Quarter Life Crisis

LegacyUser

I'm 26 years old and feel terrified about the future. After living with my boyfriend for 7 years we both ended up having to move back home to our parents homes due to our landlord wanting to sell the house. What was meant to be a few weeks is now months as there is no places to rent in the area.
I work part time so have to stay in the area for work and because I earn crappy money there's no way I could get a mortgage.

I want to learn to drive so that I can move further and be able to commute but I'm terrified to get behind the wheel after a crash years ago. There is also a lot of pressure for me to drive because the bf has a suspended license and needs to be drove to his weekend job. Ive cried so much at the thought of this I know it's irrational but it really gets me.

I feel a mountain of pressure on me the last few months and can't think straight. Anyone I've spoke to say its a quarter life crisis and will pass but right now I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

kylith

What I would suggest is that you sit down and write a list of what you want to do and the steps you need to take in order to do it. Have you had counselling after the crash? That may help with your fear of getting behind the wheel. Talk to your employer about more hours or a full time position, and/or start looking for work elsewhere.

In the meantime, tell your boyfriend to buy a bicycle.

woodchuck

It's really unfair of your boyfriend to put that kind of pressure on you to drive. It can take a long time (years!) from starting to learn how to drive to getting your licence. It's also very expensive to get lessons, buy a car, maintain a car etc. It's a huge undertaking, so personally I think you should wait until you're in a better state mentally (consider counselling in relation to the crash) and financially.

In the meantime, your boyfriend can sort out his own transport. Cycling as suggested above, or public transport.

Moving home sucks and I know it's longer than you anticipated, but you'll just have to put up with it for now. You said you're working part time. Are you looking for full time work? That's what I would focus on for now personally. Rent, mortgage, learning to drive etc all costs money unfortunately So I'd focus on your career first and foremost, as that should have a positive knock on effect for other areas of your life.

TallGlass

kylith wrote: »

In the meantime, tell your boyfriend to buy a bicycle.

I agree, or take the bus. I assume by suspended you mean banned from driving. In that case he has absolutely no-body else to blame for his circumstances re driving.

Regards, driving yourself, you can get the licence sorted without having to step foot in a car. Once you get this I would maybe advise on a good instructor who can help with your problems/fear of driving. Which to be honest, everyone has regardless of car crashes, when starting driving.

neonsofa

Op word for word I could have written your post a few years back. Few differences- I had broken up with the boyfriend and we had a child. So I was at parents, single mam, no drivers licence, so anxious about driving like yourself, job didn't pay enough etc. I had panic attacks in the middle of the night. Felt like a failure of a mam and a daughter. All the rest.

Now I have my actual dream job. I drive. I'm where I want to be. Would like to own a house at some stage which I doubt will happen but am saving on the off chance and have a deposit together. At the time of my panic attacks I was living pay slip to pay slip. I still am to an extent but saving, pension, creche fees etc takes up my money rather than having none to start with if you get me. All it takes is baby steps. It sounds like I'm gloating but I'm trying to show you that people have been where you are and gotten through the other side. If I can do it so can you. You have no baby (I'm assuming) so no limitations re childcare or hours to work. You can try get work somewhere on bus route til you get your licence. Your boyfriends transport issues are of his own making so don't take on his stress. Best of luck.

Ursus Horribilis

Why did your boyfriend get suspended from driving? If he's a drunk driver, the type who drives without insurance or is a boy racer yob, are you sure you want to set yourself up for life with him? You got together with him at a very young age and that is not always a good thing. I could be reading too much into this but why are you responsible for him getting to his weekend job? (Does he not work during the week?). Maybe there is something off-balance in your relationship if you're expected to ferry him around like this.