Letting go of future with ex

PickleJar

Up to about a year ago I was in a long term long distance relationship. He’s from rural UK - we met here and he moved back there very soon after - and for three years we did things long distance with me flying in pretty often because my job allowed it. We talked in the early days about our long term plans and we agreed I would move there. I was happy to - he lives in a lovely place, has a great family and a ready made social circle. I made some big life and career changes here with a view to moving over, upskilled my qualifications, moved to Dublin to work for a multinational that has a site in his hometown and had been gradually downsizing my life here because my future was supposedly in the UK. After three years and with a few months to go to me moving there lock stock and barrel he broke up with me via FaceTime. He’d met someone at work, nothing had happened, but he wanted it to and it made him realise he wasn’t sure about us anymore. This was about a year ago and we haven’t seen or spoken to each other since the call.

I’d expected to be heartbroken about the breakup and I was…and still am a bit. What I’m struggling to let go of more though is the life I thought I would have with him - the future that's now gone. When we were together we were always working towards me emigrating, I spent huge amounts of time in the UK with him and every move I made here was to steer me in the direction of him and the future we were building together. But there’s none of that now.

I feel lost. I’m in a job I don’t particularly enjoy in a city I can’t really afford and I keep thinking of the life I thought I’d have…and the fact I don’t have it. Because I spent so long gearing up to move it’s like I’ve literally lost everything - him and our life together. I don’t know what I want to do anymore, maybe I lost myself in the relationship? I don’t even know where to start with rebuilding my life and planning a future for myself.

dellas1979

Awh *hugs*

Sounds like you made one hell of an effort to make this work. So, you can rest easy that youve no regrets. So, time to look forward.

Your life is your oyster. And you can do and be anything!

Bambi985

Does Dublin still make sense to you, given that your sole reason for being there was to gain sufficient experience to be able to move over to your ex?

It doesn't sound like you're enjoying it and given how you've upskilled and worked for a multi-national, there may be options for you somewhere closer to home. There's no under-estimating the support of nearby family and friends during tough times like this.

I feel for you though OP. It's probably the hardest part of breaking up - losing that anchor to all of your life plans. You'll get through it though - we all do. Try to look at things objectively and make some life decisions that make the most sense to you right now.

Airyfairy12

So move somewhere. You can still create a good future for yourself, youve already moved to Dublin for a multi international company so surely they have sites all over the UK/World... Why not move somewhere else for a year or two? Anywhere youd like to go that your company has employment opportunities in? Theres nothing stopping you.

Katgurl

Ah that is so hard. I remember exactly having that feeling after my first big breakup.

Life does throw us curve balls however, that is just an inevitability.

Try and accept that this has been a rough time but it will pass. Everything passes.

What else would you like to do? You can go anywhere / do anything.

PickleJar

Thanks for the responses - I feel like I need someone to shake some sense into me. Dublin doesn't make much sense anymore as I was living a hermit lifestyle not putting down roots or getting involved in anything because I thought I'd be leaving.

The trouble is nothing really makes sense anymore. I almost feel like I'm still in shock about the whole thing. I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me - just no idea what to do with it.

Bambi985

PickleJar wrote: »

The trouble is nothing really makes sense anymore. I almost feel like I'm still in shock about the whole thing. I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me - just no idea what to do with it.

Go easy on yourself pet. Break-ups are very destabilising, they're not dissimilar to bereavements in that you have to learn to live without the person your life revolved around for quite some time. Your head is going to be all over the place for the next while so don't do anything rash - just take one day at a time for the moment.

In a few weeks you might be better placed to address your situation. For now make sure to lean on the support of family and friends and cry as much as you need to. You're not alone in this.