Too broke to date

LegacyUser

Male, early 30s. Recently gone through a career change for various reasons.

Salary is okay but its barely covering living expenses etc at the moment. Obviously there would be scope for living more frugally but it would not make a major difference.

The salary scale gets a lot better with yearly increment but this takes years for it to get decent. Otherwise I will need to get promoted which would take 2 years in an optimistic scenario.

So basically I am pretty broke and I reckon this rules me out of the dating scene, unless I just fully utilize my credit card until my salary gets better.

It's pretty frustrating as I've had a connection with some girls but being in this financial situation just kills the mood for me.

I don't know - just need to hang in there, I guess I am just venting a bit.

baby and crumble

Why does it stop you dating though? Dating doesn't have to be expensive. Ok if you're suggesting dinner and drinks every time yeah, that'll get expensive fast.

But there's lots of dates that are fun and frankly way more interesting than just dinner and drinks. Cinema, movie night, open mic nights, talks, lectures, city walks, etc. I'd dare say a lot of people would prefer something interesting like that to the same old same old.

Then again I haven't been on the dating scene too much so I might be totally wrong.

368100

Hang in there....there's bound to be someone to meet who is in same boat and would be happy just to spend time with you. If anyone expects you to pay for meals etc all the time, they're best avoided anyway.

Don't use your credit card to spend on socialising, it's a vicious circle with interest and you'll end up with thousands owing on it and nothing to show for it.

Hildablue

I've dated a guy who was in a similar position- he was broke and I had a good income etc... it became an issue when he made it an issue- I totally didn't mind paying for stuff if I knew there was the potential that he might one day be able to pay for stuff- he was so creative coming up with great date ideas which is a total plus- go for it OP!! It will totally pay off

Airyfairy12

I often avoid dating men that have lots of disposable income because I dont have the money to keep up with their lifestyle. My last boyfriend had a really good job and honestly it just created tension because he always wanted to do things I couldn't afford to do, I feel very uncomfortable being paid for and i'd rather date someone who's broke and genuine over someone who's superficial or overly concerned about money. Im sure theres plenty of other women who feel the same way.
Are you used to dating women who expect you to have a high income? Maybe this would be a good time to rethink the 'type' of woman you go for. Id strongly suggest not getting yourself into a credit debt over this, dating will be the least of your problems.

witchgirl26

Agree with others that it doesn't preclude you from dating - it just means you might have to be a bit more creative with the dates. A cheap but nice day is renting bikes in Pheonix Park & having a picnic there. Stuff like that is often a lot more fun than dinner and drinks. If a girl is only interested in expensive dinners and dates then maybe she's not the right one. Also maybe just be honest with a girl bringing her for a date with the situation by saying that you recently changed career & still getting on your feet in this one so not as flush as you'd like to be.

BetsyEllen

The nicest dates (for me) are the ones that cost little.

Me and my ex used to drive to places like Howth, chat all the way there and listen to music, go for a walk when we got there, eat fish and chips after and drive back.

Little money was spent but when I look back on our time together, those are the days I remember the most. Or sitting on the sofa binge watching a series with a pizza between us and numerous cups of tea.

If you're asking someone out suggest meeting them for a coffee - most first dates are split anyway and a coffee is obviously cheap.

SusieBlue

When I met my OH we were both just finished college and broke, so for the first few months our dates consisted of walks in the park, spins to the woods where we would go for a stroll and then get coffee, and if we were feeling very flashy, a meal in an Asian street food type joint where both of our meals came to under €20 followed by bowling.
It was at least 5/6 months before we had the cash for going out for the night for drinks, dinners in nice restaurants and weekends away. Grand gestures aren't necessary when the chemistry is right. We're still together years later.
Totally agree with a previous suggestion of coffee dates. They are informal and inexpensive and even if you were to go on 1-2 of them a week, it won't break the bank.

baby and crumble

Like a lot of others have said, the dates I remember most from the beginning of my relationship (granted we were college students) were the ones where effort went in rather than money. One of my favourites was when we literally had €3.27 (I remember the amount very clearly) BETWEEN US for dinner. We actually had good fun going shopping to get the extras we needed to cook dinner in my ****ty bedsit with the small amount of shopping I already had in.

Bringing someone for a meal and drinks is lovely, but it's easy. Preparing a picnic, researching a cool place to set it up, how to get there, etc isn't as easy. There's SO many ideas for funky dates, just give it a go. And tbh if whoever you're dating isn't up for anything except fancy dinners out and weekends away, well... I'd be taking that as a sign tbh.

Redser87

Outdoor cinema is also a great date in th e summer. There was a summer season in Merrion Square and Temple Bar, not sure if it's still on. Keep an eye out for quirky events as well such as craft festivals and international food festivals. If you are based in Dublin, check out the summer programme of classic movies in the Lighthouse cinema. Also remember museums and galleries are mostly free. The best date I had with my now husband when we started going out was to the Chester Beatty Library and tea and cake in the Queen of Tarts afterwards.
As others have said, just be upfront about your new job - but don't be ashamed of more affordable dates, they can be a lot of fun. I can't imagine any reasonable woman not wanting to see a man again just because he had recently changed career, with the financial hit that this may entail. If you are a decent sort and a bit of fun to be around, this matters much more than an expensive dinner.

professore

You should use this opportunity to find the love of your life, as you can be sure she's not after you for your money.

professore

You should use this opportunity to find the love of your life, as you can be sure she's not after you for your money.

Dial Hard

I've been out of work since March and have absolutely no interest in dating while I'm in this position. I would just absolutely loathe having to proscribe certain types of dates just because I'm broke. And yes, you could take the line that anyone who'd have a problem with that isn't worth dating in the first place, but it doesn't matter - I have a problem with it.

So, really, OP, it's all down to your feelings on the matter, nobody else's.

GingerLily

How long have you been single OP?

Chancer3001

Find every single single guy out there and they'll all say they lack something

Bodybuilders who lack money

Rich guys who lack the body

Nice guys who lack a killer instinct to go for it

Good-looking guys who lack any idea of where to meet girls

Etc etc etc

Truth is they're all in your head

You don't need money. Go for a cup of tea, it'll cost 6 euro max. Go to a park. 0 . Go walk at the beach 0

Male a list of 100 things to do for free and take that excuse away from yourself

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

downwesht

Go for a walk on the beach.Gather some drift wood for a fire and toast a pack of marshmallows!Cheap and romantic!

Dial Hard

downwesht wrote:

Go for a walk on the beach.Gather some drift wood for a fire and toast a pack of marshmallows!Cheap and romantic!

Seriously, if someone suggested this as a first date to me, I'd run a mile.

Chancer3001

Why?

Walk on the beach has been a staple date for 100s of years

JellieBabie

Chancer3001 wrote: »

Why?

Walk on the beach has been a staple date for 100s of years

Could be dangerous with someone you don't know

LegacyUser

OP again. Thanks for the suggestions.

Yeah I guess once you've gone on a couple of dates you could start doing the cheaper things.

Ill try not miss out on the next opportunity so

ArtyC

I'm with my OH over 7 years ... we went through times of having cash but mostly strapped throughout , we've had to be creative together to find fun things to do .... looking like next year we'll be flush for the first time. We are looking fwd to it but I wouldn't change a thing about the previous years !

I know we're together for all the right reasons and not just flashy dates !

Go for it op

368100

Dial Hard wrote: »

Seriously, if someone suggested this as a first date to me, I'd run a mile.

Ah here....that's some hollywood idealism going on right there.......I can imagine the reaction of suggesting that here