Didn't get her anything for graduation

LegacyUser

Earlier this year my girlfriend finished her final exam and passed them all, to celebrate we went for a nice break and had a really nice evening.

At the time she hinted at something she wanted to commemorate her achievement and I said I would get it for her graduation ceremony.

Several months later and no notification or any news on when the ceremony would happen and recently she received her certificate, there is no ceremony.

She has since bought the item she's wanted herself and has become very bitter towards me for not having gor her anything. To make it even worse, she's just told me I'll not be getting anything from her either for a matters I'm going to be doing.

I realise I messed up, but had I known there wouldn't be a graduation ceremony I would have got her something nice back when she got her final result.

I don't know what to do to make this right, I know she's disappointed but I feel her eye for an eye behavior is going to hurt our relationship more than anything else.

Ursus Horribilis

I'd be taking this as a warning sign of the sort of person she is. Is she normally this self-obsessed and needy? The way she's going on about her graduation, you would think the girl had found a cure for cancer or something. I'm trying not to roll my eyes and saying "Whoopeee doo" here. You went to celebrate which was nice but that's where this should have ended. Expecting to be given a present is the sort of thing you'd hear a spoilt five year old going on about. Not a grown woman.

silverharp

japers, she sounds very superficial and with only a glancing grasp of reality. its not a traditional gift giving event and frankly its presumptuous to request a gift when its more of a dinner/night out affair and then its your fault because you didnt get the rules of the script you were supposed to follow.
if its a one off dont take the bait, you did nothing wrong explain and move on. Be on the look out if this is a pattern of behaviour where you end up being the one at fault for every little thing, i'd be looking for the exit in that case

Owryan

How were you supposed to know there would be no ceremony?

If she has said she won't be getting you something for your masters I would be thinking "what a child".

Time to see where the exit is.

dmm82

She sounds incredibly spoilt, immature and materialistic. I find it hard to tell my boyfriend what I'd like for my birthday or Christmas! You should not be feeling bad. I'd be gone if I was you

StripedBoxers

She sounds like a selfish, self entitled person OP and if I were you, I would have a long and hard think about whether this is a one off or regular thing with her and if it is regular I would be ending this relationship.

Personally, if it's the first time it has happened, I would see it as a sign of things to come and would be ending this relationship.

What sort of grown up woman makes such demands?! It is disgraceful. She should be thoroughly ashamed of herself. It is no way for a grown woman to behave.

lawred2

She sounds like a gobshoite

kob29

Do you genuinely believe that you're at fault here?

What to do to make this right? You need to know that you have not done anything wrong here and to make it right you certainly need to have a conversation about the situation AND don't agree to spend any money as a fix for it. She has signposted in big neon lights that she is severely materialistic and petty. You need to question her on her spiteful response and get a sense of how deep that tendency runs.

Open your eyes here and don't waste too much time on her.

December2012

I dunno, it is nice to have hard effort and an achievement acknowledged. It looks there was unclear communication along the way. Although I don't know why you decided what time to give her the gift, she clearly would have liked it as soon as possible; most graduations are months and months after all the work has been done, so IF you were going to get her something, you should have done it at a time that she preferred.

Why not talk with her now?

Tell her you were going to get her something at the time of the ceremony, you know she now has it so you would like to get her something else.

iF you want to

wirelessdude01

What a self entitled little madam. Not a good sign of the type of superficial person she really is.

stop animal cruelty

It seems nowadays people expect a present for almost everything. Actually, they think their entitled to one. Wtf. These kinda people must be very hard to keep happy, op your gf sounds just like this. Do yourself a BIG favour and run. What a head melter.

Addle

What sort of course was it
anyways that doesn't have a graduation ceremony?

No ceremony= no photo opportunity=no occasion for meal out.

Ursus Horribilis

Addle wrote: »

What sort of course was it anyways that doesn't have a graduation ceremony?

No ceremony= no photo opportunity=no occasion for meal out.

The very same thought crossed my mind... Perhaps someone has been less than honest here.

h2005

Why would you want to be with someone that superficial?

judeboy101

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

The very same thought crossed my mind... Perhaps someone has been less than honest here.

Every two bit course has some auld ceremony, something here smells off.

mapaca

I did a university postgrad a good few years ago where there was no graduation ceremony - just saying it does happen.

EagererBeaver

Did you organise and pay for the celebratory evening and meal? If so, that's her present.

woodchuck

Gradgift wrote: »

I realise I messed up

You haven't. At all.

Gradgift wrote: »

She has since bought the item she's wanted herself and has become very bitter towards me for not having gor her anything. To make it even worse, she's just told me I'll not be getting anything from her either for a matters I'm going to be doing.

The part above would worry me. She sounds like a very immature and spiteful individual. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

fineso.mom

Was it preschool she graduated from? OP this is not how grown ups behave.

Gradgift

Gradgift wrote: »

To make it even worse, she's just told me I'll not be getting anything from her either for a [masters] I'm going to be doing ... I feel her eye for an eye behavior is going to hurt our relationship more than anything else

This caught my eye ... you didn't buy her anything, she's not going to buy you anything ... problem solved.

Are you actually expecting her to get YOU something?

If you don't want her to be making a big deal of they fact you didn't get her anything, why are YOU making a big deal out of the face she won't be getting you anything?

You both sound a bit odd to me to be honest.

woodchuck

Deleted User wrote: »

This caught my eye ... you didn't buy her anything, she's not going to buy you anything ... problem solved.

Are you actually expecting her to get YOU something?

If you don't want her to be making a big deal of they fact you didn't get her anything, why are YOU making a big deal out of the face she won't be getting you anything?

You both sound a bit odd to me to be honest.

Eh, it's hardly problem solved The real issue is her attitude, not who is buying who presents. There's a world of difference between not buying someone a present (for reasons such as the OP stated - intended, but mix-up about dates) and stating you're not going to buy someone a present because they didn't get you one. The OP was well intentioned, but the latter is pure spite!

Also I don't see anywhere that the OP is expecting a present, but the OPs partner clearly was.

GingerLily

woodchuck wrote: »

Eh, it's hardly problem solved The real issue is her attitude, not who is buying who presents. There's a world of difference between not buying someone a present (for reasons such as the OP stated - intended, but mix-up about dates) and stating you're not going to buy someone a present because they didn't get you one. The OP was well intentioned, but the latter is pure spite!

Also I don't see anywhere that the OP is expecting a present, but the OPs partner clearly was.

They've established that for graduations and achievements breaks away and dinner out is the new status quo and they won't going forward exchange presents!

Well that's how I would have dealt with it!!!

woodchuck

GingerLily wrote: »

They've established that for graduations and achievements breaks away and dinner out is the new status quo and they won't going forward exchange presents!

Well that's how I would have dealt with it!!!

Did I miss a post? I don't see anywhere that the OP established this with his girlfriend. My understanding is that:
- OPs girlfriend dropped hints for grad present she wanted.
- OP intended to buy the present for the grad ceremony.
- Grad ceremony never happened so he missed the opportunity to buy a present.
- Now the girlfriend is bitter (OPs words) and saying she's not going to buy him a grad present.

That's not coming to any sort of understanding about gift giving. That's the girlfriend trying to punish the OP for his so called "mistake". I highly doubt the OP was even expecting a present, but for someone to just outright say they're not going to buy one (presumably as payback!!) is just mean.

GingerLily

woodchuck wrote: »

Did I miss a post? I don't see anywhere that the OP established this with his girlfriend. My understanding is that:
- OPs girlfriend dropped hints for grad present she wanted.
- OP intended to buy the present for the grad ceremony.
- Grad ceremony never happened so he missed the opportunity to buy a present.
- Now the girlfriend is bitter (OPs words) and saying she's not going to buy him a grad present.

That's not coming to any sort of understanding about gift giving. That's the girlfriend trying to punish the OP for his so called "mistake". I highly doubt the OP was even expecting a present, but for someone to just outright say they're not going to buy one (presumably as payback!!) is just mean.

I'm only going by what the OP has said and not what assuming anything, but his partner has said that he's not getting a graduation present now, so that seems problem solved to me if he doesn't want a present?

Ursus Horribilis

Is he not bothered because she has turned bitter over it? And seems to think that not giving him a present will even things up? If he chooses to continue the relationship with Miss Drama, they'd better sort out the communication side of things. Hints and passive aggressiveness are no way for adults to conduct themselves.

woodchuck

GingerLily wrote: »

I'm only going by what the OP has said and not what assuming anything, but his partner has said that he's not getting a graduation present now, so that seems problem solved to me if he doesn't want a present?

I'm also going by what the OP said:

She has since bought the item she's wanted herself and has become very bitter towards me for not having gor her anything. To make it even worse, she's just told me I'll not be getting anything from her either for a matters I'm going to be doing.

I don't know what to do to make this right, I know she's disappointed but I feel her eye for an eye behavior is going to hurt our relationship more than anything else.

He didn't say he didn't want a present. She just outright told him he wasn't getting one. Even if the OP didn't want/expect a present (which most people wouldn't), it's a horrible attitude for her to say this to him as a revenge tactic.

The OP has said himself that this an eye for an eye behaviour, so it sounds like this was not a two way adult discussion about when to buy or not to buy presents, but the girlfriend throwing her toys out the pram.

That attitude is the real issue here!!

Hitman3000

Gradgift wrote:

I realise I messed up, but had I known there wouldn't be a graduation ceremony I would have got her something nice back when she got her final result.

She graduate from Kindergarten or Uni? If the latter tell her to cop the f##k on. If the former..... well words fail me.

Xterminator

HI Op

question for you.

Why didnt you sit down and plan a thoughtful present/reward for your other halfs graduation? Why was it left until last minute?
Perhap shes not upset about not getting a present, it could be because you made no effort. Was it not a big deal to you?

kylith

Gradgift wrote: »

To make it even worse, she's just told me I'll not be getting anything from her either for a matters I'm going to be doing.

Well, this was your opportunity to say 'I don't want a present for passing an exam. What kind of child do you think I am?' because if you expected one I have to conclude that there are a pair of you in it.

Welcome to the grown-up world: presents are less and less frequent, no-one cares about your birthday, and your reward for getting a qualification is having a qualification.

LegacyUser

I think it's pretty clear, given that the OP has a problem in the first place, that he wasn't expecting a present and that he mentions that because it shows her strange tit-for-tat attitude. No need for people to jump down his throat reading into things that aren't there. :rolleyes:

Ursus Horribilis

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Is he not bothered because she has turned bitter over it? And seems to think that not giving him a present will even things up? If he chooses to continue the relationship with Miss Drama, they'd better sort out the communication side of things. Hints and passive aggressiveness are no way for adults to conduct themselves.

I don't think there's anything passive about her aggression! :pac:

He said he would get her something, he didn't (for whatever reason!), so (apparently with no conversation whatsoever) she went and bought it herself ... normally = end of story.

He's posting here because she "just" told him he wouldn't be getting anything for his masters which, apparently, is "even worse" than her reaction.

The whole thing is absurd to me to be honest.

woodchuck

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think there's anything passive about her aggression! :pac:

He said he would get her something, he didn't (for whatever reason!), so (apparently with no conversation whatsoever) she went and bought it herself ... normally = end of story.

He's posting here because she "just" told him he wouldn't be getting anything for his masters which, apparently, is "even worse" than her reaction.

The whole thing is absurd to me to be honest.

It's even worse, because she's doing it out of pure spite!

ManOfMystery

Sounds to me like she had her heart set on this item (that she eventually bought herself), saw you + graduation + gift as a cheap way for her to get it, and is now narked that she had to buy it.

Either way, it's materialistic and petty and a big red flag IMO.