The Ring

chases0102

Hi folks,


I have proposed to my OH. No one else knows - I did it roughly a month ago in a special, low key place for both of us. It was sort of spontaneous - it was one of the very few beautiful days we got this summer.

We had a beautiful baby boy 4 months ago, so this has been clearly at the forefront of our thoughts recently. We haven't told anyone about the proposal, as we had just about stopped getting congratulations cards in the door about our baby!

After the proposal, things slowed down....the baby got a bit sick (nothing too serious - but enough to pretty much stop any wedding chat), but he's fine now, thankfully.

So the engagement is now back to the fore. And I am little bit clueless financially.

We really want to buy a house. That is the thing we want most. So much so, that at the end of this month we are moving out of our rental in Dublin to move back in with her parents. We are both 30, and have just under 20K saved.

So financially things are a bit stretched - I recently paid for a MA course that we both agreed was something that would be an investment for the family - and as a result buying a ring would seem to put our savings for a mortgage back 2/3 months...which isn't ideal, it's less time we want to spend in parents house with our child...

I am a teacher, with a modest-ish income. I guess my question is, after all that....how much does one spend on a ring?

(apologies...this was more of a rant than anything else I think!!!)

eviltwin

How much do you want to spend? There's no right or wrong. Personally I think it's crazy to spend a few months savings on a discretionary item that you don't really need but I'm saying that as someone who is married and never bothered with an engagement ring at all. You can buy a cheaper token ring as a stopgap until you sort yourselves out. I know the ring is a big deal for some women but I think securing your family's future should be your priority at the moment.

Burial.

Yeah screw the ring a while tbh, your future comes first, ironically, and a fraction of a house before a piece of metal is a no brainer for me. Also the face there's a little kid too would make me think there should a buffer of extra funds, regardless of his health. The fact ye haven't told anyone makes it easier as people will want to see the ring and all that.

You only have to buy a ring if you both want one, and you only have to spend as much as you can afford.

Consider a moissanite ring instead of a diamond, it's almost as hard and is sparklier, looks beautiful, is completely ethical - the Kimberley certification for diamonds is regarded as far less than foolproof, and a fraction of the price.

Comparison with diamond here: https://www.moissaniteco.com/moissanite_vs_diamond.html

I have a moissanite ring and people fawn over it whenever I wear it.

fits

Yep definitely get moissanite, or buy second hand (I know not everyone likes that idea but way better value to be had). Youd be mad to be spending big bucks on a ring.

Permabear

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chases0102

Thanks for all the solid advice folks. Very logical and practical advice, and it's true what you are saying - just do what makes us both most comfortable, and that there are more important things to consider.

irishman86

I agree with everyone regarding the ring. Its madness some of the money that gets spent, its all a competition
I spent 210 on a Claddagh ring for my wife, i wanted to spend more but she correctly told me that its a stupid notion

Permabear

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quietsailor

Candie wrote: »

You only have to buy a ring if you both want one, and you only have to spend as much as you can afford.

Consider a moissanite ring instead of a diamond, it's almost as hard and is sparklier, looks beautiful, is completely ethical - the Kimberley certification for diamonds is regarded as far less than foolproof, and a fraction of the price.

Comparison with diamond here: https://www.moissaniteco.com/moissanite_vs_diamond.html

I have a moissanite ring and people fawn over it whenever I wear it.

I'd second and add to this -- when I went to (surprise) propose to my wife I got a local jeweller to draw up an engagement ring.

As we were always joking about her love of Kerry I had the ring made with two stones in the Kerry colours. I also took photos of the 3 rings she wore the most and the jeweller drew up a design from those 2 criteria. As easy as that - 3 photos and 2 colours and about three meetings!
1st meeting to give the photos and colours - the jeweller quickly sketched 4-5 different designs and I picked the best two I liked (and thought my wife would like!
2nd meeting - the jeweller brought 2 detailed sketches for each of the 2 designs and I picked one final design*.
3rd meeting - I picked up the ring

Here is the Craft Council of Ireland's website - I'd advise looking in counties outside where you live for more jewellers as well

My wife loved it and tbh (and YES I am biased :P ) it looks better than a lot of her friends bigger rings. The fact it was designed rather than purchased also adds something extra for my wife and reduces some of the snob factor about cost -- everyone assumes it's extrememly expensive becasue it is a one off design

We did afterwards swop the Kerry colour stones for diamonds which will push up the price again.

* = I sized my wifes rings using a jewellers finger guide for the jeweller, as it was to be a surprise I couldn't ask my wife. You don't need to do that, lucky person.

beans

chases0102 wrote: »

I guess my question is, after all that....how much does one spend on a ring?

Do you know if she wants diamond? If I had surprised my then-fiancée with a diamond she'd have been heartbroken, as she wanted a sapphire. Thank god I didn't assume anything.

Sleepy

Honestly, I'm sure I've spent more on some nights out than I spent on my wife's engagement ring. It's a 1920's art-deco pearl and diamond ring we got at auction and was exactly what she wanted.

Don't fall for the marketing, there's no need to spend a month, or more's, salary on a sparkly piece of carbon.

Hercule Poirot

chases0102 wrote: »

Hi folks,


I have proposed to my OH. No one else knows - I did it roughly a month ago in a special, low key place for both of us. It was sort of spontaneous - it was one of the very few beautiful days we got this summer.

We had a beautiful baby boy 4 months ago, so this has been clearly at the forefront of our thoughts recently. We haven't told anyone about the proposal, as we had just about stopped getting congratulations cards in the door about our baby!

After the proposal, things slowed down....the baby got a bit sick (nothing too serious - but enough to pretty much stop any wedding chat), but he's fine now, thankfully.

So the engagement is now back to the fore. And I am little bit clueless financially.

We really want to buy a house. That is the thing we want most. So much so, that at the end of this month we are moving out of our rental in Dublin to move back in with her parents. We are both 30, and have just under 20K saved.

So financially things are a bit stretched - I recently paid for a MA course that we both agreed was something that would be an investment for the family - and as a result buying a ring would seem to put our savings for a mortgage back 2/3 months...which isn't ideal, it's less time we want to spend in parents house with our child...

I am a teacher, with a modest-ish income. I guess my question is, after all that....how much does one spend on a ring?

(apologies...this was more of a rant than anything else I think!!!)

Depending on the lady there's no need to panic

I proposed to my OH about four years ago and we still haven't got a ring - I didn't get one at the time because I didn't want to get something she didn't want, but I knew the time was right (not that I was being arrogant but when you know, you know) - anyways to get the point, we had just moved to anew town for my job and she said there was no hurry in getting a ring, that we should wait till it was affordable and four years later here we are - I do mention it every now and then and have tried nudging her towards a jewellers but no dice, she seems happy and therefore so am I

We had an adult chat (very rare!) two years and decided to forgo the wedding and focus on buying a house as we couldn't afford to do both - genuinely, the days of spending three months salary on a ring are over imo, ladies (the ones that are worth your time) know that financial security is more important than having something flashy to show off - my advice would be to agree an affordable budget for a ring (but in your own mind allow for a little extra) and then let her go wild in the jewellers - best of luck

speedboatchase

I think that considering you proposed without a ring, there's no need to leave your fiancee out of the ring process at this stage. In your case you'd be much better off in surprising your fiancee by telling her one morning that you are both going to see and buy her engagement ring that day. She'll be wearing it and showing it to her friends for the rest of her life, so I think it's right that she picks it out, considering the proposal has already happened.


That being said, try to make sure that if you follow my advice, you only go into certain jewellery shops! Know your budget beforehand and try to steer things that way.

Dr Crayfish

Hey congrats on the engagement. Given your situation and all you have going on, and you seem to be doing the right things, I'll throw a figure out there and say don't spend more than 500 euros or so on a ring. Surely that'd get you something nice? Unless you're bloody loaded I can't see why any normal person would be spending more than that anyway. Best of luck.