Wedding invitation saga - WFT?

sporina

Ok, my mate's mate is getting married - they are getting married in France.
He got an invite for him and plus one.
Obviously he is going to bring his girlfriend - or so he though.
The bride said that he CANNOT take her as they are not going out long enough - that they would need to be together 6 mths +..... (btw they were together 3 mths by the time he got the invite - and he will be with her 5 mths by the time the wedding comes around).
She gave some spiel about only wanting close family and friends to be there..
But what difference would it make if they were together 1-2 mths longer??? (bride has met girlfriend a few times - would they know one another much better? !! :rolleyes:
And so why give him a plus one?; who did she imagine he would ask??! They don't have mutual mates btw - not really - just acquaintances - like me for instance.. (always liked this girl - can't believe this tbh).
And she knew he was with the girl when she gave him the invite.

I would love to hear other's thoughts on this...

Rant over.. (apologies for the tone - still raging for him)

Sols12

That's a very strange sage and I suspect there must be other underlying issues there.

He should just decline the event - simples.

daisydotty81

Sweet Jesus that is just utter ****e! I can't believe someone would send a wedding invite plus one and have stipulations on who they can bring as their plus one! And more so based on how long they've been going out! Is your mate originally friends with the bride or groom? Who do they expect him to bring like? ****e like that just maddens me! People lose the run of themselves when they're getting married!

alchemist33

Sounds like a wedding best avoided.

bucketybuck

Thoughts?

If your mate has anything about him he will tell them to shove their invite up their hole.

missvicky

Can't see why he would be issued with a plus one if the bride did not want him to bring his girlfriend. I wouldn't be very happy with my boyfriend taking some one else to a wedding. I've heard of this 6 month thing quite a few times recently and I must say it baffles me, I mean what difference does it make if your together 2 months or 6, your still in a relationship.

Tigger

sporina wrote: »

Ok, my mate's mate is getting married - they are getting married in France.
He got an invite for him and plus one.
Obviously he is going to bring his girlfriend - or so he though.
The bride said that he CANNOT take her as they are not going out long enough - that they would need to be together 6 mths +..... (btw they were together 3 mths by the time he got the invite - and he will be with her 5 mths by the time the wedding comes around).
She gave some spiel about only wanting close family and friends to be there..
But what difference would it make if they were together 1-2 mths longer??? (bride has met girlfriend a few times - would they know one another much better? !! :rolleyes:
And so why give him a plus one?; who did she imagine he would ask??! They don't have mutual mates btw - not really - just acquaintances - like me for instance.. (always liked this girl - can't believe this tbh).
And she knew he was with the girl when she gave him the invite.

I would love to hear other's thoughts on this...

Rant over.. (apologies for the tone - still raging for him)

so your mate needs to save his mate from the crazy lady

Tigger

alchemist33 wrote: »

Sounds like a wedding best avoided.

sounds like a marraige best avoided

freshpopcorn

Pippa Middleton caused this!

shane b

this may be down to this girl or other temporary friendships turning up in the wedding photos. I got married a few years ago and my younger brother was going out with a girl for about a year. Time came for the family photos and my brother made it clear he was not standing in any photos unless she was in them too. Rather than argue we agreed. The relationship lasted a few months after the wedding and shes in all our family photos from the wedding. Really bugs my wife that this girl is all the photos.

dazzymc

As much as I think this bride sounds like a bridezilla, it's her wedding and she's free to invite whoever she pleases. I'm not condoning her actions, she sounds like a weapon but she's free to do whatever on her day. I'd avoid it like the plague to be honest.

freshpopcorn

shane b wrote: »

this may be down to this girl or other temporary friendships turning up in the wedding photos. I got married a few years ago and my younger brother was going out with a girl for about a year. Time came for the family photos and my brother made it clear he was not standing in any photos unless she was in them too. Rather than argue we agreed. The relationship lasted a few months after the wedding and shes in all our family photos from the wedding. Really bugs my wife that this girl is all the photos.

I think ever wedding I've seen has this issue! Either with couples who were just together or long established couples splitting up.

the_pen_turner

Only 4 options
Tell her to screw her invite
Go with someone else
Pretend your with her 6 months
Propose to her or tell them you did

alchemist33

dazzymc wrote: »

As much as I think this bride sounds like a bridezilla, it's her wedding and she's free to invite whoever she pleases. I'm not condoning her actions, she sounds like a weapon but she's free to do whatever on her day. I'd avoid it like the plague to be honest.

She should put the guest criteria on the wedding invite. IMO when you invite someone plus one it's the choice of the guest who that plus one should be. The idea of the plus one is surely so the guest feels comfortable.

As for photos, the plus one will only be in a small fraction of them. Even if relatives spouses are there, there is still a chance they will separate down the line and there'll be an ex in the photos.

r93kaey5p2izun

The bride is a moron for giving a plus one invite if she's fussy who gets to come. She is perfectly entitled to decide who attends her wedding though. I would tell her how inappropriate and rude her behaviour has been, decline the invite but wish her well.

Avatar MIA

It's threads like this that make me appreciate my wife all the more.

Avatar MIA

Ah, Spanish Eyes, the penny dropped

You have to be quick around here.

Spanish Eyes

It is very simple really. Girlfriend goes or mate doesn't go.

Who would ever want to be a hostage to a bridezilla anymore. Those days are long gone, or so I thought!

Would be great fun for mate to go to wedding in France alone wouldn't it.....NOT.

"Hi mate and Bridezilla,

Thanks so much for the lovely invite to your wedding in France. Very much appreciated. Unfortunately we will not be able to attend, but we hope you have a really fabulous day and all our best wishes go your way."

Enclose a cheque and breathe out saying Whew. Lucky escape there.

Mate's mate (groom) won't give a fig, men are kind of normal about these things, it's the wimmins like myself who can go a bit postal sometimes.

Spanish Eyes

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Ah, Spanish Eyes, the penny dropped

You have to be quick around here.

I know, I laughed myself when I read it again. Don't say mates mates mate mate made me do it either. Specsavers for me lol

sporina

first of all, loving all the replies.. thanks a million - too many to quote though..
will just make a few general comments in an effort to reply..

First of all, he is mates with the Bride foremost.. met the groom to be through her..

NO my mates girlfriend has not been with anyone else attending the wedding - and I am sure photos would not be an issue as my mate and the bride are just mates so not like he would be in the formal ones.

As for it being her wedding and being free to do what she wants.. yeah, ok - but perhaps taking into acc. how many mates she wants to have after the wedding - huh.

So this 6 mth thing has been going around eh? So what is that all about?

I know of a wedding - cousins were there - they were together for the wedding - but they were separated a week later ( it was impending coming up to the wedding) - they had been married for ages.. and together years before that.. so I don't get the 6 mth thing,. tbh its ridiculous.

Ok.. he is going to go to the wedding - and remember its in France.. (all concerned live in Ireland)..
He is going because he does not want to loose the friendship... (if I were him I would DEFINITELY be declining (assertively, hopefully).. though I notice the word "ass" is inadvertently mentioned there.. perhaps I would be an ass due to my rage.. but in one way I think "hats off" to him for rising about it and attending... but I do not know how or why.. and its mad cos this mate of mine does not suffer fools.. I thought that perhaps out of stubbornness he would not go.. as I would not.. but nevertheless,.. perhaps he is a fool...

Yeah i wonder if she has another motive for this (the bride I mean)..

In any event, I do not know how one can do this... a wedding is meant to be an occasion for love and all things nice.. surely this leaves a sour taste in the brides mouth no? It would if it were me... I could not do this... if I didn't want a potential +1 to be there then I would omit the +1 ..
Or in other events I would take it on the chin..

Perhaps I am too soft... but gosh ... seems contrary to a wedding ethos.. I don't get it..

Thanks again... my rant feels justified.. solidarity in wedding invite rage.. :P:):D

Danzy

Tell them to go but have the girlfriend sleep with the groom and then when the Bride freaks out tell her that they have been at it for 6 months.

Big Bag of Chips

dazzymc wrote: »

As much as I think this bride sounds like a bridezilla, it's her wedding and she's free to invite whoever she pleases.

In that case she only invites specifically named people. Not give someone a + guest.

sydthebeat

Bride-fcuking-zilla.

Tell your mate to tell his mate that he's bringing the girlfriend. End of.

freshpopcorn

sporina wrote: »

So this 6 mth thing has been going around eh? So what is that all about?

This was very poplar in the news this year when Pippa Middleton was getting married.

Avatar MIA

sporina wrote: »

Yeah i wonder if she has another motive for this (the bride I mean)..

Two scenarios come immediately to mind.

1. She doesn't mind your mates girlfriend, but is using "the rule" to avoid some loon from going.

2. She fancies her mate and doesn't like seeing him with a girl.

Fair play to your mate? Fair play to his girlfriend of 5 months for not ditching him for lack of anything to swing between his legs more like.

Avatar MIA

freshpopcorn wrote: »

This was very poplar in the news this year when Pippa Middleton was getting married.

And her not wanting to be upstaged (well, she would know all about that) by a certain swarthy American.

mojesius

Absolutely ridiculous carry on by the bride.

Attending a wedding in France will cost your friend a lot of money and effort. I wouldn't be arsed if that stipulation was forced upon me.

sporina

freshpopcorn wrote: »

This was very poplar in the news this year when Pippa Middleton was getting married.

hows this? not up to speed..

freshpopcorn

sporina wrote: »

hows this? not up to speed..

When she was getting married there was some rule that the couples had to be together along time or engaged or something for them to attend.

sporina

i think she must have jumped on the 6 mth bandwagon thing without thinking about the implications.. tool...

yeah,, gonna cost him about a grand.. well i hope she appreciates his friendship!

gabsdot40

Pippa Middleton had a " no ring no bring" rule at her wedding.
Only married or engaged plus ones were welcome.

TheRiverman

Why would any normal bride be influenced by the very over privileged Pippa Middleton?

Avatar MIA

TheRiverman wrote: »

Why would any normal bride be influenced by the very over privileged Pippa Middleton?

I think that's what they call an oxymoron.

Gen.Zhukov

dazzymc wrote: »

As much as I think this bride sounds like a bridezilla, it's her wedding and she's free to invite whoever she pleases. I'm not condoning her actions, she sounds like a weapon but she's free to do whatever on her day. I'd avoid it like the plague to be honest.

And there was me thinking there's generally two people involved in a wedding.
One lives and learns.

Neyite

The point of a plus one is that a guest can invite who they like as their guest to a wedding.

Don't like that? Then name the specific folk you want there on the invite or don't offer a plus one in the first place. Bride needs a slap on the head with a copy of Debretts.

With regard to the Middleton wan, she already knew her wedding would come under more scrutiny given who her sister is married to, and it seems that while she didn't invite Harry's girlfriend to the ceremony, she was invited to the private party where the paparazzi could not create a big circus over her attending. The latter couple have been careful not to appear in public all that much so attending a wedding together would have attracted the worlds press. There's a good chance that the bride wasn't actually a thundercnut bridezila but was doing what the couple wanted themselves. But that's not nearly as salacious as her supposed 'rule'.

SpillingTheTea

So... she gives him a +1 but his gf isn't allowed to attend? So would she rather a randomer coming with him? If that's the case, that literally undermines the idea of the 6month+ rule that she's imposing haha.

Life is too short for bridezillas

ballsymchugh

i've missed these threads in this forum, things were a bit too normal for a long long time.

pwurple

Bride is obviously a complete moron who doesn't understand the concept of the "plus one" she put on her invites.

sporina

none as queer a folk.. I don't know how people can do such things..

_Dara_

SpillingTheTea wrote: »

So... she gives him a +1 but his gf isn't allowed to attend? So would she rather a randomer coming with him? If that's the case, that literally undermines the idea of the 6month+ rule that she's imposing haha.

My thoughts exactly!

Toots

I can understand her not wanting the GF in the photos seeing as how they're not together that long.... but why give the guy a +1 at all then? It's obvious the person he'd invite would be his GF! It would have been less weird if he'd just been given a solo invite.

My husband's brother got married when we were only going out about 18 months, and I didn't get in the formal photos (despite his sisters trying to convince me) because I felt we weren't together long enough for me to be sticking my mug in photos that would likely be on the wall in the house for the next 40 years. I was 19 at the time, so if we'd been older I might have felt different, but we'd never even lived together at that stage.

It's a bit odd though, giving a +1 and then telling him he can't bring the one person who you'd assume the +1 was for!

baby and crumble

We're not giving out random +1's for ours- we're only inviting named partners (ie they've been together a while- not set rule though tbh). But the thing is there's very very few people we're inviting that will know nobody else/ won't have a f*ck ton of mates already there. The idea of a +1 is to bring someone they know, right?

You can't give a generic +1 and then stipulate who can and can't come. It's like that thread a while back where the bride and the mam were freaking out about the sister bringing a female friend because she didn't want to bring a random dude she wasn't going out with.

Sam Kade

Tigger wrote: »

so your mate needs to save his mate from the crazy lady

No his mate got his mate to get him to put the story up on boards.

JayRoc

Toots wrote: »

why give the guy a +1 at all then? It's obvious the person he'd invite would be his GF! It would have been less weird if he'd just been given a solo invite

Agreed.

This just sounds a bit hard to understand. Is it possible there's a breakdown in communication somewhere and someone is simply getting the wrong end of the stick?

GingerLily

JayRoc wrote: »

Agreed.

This just sounds a bit hard to understand. Is it possible there's a breakdown in communication somewhere and someone is simply getting the wrong end of the stick?

The bride is either a physco or theres been a mixup! Possibly the guests wasn't meant to receive a plus one, but why would you not just accept the mistake? Seems odd to me.


It sounds like a mumsnet story, the kind that are made up or grossly exaggerated!

sporina

no thats the story as she gave it to me.. discussions were had between them - if something was miscommunicated I am sure it would have come up..

I asked him, who would she have been happy for you to invite - said he didn't know..

the_pen_turner

is he allowed to invite her as a friend if they broke up

wuffly

Weddings make people do/say crazy things. I think the bride isn't making any sense, a plus one is a plus one, she doesn't seem to have a valid reason for basically banning this girl from the wedding. These kind of things do serious damage to friendships. If i were your friends girlfriend I wouldn't be too keen on this girl from now. It would have been better to just invite him and leave it at that. No harm, no foul. How will she feel if they are getting married down the line? I would hate to leave out someone's partner accidentally, couldn't imagine doing it on purpose.  We decided against generic plus ones as we didn't have space for a lot of extra's so we sent the invites with partners that we knew of and put the word out that anyone with a partner we hadn't met/didn't know of to let us know and we'd add them in. Some friends did right away, a good friend of my OH's brought her sister as she wouldn't have known many people and 2 cousins asked to bring partners the week before. All fine. We wanted our cousins there but couldn't afford them all the bringing friends to make up plus ones. (If they all had partners we might have changed tack and invited less or gone with afters invites etc..)

sporina

wuffly wrote: »

Weddings make people do/say crazy things. I think the bride isn't making any sense, a plus one is a plus one, she doesn't seem to have a valid reason for basically banning this girl from the wedding. These kind of things do serious damage to friendships. If i were your friends girlfriend I wouldn't be too keen on this girl from now. It would have been better to just invite him and leave it at that. No harm, no foul. How will she feel if they are getting married down the line? I would hate to leave out someone's partner accidentally, couldn't imagine doing it on purpose.  We decided against generic plus ones as we didn't have space for a lot of extra's so we sent the invites with partners that we knew of and put the word out that anyone with a partner we hadn't met/didn't know of to let us know and we'd add them in. Some friends did right away, a good friend of my OH's brought her sister as she wouldn't have known many people and 2 cousins asked to bring partners the week before. All fine. We wanted our cousins there but couldn't afford them all the bringing friends to make up plus ones. (If they all had partners we might have changed tack and invited less or gone with afters invites etc..)

yeah it doesn't add up - there must be more to it.. maybe the bride having met the girlfriend a few times decided that she didn't like her or something.. i dunno... and won't be asking lol... can't believe my mate is going - not like him - he usually sands his ground

Neyite

Any chance his girlfriend is an ex of the groom or has some sort of history with either the bride or groom, like an ex-friend?

I'm grasping at straws here. :P

Sam Kade

Neyite wrote: »

Any chance his girlfriend is an ex of the groom or has some sort of history with either the bride or groom, like an ex-friend?

I'm grasping at straws here. :P

You got the last sentence right anyway