Looking for advise regarding the girl I am dating.

haroonkhan

Hello guys,

I usually don't use Internet forums for advise but my situation is a bit confusing and I am looking for suggestions. I have been going out with this girl for about a month and a half now. We have gone out like 5 times and every second spent with her has been amazing. Not just for me but for her as well because I know for sure she loves spending time with me. Suddenly she has gone cold. I texted her on Tuesday and asked her if she wants to go to the cinema with me on Wednesday and its been over 24 hours and she hasn't replied me back. We went out on Friday to the Ghostbus Tour and she loved it and even told me she is impressed with me more every time she sees me. The next day she sent me photos of the tour. Then we didn't talk for a couple of days. She likes it that way usually. She likes her space and I always give her that. But now for the first time since we started dating she has gone silent. She always gets back to me, sometimes the next morning. But this time there is nothing from her so I am confused like hell. I have no idea what happened. I just need a bit of advise what should I do. I am not the needy and clingy type and always give people lots of space. Usually I never text or call a girl again if I don't hear from her. But this girl is special for me and I don't want this to end. I am thinking of calling her after 4-5 days. What would you guys suggest?

A bit about her. She has been in Ireland for 6 months and she came here because her fiancé of 4 years cheated on her and she wanted a change. I know she has mentioned a couple of times she doesn't trust guys anymore. Is this whats scaring her away? Because I am getting close to her and she doesn't want a relationship? This is the first thing which came in my mind when I didn't hear from her. Also I must add that she is a bit complex.. Very moody. Blows hot and cold often. One minute she is hugging me and kissing me and the next minute she would need her personal space. At first it confused the hell out of me but slowly I was beginning to understand her better.

Any suggestions would be fantastic because I can't stop thinking about her and don't really know what to do.

Thank you.

bmwguy

Phone call! Think outside the box. But id be wary of the stories about broken engagements in her home country etc....i have been there before and it didn't end well. If you ever hear a story about owing ex fiance money, just run and never ever look back.

haroonkhan

bmwguy wrote: »

Phone call! Think outside the box. But id be wary of the stories about broken engagements in her home country etc....i have been there before and it didn't end well. If you ever hear a story about owing ex fiance money, just run and never ever look back.

haha well I am not aware of any money being owed. Yeah I am thinking about calling her but at the same time I am looking at her Facebook and she is chatting with her friends and having a laugh. Making me think she just doesn't care and maybe suddenly lost interest?

leggo

It sounds like you're really into her and she's notsomuch OP. Even stuff like the "she likes it when we don't talk for a couple days" flies in the face of what you were saying at the start about being really into each other. She's probably good at putting it on while she's there but not thinking that much about you when you're not. Sorry, it's harsh but better you deal with the reality.

Xterminator

Hi OP

Id say give her space and time. If she ghosts you - then you will hvae to chalk it up.

I wouldn't pursue her; especially by phone or text. Her silence is saying something too.

you could drop her an email/letter after a week just expressing how you feel if she has cut all contact without any explanation. i wouldn't be holding my breath for a reply.

Katgurl

Five dates - blowing hot and cold, not answering your invite, talking about her trust issues...

Why is she calling all the shots?

I think you should give her all the space she wants and more.

If she wants you she will be in touch, if not then nothing you said would have yielded a different result.

Regardless of what happens here you will be setting a great precedent for yourself of setting your own standards of how you expect to ve treated.

Airyfairy12

Don't come on too strong, if she's not that into you any persuasion on your part will just come across annoying and creepy. Id just ask her, if you dont hear from her in the next few days send her a facebook message, just say something like hey havnt heard from you in awhile. Ask her if she's still interested and if not thats no problem, wish her well and leave her alone. Keep it casual but to the point. Youve a right to know where you stand.

Bambi985

How long since the split with the fiance? She may well not be over that. Four years and an engagement and it ending with infidelity is going to take some time to get over.

haroonkhan

Bambi985 wrote: »

How long since the split with the fiance? She may well not be over that. Four years and an engagement and it ending with infidelity is going to take some time to get over.

just 7 months. That was my initial gut feeling. She doesnt want a relationship at the moment and is cutting me off.

haroonkhan

leggo wrote: »

It sounds like you're really into her and she's notsomuch OP. Even stuff like the "she likes it when we don't talk for a couple days" flies in the face of what you were saying at the start about being really into each other. She's probably good at putting it on while she's there but not thinking that much about you when you're not. Sorry, it's harsh but better you deal with the reality.

no, what i meant was that she hate generic boring texting "how are you" "how was your day", etc. we usually share funny memes and videos or if either of us has something interesting to say. and she likes her space so its cool if we dont talk for a day or two and the ratio of who texted first was equal, so her sudden cold behavior is baffling.

Bambi985

haroonkhan wrote: »

just 7 months. That was my initial gut feeling. She doesnt want a relationship at the moment and is cutting me off.

7 months is nothing IMO. Especially when it's been a bad break-up. I had one of those a few years back and took me at least a year to be even ready to consider other guys.

Look she's telling you she doesn't want a relationship and is massively flakey and blowing hot and cold and disappearing for days on end - I'd step back and stop making the effort if it were me. See if that brings her back into view. Doesn't sound like you're going to get much return at this rate though so as tough as it is, I'd be writing her off.

haroonkhan

Bambi985 wrote: »

7 months is nothing IMO. Especially when it's been a bad break-up. I had one of those a few years back and took me at least a year to be even ready to consider other guys.

Look she's telling you she doesn't want a relationship and is massively flakey and blowing hot and cold and disappearing for days on end - I'd step back and stop making the effort if it were me. See if that brings her back into view. Doesn't sound like you're going to get much return at this rate though so as tough as it is, I'd be writing her off.

you are right. I am not clingy by nature so I will give her all the space and time she wants to re-evaluate everything. hopefully she will be back

leggo

haroonkhan wrote: »

no, what i meant was that she hate generic boring texting "how are you" "how was your day", etc. we usually share funny memes and videos or if either of us has something interesting to say. and she likes her space so its cool if we dont talk for a day or two and the ratio of who texted first was equal, so her sudden cold behavior is baffling.

Yeah, that was one part I was weighing up. The other (main) part was her blanking you.

I know you mightn't want to confront the fact she just wasn't that into you, but that seems to be the case OP. Or maybe her phone is broke or something. Either way, nothing you can do.

haroonkhan

leggo wrote: »

Yeah, that was one part I was weighing up. The other (main) part was her blanking you.

I know you mightn't want to confront the fact she just wasn't that into you, but that seems to be the case OP. Or maybe her phone is broke or something. Either way, nothing you can do.

not ruling anything out man. just feels strange because she never gave me any indication whether in person or in texting that shes not into me. never ignored me or played any games before this incident

Yellow pack crisps

She is talking to you, telling you everything you need to know and you are ignoring her. Silence and ignoring someone! Is that the life you want?? Sometimes and actually mostly words are unimportant and actions speak loudest and her actions are that she is stringing you along. D a person wants to be with someone then they generally make an effort. Space is fine once it's not confusing the other person. I want space so let's chat a week from now and see how we are. It's that simple.

RoYoBo

haroonkhan wrote: »

Hello guys,

Also I must add that she is a bit complex.. Very moody. Blows hot and cold often. One minute she is hugging me and kissing me and the next minute she would need her personal space. At first it confused the hell out of me but slowly I was beginning to understand her better.

It sounds more like you were learning/being taught to dance to her tune than understand her. Unfortunately, you can never dance well enough to please some people and the tune changes too often to keep up. In fact, the harder you try and the more you think you're succeeding, the more unsatisfied they become.

IMO, she's still caught up in her last relationship and it's too soon for a new one. It's also too soon for you to be getting hung up after such a short time. Maybe try to step back a bit and let what happens happen?