What do I do?

Elliemaria

I am currently in a relationship over a year and there have been a few bumps in the road during that time. My boyfriend appears to have a wondering eye with girls. I don't mind him looking at other girls, it's natural, but he always seems to have to be talking with other girls in some way or another. I recently asked him to stop liking body pictures of a girl he had been with before etc. In the past he was messaging girls he only met in a pub asking each of them if they got home ok. I found out and he said he meant no harm in it that he was just being caring but said he wouldn't do it anymore. That all then stopped for a few months but he recently joined instagram. One day when I went to use his phone to make a call his recently opened messages came up on instagram that he didn't go out of. He had written to one of the girls that he had wrote to a few months ago asking for her snapchat name and she gave it to him. Being so paranoid a few days later I had a look at his snapchat (I know it's wrong to snoop but I felt I had to or my head would explode). I saw that in the space of 2 days (in which I was with him all the time) she had made her way up to the top of his snapchat friends list, ahead of me and we snap chat a lot. I really want to ask him what is going on but then I have to tell him I had a look at his snapchat. Any advice on how to approach this with him? Am I wrong for being paranoid? He tells me all the time how much he loves me and wants to get married but when I see things like this it makes me worry.

Elliemaria

coolcat63

I very much doubt his behaviour will change, no matter how often you ask him to stop. Are you prepared to put up with that?

lifeandtimes

So you've done loads of snooping and found things out that have made you paranoid abiut your bf.

Sounds like he hasn't actually dine anything wrong other than checking up on girls(which he stopped) and ask one for their Snapchat and you now are worried because she is top of his list?

I use Snapchat and send to all my list and people are top of mine that I don't really converse with.

Anyway it seems like you are insecure especially regarding your issues with you bfs wandering eyes and if this behaviour is something you don't want in a relationship then you have every right to leave but from your post I can't see that your bf has done anything wrong and you have as you have been the one snooping.

Maybe work on yourself first and take it from there

retro:electro

Oh come on. I get that it's almost the trendy thing here to lambast the op for snooping and call her paranoid and to mind her business- but her boyfriend is CLEARLY being an ass. Adding random girls and snapping them so much in two days that she has overtaken his girlfriend as his most engaged with. Sorry but that is totally unacceptable. He sounds like a creep. How dare he.

You've been together a year now, he should know well by now that his behaviour is inappropriate and just plain wrong. You need to tell him what you've seen.

heretochat

Your gut is telling you something here OP.

You really don't trust this guy do you.

You will get lambasted for snooping on his phone and this can possibly be justified.

But you felt a need to check up on him and this should tell you something.

We don't know how things are outside this issue. Have you other reasons not to trust your BF?

Elliemaria

heretochat wrote: »

Your gut is telling you something here OP.

You really don't trust this guy do you.

You will get lambasted for snooping on his phone and this can possibly be justified.

But you felt a need to check up on him and this should tell you something.

We don't know how things are outside this issue. Have you other reasons not to trust your BF?

Other than this things do be good between us. I also should have mentioned that we had a huge falling out a few months into the relationship because we were on a night out. He kept staring at a girl at the bar and she was staring back. I went to the bathroom while my BF was gone too and when the door opened of the girls bathroom I could see in my mirror at the sinks that he was outside the bathroom talking to her. I immediately knew something was up and grabbed my bag to walk out. When I opened the door he was standing behind her and slapped her ass as she walked away. I pulled him up on it immediately and since then that's why I can't stop wondering about all these other things happening with other girls.

Elliemaria

retro:electro

Ugh. What a creep. You deserve better. Chatting another girl up while you're gone to the bathroom. Stay classy.
Dump his annoying ass.

Gunslinger92

You should have dumped him after that, OP. What kind of a weirdo slaps a random woman's arse in a club having spoken to her for all of 2 minutes? Ditch him

timmy880

So you've done loads of snooping and found things out that have made you paranoid abiut your bf.

Sounds like he hasn't actually dine anything wrong other than checking up on girls(which he stopped) and ask one for their Snapchat and you now are worried because she is top of his list?

I use Snapchat and send to all my list and people are top of mine that I don't really converse with.

Anyway it seems like you are insecure especially regarding your issues with you bfs wandering eyes and if this behaviour is something you don't want in a relationship then you have every right to leave but from your post I can't see that your bf has done anything wrong and you have as you have been the one snooping.

Maybe work on yourself first and take it from there

I'm surprised by how many people respond like this in these situations. "Oh you snooped? YOU are the problem. Fix yo self!"

Sorry but this guy is being an ass. Facebook messaging girls and then adding them on snapchat and all that lark... Only goes one way (and yes I'm a guy)... Either tell him to stop all that completely or get rid of him.

heretochat

Elliemaria wrote: »

Other than this things do be good between us. I also should have mentioned that we had a huge falling out a few months into the relationship because we were on a night out. He kept staring at a girl at the bar and she was staring back. I went to the bathroom while my BF was gone too and when the door opened of the girls bathroom I could see in my mirror at the sinks that he was outside the bathroom talking to her. I immediately knew something was up and grabbed my bag to walk out. When I opened the door he was standing behind her and slapped her ass as she walked away. I pulled him up on it immediately and since then that's why I can't stop wondering about all these other things happening with other girls.

Elliemaria

Sorry Elliemaria but this guy's behaviour is nothing short of creepy really. Little things can be looked at in isolation but his behaviour as you have set it out would not be acceptable in most people's eyes.

In my opinion, if he hasn't done so already, it is only a matter of time before he goes further than what you have seen so far

SB_Part2

lifeandtimes wrote: »

t I can't see that your bf has done anything wrong and you have as you have been the one snooping.

Maybe work on yourself first and take it from there

Wow, just wow. What he's doing is really, really, creepy.

She's also asked her boyfriend to stop contacting people he barely knows but yet he's still doing it and she's the one with the problem?

OP: It doesn't seem like he's going to change. This is probably just his personality. Personally, if it was me I wouldn't be able to hack it but it's up to you to decide what you will and won't put up with.

Airyfairy12

I have been in your shoes, it doesnt end well. Just save yourself the drama and leave him. Youre worth more than this.

Colser

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I have been in your shoes, it doesnt end well. Just save yourself the drama and leave him. Youre worth more than this.

Same here OP..it ends up wrecking your head.
Even if he stood in front of you tonight and swore that he would change can you ever see yourself trusting him 100%?

It's tiring and stressful to be constantly wondering what he's up to,trying to justify things that are totally unjustifiable,thinking and being told that you're paranoid,mad ect.

Think about what you've seen and read with your own eyes and you can guess there's probably loads more gone on behind your back.

It's so hurtful and only affects you because people like him revel in the attention and don't give a second thought to the person that they're hurting.
He will never change imo.

mapaca

Colser wrote:

Think about what you've seen and read with your own eyes and you can guess there's probably loads more gone on behind your back.

Agreed. If he's prepared to chat up some other woman in front of you, who knows what he's got up to when you're not around! I would have walked away then and left him to it. He's a disrespectful ass.

Ursus Horribilis

It would not surprise me either if he has screwed around behind your back. But if you're willing to tolerate this sort of behaviour, I don't know what more any of us can do for you.

professore

He's 100% cheating on you. He doesn't even try to hide it. He's showing you who he is. Believe him.

Jurgen Klopp

You were right to look at his phone ffs you could waste a couple years more if you didn't

Jaysus what a creep tho arse slapping should have been the dumping moment