is a narcist, you may get better advise if you move this thread to PI, as there are a lot of posters there who can give you better advice then me.

jm92

I have a massive family. If it goes as far as not speaking before the wedding then a lot of questions will be raised by my family. I Just don't want to throw my mother out of my wedding plans. She's making it hard not to though

dinneenp

What will keep begging achieve? She might go but she's in control, having you beg. For your health just tell her marriage is going ahead, if she has nothing positive to offer to say nothing.

Don't get into a big discussion about it. Then don't call her, just get on with planning etc. easier said than done but you can't continue as you are.

me_irl

Wow... just... wow! With a Mother like that who needs enemies?

Sounds like you've tried to mend whatever rift she created and she's not meeting you halfway with any of it. Or, when you do feel like you're getting somewhere she'll cause a fight to protect herself (I've an uncle who does this as a "temporary bridge burning" exercise he does each time he visits. He somehow maintains the high ground by leaving on these terms!).

If it was me, I'd just drop her out of my life completely. As it worries me that she would cause a scene at the wedding just to get back at you (for something you didn't do by the way... this guilt trip she's putting you under must be torturous).

Or if you wanted to take the high ground, invite her to the wedding and then stop all communication thereafter.

You could go the professional route and book a group therapy session. It seems like your mother has a few things to work out in a safe environment.

py2006

Stop all contact NOW.

It's doing you no good and effecting your health and what is an exciting time for you.

Let her be the one to contact you and if it gets nasty...hang up!

Difficult, I know, but the penny may eventually drop.

Life is far far too short .

jm92

She didn't show her true colours to my fiancé until the last few months. She has this pretence that she's perfect, never wrong, ever. Even if she done something horrible to me somehow It'll come back to being my fault . My parents in law are saints. They're always there for me. I'm bringing My fiancé's Mom with me. My mother always has to have the higher ground . My father isn't much better. I've barely spoken to him in a long time and if we do speak its 'how's work' 'How's life' that's it. He had more interest in my cousins wedding than my own. My heart is broke . I'm crying all the time and stressed beyond belief. My own GP is telling me to relax. I was doing okay until this happened last week. Today I Called and messaged and got told I'm not wanted anymore. That I lied in front of my fiancé for sympathy from him . He was there the whole time . If he opens his mouth he's told mind his own f***ING business. We cant win.

Either put the wedding plans on hold or go ahead, inviting her to come as a guest. Do not involve her in any of the planning.

Faith

Mod note: This is more suited to the personal issues forum, so I've moved it from the weddings forum.

Please note, the Personal Issues charter is now in effect. Please read it before posting if you're not familiar with it.

duplicate here so locking this
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057777960