Is there a particular type of woman whoes best friend is her daughter?

The Omen II

I've noticed this a lot in Dublin.

jimmycrackcorm

It's an Irish mammy after her son has left the home.

lazybones32

If that's the case, study mom well because daughter will become her.


I don't care who a woman considers to be her best friend. As long as it's not her cat

PandaPoo

The young cool moms usually.

The Omen II

There's nothing cool about an old hag.

Jesus Wept

'people often think we're sisters'.
uh huh.

rekluse

Thread title is hurting my brain.

Robsweezie

Nothing worse than getting it wrong, referring to sisters as mother and daughter when meeting for the first time. It's like an alteration of the "not pregnant, just extra weight" faux pas.

seamus

Men and Women who've had their kids early in life (late teens/early twenties) tend to be most at risk for this.

Around the time that their son or daughter is starting to become "cool" and find their niche in music and particular scenes, the parent is going through that period of life (early 30's on) where they realise that they're no longer with it, and the things they like are no longer cool, and the things that are "cool" are dumb and annoying.

So you get this wonderful mash-up of a parent going through a mid-life crisis and a teenager in their angst phase; but trying to work out who they are; one wanting to pretend they're more mature than they are, the other wanting to pretend they're less mature. And you get this weird parent/friend relationship.

Not such a big risk when the parent is older; they're 40 by the time the child even talks about being cool and the parent has long since accepted that they don't give a fnck about that.

Of course some parents in their 40s or even 50s try to be down with the kids. And that's just extra pathetic.

sbsquarepants

Jesus Wept wrote: »

'people often think we're sisters'.
uh huh.

They don't really think it - they just say it to get your knickers off. Odds are they'd rather your daughter but reckon (most likely correctly) that you're the easier of the two to pull.

There is no sadder sight than an aul one who thinks she's a young one!

Same thing applies to men. Some people just never grow up.

looksee

How is it any sort of issue who people choose to relate to, and why is it worthy of a thread? Should we start a thread about people who never make any other friends after they leave school / college? People who expect their work colleagues to be their 'besties'? What does it matter?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

The Omen II wrote: »

I've noticed this a lot in Dublin.

Hi again,...


No you haven't.

sbsquarepants

looksee wrote: »

How is it any sort of issue who people choose to relate to, and why is it worthy of a thread? Should we start a thread about people who never make any other friends after they leave school / college? People who expect their work colleagues to be their 'besties'? What does it matter?

Worthy? Matter?

You seem to be labouring under the misconception that this place is a tad more highbrow that it actually is!

There is little of worth to be had around these parts pilgrim:D

I really don't see what's pathetic about this, or why it applies to mothers and not fathers.

Obviously there have to be certain boundaries between parents and children, but being best friends with your Mum or Dad, as adults, is certainly not pathetic. I would have thought it reflects well on either parent, for the son or daughter to grow up respecting them to the point of being their best friend. Ditto for siblings.

I've never understood this 'acting your age' thing either, as though 40-year-olds are expected to take up golf or knitting and not to concern themselves with trends in technology, the internet, music or fashion. Should they just bury their heads in the sand?

If there's one thing I cannot stand it's the 'young fogey' trend where young (under 40) people adapt the fashion and the very contrived ludditism of past generations. Ryan Tubridy is their patron saint. You know the type, writing letters in longhand cursive instead of emails (proudly declaring oneself to be a technophobe), renouncing modern fashion in favour of bygone trends (anything worn by the Ratpack or minor aristocrats in the mid-20th century); archaic pedantry when it comes to 'etiquette'.

Those sorts of affectations grind my gears. I'd have far more time for someone whose mind is always open, who can engage with the emerging world, and who can equally engage with and befriend younger generations. I think it's a positive sign of a curious mind and of (cognitive and emotional) intelligence.

Estrellita

I can honestly say that my Mum and I were best friends. Not in a way that she was trying to be a young and 'with it' mother, we each knew our places.. no blurred lines. There was none of this 'lets go get our nails / hair done and paint the town red together' kind of rubbish. We were more likely to hit garden centres together than go clothes shopping.

Sure we would fall out a little from time to time, nothing major. I was a young mother (early twenties), and probably felt like she was a bit overbearing at times. We would never quarrel for long though, we were too close. She was actually a gold mine of information and support to me when I began having my children, and tried her best to advise me though anything that troubled me. You can't ask for more than that as a parent.

She was something to me that no other friend could possibly be. I found female friends over the years to be hard work, complex, even bitchy and back-stabby. Jealous of me too at times. My Mum was the only one I seemed to be able to talk to that had no agenda, and soon became the only true friend I had. Ill never stop missing her.

kupus

A woman who wants her daughter to be her best friend imo is a fcukin eijit.

It is your job to be a mother, not a friend.

Its ok later on in life when kid becomes adult, until then its a no from me.

Estrellita

kupus wrote: »

A woman who wants her daughter to be her best friend imo is a fcukin eijit.

It is your job to be a mother, not a friend.

Its ok later on in life when kid becomes adult, until then its a no from me.

A good mother need to be both of those things to not just daughters, but also her sons. A friend in a sensible, age appropriate way of course.

AidanadiA

My daughter (17) is one of my best friends, but so is my mother (62). My mother and daughter also would consider each other to be best friends. And we get on great together too. Now I don't call my sister my friend because we don't get along.
We just get along really well, there is a difference to our friendship its unconditional. Either of us could blow up and have a melt down and we wont hold it against the other. Its like being best friends with your cousins (also something I do), family is really important to me.

I don't think I'm down with the kids or cool, I just get on really well with my daughter. It is just the two of us living together so we spend a lot of time together, we are very open people so she is comfortable with talking about anything and I can talk to her about a great deal of things but I keep in mind that I am also a parent. Some things are just not appropriate to talk to a younger person about.

In general my friends ages range from about 0 to 99 (I don't know anyone older than 99) age isn't import to me when it comes to friendship it never has.

andekwarhola

If your relationship with your kids is vicarious, overbearing or plain gets in the way of objectivity and the primary functions of Being A Parent, that's obviously wrong but generally speaking, parents and kids can have similar interests and get on as people without the parents 'being down with the kidz'.

Especially these days. Generally speaking, there is far less profound a generation gap (as regards culture, technology etc) between myself and my kids and myself and my parents (born in the 40s).

AidanadiA

kupus wrote: »

A woman who wants her daughter to be her best friend imo is a fcukin eijit.

It is your job to be a mother, not a friend.

Its ok later on in life when kid becomes adult, until then its a no from me.

Are you a parent? I've been friends with my daughter since she was born, she's one of my favorite people. I am also a firm but fair parent, and she's turning into an amazing person.

Is there a particular type of poster who re-regs to make odd observations about women?

andekwarhola

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I've never understood this 'acting your age' thing either, as though 40-year-olds are expected to take up golf or knitting and not to concern themselves with trends in technology, the internet, music or fashion. Should they just bury their heads in the sand?

That perception is largely based on the experience of people of a certain generation, including myself.

For a rough (and obviously general) example, a lot of people in the 40-50 age group with parents in the 70-80 age group would have seen a quantum change in the generation gap compared to that of somebody that is, say, currently 40 with kids.

I'm friends with my mother, and I'd say my granny is one of my best friends. So is my grandfather for what it's worth. One of the best holidays I've ever had was a road trip with my dad. I never knew they were just denying their age and trying to hang onto their youth, though. I just thought they liked hanging out with me. Boy, is my face red.

All this time I thought we were enjoying a good relationship and it turns out they're just using me to feel relevant.

Never talking to any of them again.

andekwarhola

Deleted User wrote: »

Is there a particular type of poster who re-regs to make odd observations about women?

Must be such a chore.

Sam Kade

Jesus Wept wrote: »

'people often think we're sisters'.
uh huh.

If the reply was yeah your daughter looks as old as you, that would shut them up

andekwarhola

Candie wrote: »

I'm friends with my mother, and I'd say my granny is one of my best friends. So is my grandfather for what it's worth. One of the best holidays I've ever had was a road trip with my dad. I never knew they were just denying their age and trying to hang onto their youth, though. I just thought they liked hanging out with me. Boy, is my face red.

All this time I thought we were enjoying a good relationship and it turns out they're just using me to feel relevant.

Never talking to any of them again.

You should know never to take anything about parenting for granted until you seek advice at the feet of the AH elders.

andekwarhola

andekwarhola wrote: »

You should know never to take anything about parenting for granted until you seek advice at the foot of the AH elders.

All this time I thought they were great. That's what happens when you manipulate a child with love and friendship and guidance, I guess.

alberto67

Deleted User wrote: »

Is there a particular type of poster who re-regs to make odd observations about women?

I suspect Pig Head to be behind this...

andekwarhola

Candie wrote: »

All this time I thought they were great. That's what happens when you manipulate a child with love and friendship and guidance, I guess.

All the knowledge is wasted on a forum, really.

It needs to be collated into a bestseller called Omniscient Parenting: Seeing The Future.

seamus

seamus wrote: »

Men and Women who've had their kids early in life (late teens/early twenties) tend to be most at risk for this.

Around the time that their son or daughter is starting to become "cool" and find their niche in music and particular scenes, the parent is going through that period of life (early 30's on) where they realise that they're no longer with it, and the things they like are no longer cool, and the things that are "cool" are dumb and annoying.

So you get this wonderful mash-up of a parent going through a mid-life crisis and a teenager in their angst phase; but trying to work out who they are; one wanting to pretend they're more mature than they are, the other wanting to pretend they're less mature. And you get this weird parent/friend relationship.

Not such a big risk when the parent is older; they're 40 by the time the child even talks about being cool and the parent has long since accepted that they don't give a fnck about that.

Of course some parents in their 40s or even 50s try to be down with the kids. And that's just extra pathetic.

Or, alternatively, they just like each others company and enjoy time together.

Revolutionary, I know.

seamus

It's also worth noting that while a parent being a "friend" of their teenage child is weird and pathetic, a relationship that stays "parent-child" into the child's twenties is also weird and pathetic.

Parents will always be parents, but must move into an advisory and assistance role when the child becomes an adult, and not stay in an authoritarian parental role.

Lia_lia

I'm very close to my Mother. She had me when she was in her early 20's, so she's still quite young. We go on holidays together a lot. We are going to Italy for a 10 day holiday together in a few weeks. Just the two of us! We live about an hour away from each other but talk on the phone everyday.

She also brought my brother and I up as a single parent, so maybe that's another reason why I'm close to her. At the same time though we wouldn't act overly close around each other. I'd say the last time I've hugged her was when I was a child. We are just aren't a very huggy family though. I don't know what I'd do without her really! She's also very close to her Mother.

On the note of parents trying to be "cool" my Mother was a lot cooler than me when she was in her 40's compared to when I was in my teens. Going to music festivals etc. But that's just the way she's always been.

super_furry

There's a peculiar relationship between Donegal women and their fathers. They're all called 'Daaaaddy', no matter how old the daughter is and they all seem to be looked after by the daughters almost like a second wife.

ThisRegard

seamus wrote: »

Of course some parents in their 40s or even 50s try to be down with the kids. And that's just extra pathetic.

Up yours seamus, I'm down with all the cool kids.

Richard Hillman

It's the female equivalent of men who buy their kids scramblers and quads even though they live in a housing estate.

B0jangles

Candie wrote: »

I'm friends with my mother, and I'd say my granny is one of my best friends. So is my grandfather for what it's worth. One of the best holidays I've ever had was a road trip with my dad. I never knew they were just denying their age and trying to hang onto their youth, though. I just thought they liked hanging out with me. Boy, is my face red.

All this time I thought we were enjoying a good relationship and it turns out they're just using me to feel relevant.

Never talking to any of them again.

I spent 6 weeks travelling around NZ with my mother a few years ago and it was absolutely great - we like similar sorts of things and have very much the same sense of humour so it worked out really well.

Except for the last week, by then I was sick of the sight of her and I suspect she felt very much the same .

It is a bit sad that there are so many posters who think having a close, friendly relationship with one or both parents is weird

B0jangles

B0jangles wrote: »

I spent 6 weeks travelling around NZ with my mother a few years ago and it was absolutely great - we like similar sorts of things and have very much the same sense of humour so it worked out really well.

Except for the last week, by then I was sick of the sight of her and I suspect she felt very much the same .

I had a friend who reacted with disbelief when I told him I was going on holiday with my dad. It was pathetic, he was trying to be cool, I was a sad excuse of a young person, and he'd be bored to death hanging with old people etc., etc. Triple that derision when I took my Gran away.

He now has a toddler son, and told me he often thought of saying that to me because he knows now that if his son grows up and still wants to go on holiday with him, he'll definitely have done something right.

Widdershins

super_furry wrote: »

There's a peculiar relationship between Donegal women and their fathers. They're all called 'Daaaaddy', no matter how old the daughter is and they all seem to be looked after by the daughters almost like a second wife.

I don't know any Donegal women but a friend who's American has a weird relationship with her father. ''I'm going for some daddy lurve'' and ''daddy's little princess'' at almost 30 years of age.

I think mothers and daughters are normally good friends. Maybe pub crawling with your adult daughter is taking t too far though.

Grayson

"whoes"....

Yer all whoes.

Hector Bellend

I'd go with it if there was the chance of a mother daughter threesome.

Spider Web

kupus wrote: »

A woman who wants her daughter to be her best friend imo is a fcukin eijit.

It is your job to be a mother, not a friend.

Its ok later on in life when kid becomes adult, until then its a no from me.

Is the latter not what's being referred to though?

I don't think it's a good idea for people to have a parent as a friend in lieu of a peer friend, but a friendship between an adult and their parent is totally standard surely.

eviltwin

I'd consider my daughter a friend. We do the kind of things friends do, shopping, lunch, the odd pint, concerts etc. She's an adult so I'm hardly going to be taking her to the playground am I and I think it's important to stay connected to your children as they grow. I don't have a close relationship with my own mother so that's part of it too, I want better for my children. So OP, what type of person does that make me?

_Kaiser_

Hmm I dunno. I think it's great and the preferred situation if you have a good relationship with your child where they are comfortable coming to you with questions, problems and so on.. but there should always be a line at the same time when they're growing up.

An ex of mine fitted the description of wanting to be friends with her young daughter and it caused no end of trouble between them sometimes because basically the kid never knew where the line was. We were all living together at the time and I still remember a conversation with both of them where she (the child) actually said she preferred my style because at least she knew what was allowed and what wasn't.

Of course, once they get into later teenage years/adulthood, the parent should step back into more of an advisory role as said above.