how to let go

the_pen_turner

I'm a carpenter.
a few months ago I did a job for a woman. I did what she asked but changed her mind and refused to pay.
at the time she was horrible to me . she said a lot of things that were uncalled for. like insinuating that I stole from her by charging her for more materials than I used. basic stuff but insulting my character
I wont go into too many details but she really hurt me.
anyway I cant let it go emotionally.
I don't care about the money side of it. its the things she said.

i have tried letting it go but it still annoys me. even infuriates me.
its only thoughts rolling around in the back of my head. they are not taking over my life or anything
is there any thing i can do to help let it go

dixiefly

I know it's not an answer to your query but could you not have taken her to the small claims court or employed a debt collector?

the_pen_turner

dixiefly wrote: »

I know it's not an answer to your query but could you not have taken her to the small claims court or employed a debt collector?

not worth it. only a few hundred euro.
its not the money that annoys me

Rubberchikken

That's a horrible way for someone to treat someone else but maybe she's that way with everyone.
Things like that can but for a long time and definitely when it's undeserved but it will go in time.
If you know you did a good job and fairly then you have nothing to bother you.

the_pen_turner

I'm half annoyed with myself. in hind sight there were signs. like newly done work in the house (why didn't they get them to do what i did)

it doesn't annoy me as much as it did but i cant get it to go completely.

I'm 100% happy with what i did and why i did it.

it is the insults that hurt me

December2012

I suppose try to remember the following:-

She would have done this to anybody. There was nothing you could have done differently to change her behaviour. She's said nasty things and let herself down by behaving like that. It's not about you, only about her.


Now remember all the clients you have who liked your work, any recommendations you've got, any praise given. Anytime somebody paid your fee without questioning or haggling (too much!)

Anytime something negative pops into your head, try to remember two positives.

Colser

I'd bet that in time OP you will meet people who've had the same experience with her as you've had,probably anyone who has worked in her house would empathise with you.She's more than likely a serial complainer just because she's too mean to pay for the work.A horrible woman by the sounds of it and hopefully karma catches up with her.

When I have to deal with someone who's irrational and nasty just for the sake of it I just think thank fcuk I don't live with them or have to deal with them on a daily basis ..chalk it up OP and listen to your gut in future.

BTW don't be surprised if she contacts you again for work,I've seen that to happen as those types seem to be totally oblivious to there own BS.

the_pen_turner

Colser wrote: »

I'd bet that in time OP you will meet people who've had the same experience with her as you've had,probably anyone who has worked in her house would empathise with you.She's more than likely a serial complainer just because she's too mean to pay for the work.A horrible woman by the sounds of it and hopefully karma catches up with her.

When I have to deal with someone who's irrational and nasty just for the sake of it I just think thank fcuk I don't live with them or have to deal with them on a daily basis ..chalk it up OP and listen to your gut in future.

BTW don't be surprised if she contacts you again for work,I've seen that to happen as those types seem to be totally oblivious to there own BS.

it funny you say that about living with her.
i feel really sorry for her husband. iv seen 2 things out of her towards him. controlling and demanding .


there is no going back . no chance. if she contacted me on a bad day i would be worried about what i might say

LynnGrace

Colser wrote: »

I'd bet that in time OP you will meet people who've had the same experience with her as you've had,probably anyone who has worked in her house would empathise with you.She's more than likely a serial complainer just because she's too mean to pay for the work.A horrible woman by the sounds of it and hopefully karma catches up with her.

When I have to deal with someone who's irrational and nasty just for the sake of it I just think thank fcuk I don't live with them or have to deal with them on a daily basis ..chalk it up OP and listen to your gut in future.

BTW don't be surprised if she contacts you again for work,I've seen that to happen as those types seem to be totally oblivious to there own BS.

Exactly.

OP, remind yourself that it is not personal. It may well be a tactic she uses in order to get out of paying for work done. Disgraceful way to be treated. I hope it comes back to bite her where it hurts.

anewme

You are obviously very proud of your craft and workmanship and doing an honest days work, otherwise, she would not have got to you.

Think of that as a positive.

As you say it's not the money.

Don't let someone like that bring you down.

Don't even dwell about her contacting you in a bad day where you tell her a few home truths. That is just keeping it going. We say rise above it all, it's not always that easy to do. And if it happens, so be it. But more than likely it won't so don't waste time on it.

She's not even worth your thoughts or headspace.

Believe in Karma and that she'll gets what she's due, then put it out of your head.

eeguy

Holding onto bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

Theres always going to be assholes in the world.Chalk it up to experience and move on.

anewme

eeguy wrote: »

Holding onto bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die

a very good friend of mine says "bitterness only effects the bitter party"

He said it to me about a specific incident and I've it Since passed it on.

Paddy Cow

Colser wrote: »

BTW don't be surprised if she contacts you again for work,I've seen that to happen as those types seem to be totally oblivious to there own BS.

This is unbelievable but true. A friend of mine was working for a woman cleaning apartments. She didn't get paid for three weeks (and was treated like crap while there) so left. She was owed €300 which she knew she'd never see. The woman kept telling her she'd pay her "next week" :rolleyes: A couple of months later the woman rang her and asked her to work for a week. My friend said "what about the €300 you owe me?". Her reply was "work the week and we'll talk about it then". My friend told her where to go.

Some people really are just odious. You did nothing wrong and it's understandable that you're miffed she shredded your character. On the bright side, probably everyone she knows are clued in to how she works so even if she bad mouths you, no one is going to believe her. For a quiet life they'll probably agree with her and tell hear what she wants to her but in their own mind they'll be thinking "I pity that poor ba$tard having to deal with her".

LushiousLips

OP try not to take it personally, if it was you or another carpenter she would have behaved the same way to get out of paying. Probably too why the last guys didn't come to finish off the work. She wouldn't pay them either.

As I like to say 'little apples will grow again' and she'll get her comeuppance

pgj2015

I dont care if its just a few hundred euro op, the right thing to do is bring her to the small claims court, for two main reasons, 1) you will feel vindicated when you win the case and 2) you might prevent her from doing it to the next guy, and there will be a next guy because you are likely not the first person she has done this to.

the_pen_turner

I'm tempted but its not worth it. I would lose another days wages and probably never see the money anyway

pgj2015

the_pen_turner wrote: »

I'm tempted but its not worth it. I would lose another days wages and probably never see the money anyway

have a word with a solicitor, see what he/she says.

seamus

Small claims court doesn't deal with debts and unpaid bills, it's no use in this case.

At best you could send her a bill every month with the word "reminder" stamped on it. But to a certain extent that's being petty - you'd be doing it more to irritate her than to try and recover your debt. And of course it's a reminder to you once a month of this wagon's existence.

As others say OP, this is probably routine for her. She considers bullying and complaining to be part and parcel of doing business and pats herself on the back when she gets out of paying. You noticed yourself that other work had been done recently and asked why they didn't do the work she asked for - probably because she short-changed and insulted them.

If it's interfering in your day-to-day or the kind of thing that pops into your head when you're trying to sleep, then it would be worth talking to a counsellor about it. It sounds overkill, but it could be a symptom of a streak of perfectionism, and a qualified professional can give you the tools to move past it - and to deal with it the next time it happens. Because it will happen again, it's an unfortunate reality of dealing with the public.