What to do

LegacyUser

A month ago my other half of 4 years broke up with me via text message after a row. However the text message was more then likely an attempt to get a reaction from me. I was on the receiving end of a huge degree of passive aggression verging on emotional abuse during the relationship.

So the only reaction he got was for me to accept his text message and try to get on with it. I did not respond at all. I thought I deserved a bit more then a horrible text after 4 years.

This week I got blocked from social media. I am feeling very hurt and frustrated and also missing him a lot. He only blocked me but none of my family. I really feel like caving into him right now and contacting him. My head says no way but my heart says different.

ellie1

Do not contact him. Concentrate on building yourself up.

Big Bag of Chips

For what reason would you contact him?
What would you hope would be the outcome of contacting him?
What do you think is the most likely outcome of you contacting him?

He did a spiteful, spineless thing. If you have an issue, or want to raise a problem with your other half, you talk to them, not end the relationship by text.

Obviously we have no details, but he ended it with you. If he wants to change that situation it's up to him to contact you. If he's too stubborn and waiting for you to beg him back, you're probably better off away from him. It's not the way you want to be treated in a relationship.

Rubberchikken

Behaviour like that doesn't deserve any response.
Ignore him. Responding Will only encourage immature emotional abuse. Do you think you deserve this type of treatment?
Truthfully, no one does.

Bambi985

Sorry for what you're going through OP. Four years is a long time and of course you're going to miss him and feel a bit broken after this treatment.

You're right though, you DO deserve better than this, far far better. It can be hard to see sometimes when you're on the inside and you love someone deeply that they're just wrong for you. Don't go running to him, he doesn't deserve it after ending it so disrespectfully. Stay strong. Things will get better, I promise. There's a better life for you out there than what this guy is offering. Hold tight and in a few months you'll be able to see that very clearly x

Ghekko

Ask yourself are you willing to put up with another 4 or, heaven forbid, 40 years of emotional abuse? Don't do it. You are worth more than that, and it seems like you have had a lucky escape. Listen to your head!

Sephiroth_dude

Nocom wrote: »

A month ago my other half of 4 years broke up with me via text message after a row. However the text message was more then likely an attempt to get a reaction from me. I was on the receiving end of a huge degree of passive aggression verging on emotional abuse during the relationship.

So the only reaction he got was for me to accept his text message and try to get on with it. I did not respond at all. I thought I deserved a bit more then a horrible text after 4 years.

This week I got blocked from social media. I am feeling very hurt and frustrated and also missing him a lot. He only blocked me but none of my family. I really feel like caving into him right now and contacting him. My head says no way but my heart says different.

You're well rid, do not contact him again, especially if there was emotional abuse from him, you'll be miserable again in no time, life is too short for that crap, tell you're family what happened and they'll be quick too unfriend him.

Maggiemay13

Nocom wrote: »

A month ago my other half of 4 years broke up with me via text message after a row. However the text message was more then likely an attempt to get a reaction from me. I was on the receiving end of a huge degree of passive aggression verging on emotional abuse during the relationship.

So the only reaction he got was for me to accept his text message and try to get on with it. I did not respond at all. I thought I deserved a bit more then a horrible text after 4 years.

This week I got blocked from social media. I am feeling very hurt and frustrated and also missing him a lot. He only blocked me but none of my family. I really feel like caving into him right now and contacting him. My head says no way but my heart says different.

Hi OP. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. It's such a shame that your boyfriend took this approach in ending your relationship. OP, if you cave into him now you are giving him the very reaction he was hoping for in the first place by defriending you. He is trying to provoke a reaction from you.
In saying that, 4 years is a long time and it is completely understandable that you need a final meet up in order to get some closure. If I were you and I was going down that road, I would plan a meet up on my own terms, and if he isn't on for that I would probably leave it be. But try not to give him the reaction he is hoping for- an angry text message, opening up the opportunity for another argument. I believe that is exactly what he wants.

Ursus Horribilis

Oh dear. This guy really has messed with your head, hasn't he?

I notice he is the one who ended things. So in other words, if he hadn't sent that text you'd still be in that awful relationship. Willing to put up with the "huge degree of passive aggression verging on emotional abuse". It is so desperately sad that you don't feel you are worth more than that. 4 years of this clearly has destroyed your self-esteem and impaired your judgement.

It's so sad that you've been clinging on to the fragments of this bad relationship, instead of trying to get over it. You must have been hoping you'd get back with him if you couldn't bring yourself to delete him from your social media.

I don't know why you feel you deserved more than a text after 4 years. It's not as if he was treating your properly before that. If he's missing you at all, it's the emotional punchbag stuff he's missing. If he loved you, he would have treated you with respect, kindness and all the good stuff that goes along with a normal relationship. Here's a question for you - would you be comfortable with telling anyone in your family how he treated you?

So for what to do.... you continue to ignore this horrible man and thank your lucky stars you "only" had 4 years of this. That you aren't tied to him with children (I hope!) or mortgages or marriage. Block his number on your phone, take him off Snapchat, Whatsapp (I bet you've been stalking him on there) and block him on Facebook. Then talk to someone. Be it a trusted family member or a counsellor. You're badly broken but it's time to build yourself up again.

LegacyUser

Op here. It was not always like that. We did have some great times. I also stood by him through some very difficult times for him. But really he was always very selfish. I'm pretty sure he did not mean to end things with that text. It was an attempt for a reaction.. I just decided the best reaction was not to do anything. That I could not do it any more. The blocking me was another attempt for a reaction. Now I am just feeling very angry and sad as I do somehow love him and miss him.

Thank you for your replies as they have helped and none of my family or friends know. His family know what he is like.

flix1

Thats awful and I feel for you. I think it would be a good idea to respecfully ask your family to unfriend him. It's not good to be looking at him via social media..it'll mess with your head. Think about it...people only post the best boasting pics to make it look like they have amazing lives...thats the last thing you need to be seeing... Outta sight..try to move on.

Ursus Horribilis

Thing is, no bad relationship is all bad. No bad partner has horns on his head. If he or the relationship had been irretrievably bad, you would not have stayed in it. Your biggest danger now is that loneliness and being single will drive you back into his arms. You're already telling us it wasn't so bad. Be careful you don't minimise the bad parts of the relationship and convince yourself there's potential here. There isn't. He had 4 years to treat you well. He didn't.

bp

Make sure you block him back (is that possible if he tries to see her social media again?), and ask your entire family to block him. Delete his phone number and block him on everything he will try get back in touch.

Once you cannot access his life online anymore you can start to heal. When you feel weak remember your resolve when you didn't react - that is what is bothering him. Sorry if that was harsh but he wants to be the one to end it on his terms but you got there first and now he will only get back with you to dump you his way.

Fair play for not playing his game, that was the first step and took guts

desbrook

bp wrote: »

Make sure you block him back (is that possible if he tries to see her social media again?), and ask your entire family to block him. Delete his phone number and block him on everything he will try get back in touch.

Once you cannot access his life online anymore you can start to heal. When you feel weak remember your resolve when you didn't react - that is what is bothering him. Sorry if that was harsh but he wants to be the one to end it on his terms but you got there first and now he will only get back with you to dump you his way.

Fair play for not playing his game, that was the first step and took guts

Just for the OPs benefit blocking someone on FB means they cannot see your stuff as well as you cannot see theirs. Often someone blocking us on FB causes great offense (me included) but the truth is the person does it as seeing their ex upsets them .