Access question

Rosemary 10

Hi guys , not sure which forum I should be posting in so forgive me. Anyways i have a meeting with a solicitor this week to try get a written agreement about access. Me and my ex agree on the week to week access that's fine. But I know there's going to me a war over birthdays and Christmas ect. Unfortunately for now there's not a hope in the two of us spending time together so I want to offer this ....dad gets her Christmas Eve morning - afternoon I have her from Christmas Eve afternoon - Christmas Day after dinner ...he gets her Christmas evening then all day Stephens day. And for the birthday I have her on her birthday day and he gets her the birthday evening and the hole day after . Is this fair ? I n ow they won't agree to sign it so if it goes to court what would a judge give or say.

musefan123

What about taking it in turns every second year? ie for example for this calander year do it as per the way you explained and for 2018 do it the opposite way and so on. Both of you should be happy with that and your child doesnt need to feel like shes stuck in the same routine every year.

just to let you know i have no idea what a judge would say. but i do know that the more you can agree between the 2 of yous the easier it will be when making it official and the less money yous will have to pay on legal fees

of course i might be missing something very obvious here but that really does seem like a fair arrangement for you, your ex AND most importantly your daughter

Rosemary 10

musefan123 wrote: »

What about taking it in turns every second year? ie for example for this calander year do it as per the way you explained and for 2018 do it the opposite way and so on. Both of you should be happy with that and your child doesnt need to feel like shes stuck in the same routine every year.

just to let you know i have no idea what a judge would say. but i do know that the more you can agree between the 2 of yous the easier it will be when making it official and the less money yous will have to pay on legal fees

of course i might be missing something very obvious here but that really does seem like a fair arrangement for you, your ex AND most importantly your daughter

Sorry I should've mentioned I work in retail il be in work Xmas eve and our biggest sale of the year is Stephens day I only ever have Christmas Day off over the holidays.its the same every year it's impossible to get them days off

fmpisces

Rosemary 10 wrote: »

Hi guys , not sure which forum I should be posting in so forgive me. Anyways i have a meeting with a solicitor this week to try get a written agreement about access. Me and my ex agree on the week to week access that's fine. But I know there's going to me a war over birthdays and Christmas ect. Unfortunately for now there's not a hope in the two of us spending time together so I want to offer this ....dad gets her Christmas Eve morning - afternoon I have her from Christmas Eve afternoon - Christmas Day after dinner ...he gets her Christmas evening then all day Stephens day. And for the birthday I have her on her birthday day and he gets her the birthday evening and the hole day after . Is this fair ? I n ow they won't agree to sign it so if it goes to court what would a judge give or say.

One of the toughest parts of arranging access times, especially when it's not 100% amicable is sorting out birthdays and holidays. What works for one family may not work for another, however, I find alternating access for these times to be the fairest all round.
Personally, I find Christmas day without the kids the hardest. However, it's not about me. It's about them, and their right to share the day with their dad, too. Mine are getting older now but it was very tough those first few years. Making sure that the child(ren) is/are happy is the main thing. Us adults will find a way to cope.

Wishing you all the best.

fmpisces

Rosemary 10 wrote: »

Sorry I should've mentioned I work in retail il be in work Xmas eve and our biggest sale of the year is Stephens day I only ever have Christmas Day off over the holidays.its the same every year it's impossible to get them days off

Would you maybe consider alternating the Christmas morning/evening access then? This allows both parents and your daughter to do the opening of presents, first thing in the morning, one year at your house and the next year at Daddy's house, or vice-versa.
Just a thought!:)

kavanada

fmpisces wrote: »

One of the toughest parts of arranging access times, especially when it's not 100% amicable is sorting out birthdays and holidays. What works for one family may not work for another, however, I find alternating access for these times to be the fairest all round.
Personally, I find Christmas day without the kids the hardest. However, it's not about me. It's about them, and their right to share the day with their dad, too. Mine are getting older now but it was very tough those first few years. Making sure that the child(ren) is/are happy is the main thing. Us adults will find a way to cope.

Wishing you all the best.

I was reading this and had to log in to respond.

What a mature and selfless position to take, fmpisces. No doubt it's rubbed off on your kids.



I can't help OP as I would've said alternating would be best. I understand working in retail doesn't lend itself to that though. Best of luck to you.

Rosemary 10

kavanada wrote: »

I was reading this and had to log in to respond.

What a mature and selfless position to take, fmpisces. No doubt it's rubbed off on your kids.



I can't help OP as I would've said alternating would be best. I understand working in retail doesn't lend itself to that though. Best of luck to you.

It's really good for her. I just can't offer that tho because that would mean there will be a lot of years where I don't see her Xmas eve Christmas Day and Stephens day 😭 Maybe he might agree to call over in the morning before Santy comes? If not then it's going to be so messy

tcif

I know you're trying to do your best, OP, and I know you've got considerations around your work schedule, but I would also suggest alternating (and I have some experience of this). Otherwise your child will spend her Christmas eve's, Christmas days and birthdays bouncing back and forward. Yes, she gets to see both parents but never gets to spend the whole day in one place without having to wait for the appointed time to pack up and go to the other parent. It's also going to make planning outings and parties etc difficult as you're always having to work within half days before she's due to go from one of you to the other.