Smart Phones at Night

cue

We are going through it at the moment with our 16 year old. He only got a smart phone last year and since then we have had a constant battle over moderating its use at night. We switch off the wifi every night at midnight and it causes constant arguments. It is not so bad at the moment as we have progressed to discussing it but when we first started doing it he threatened us with all sorts and his reaction was frightening.
How do you all deal with this issue?

BabysCoffee

Is the midnight switch off at the weekends?

What time does he get up for school at during the week?

denis160

It's hard, feels like a constant battle, phones are handed over to me or in to my room if I e gone to bed, at an agreed time. If it's not handed over, phone is gone for a day, albeit our eldest is 14 nearing 15, not sure about 16 but I'm sure you could agree on something. I've been known on more than 1 occasion to take wifi cable with me if they're not behaving or really pushing the limits! Good luck, can be very tiring.

cue

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Is the midnight switch off at the weekends?

What time does he get up for school at during the week?

Midnight every night during the holidays. That will change when he goes back to school. He was in transition year last year so it was a bit more relaxed. We plan on setting clear time limits on screen time when he goes back to school. Not looking forward to it but has to be done.

He usually gets up for school at 8.30am to run across the road to school.

cue

denis160 wrote: »

I've been known on more than 1 occasion to take wifi cable with me if they're not behaving or really pushing the limits!

We have taken to sleeping with the modem!

silverharp

Im planning for the new school year to put a timer on the modem for Sun to Fri. Junior is supposed to leave his phone downstairs but it magically climbs the stairs on occasion.

AidanadiA

I've a 17 year old, now she's had a phone for a long time (started at 9 with a firefly).

We have school term based negotiations with holidays being much more lenient. So we sit down a week or so before school she states what she wants- basically the phone on from first light to school and from the moment she walks out of the gates till bedtime (10.30 pm), I state what I want (1 hour daily after homework and for it to be off by 9.30 pm) and we meet in the middle, like yourself she was in Ty last year so it was a little bit more relaxed. We ended up with 15 mins in the morning after she was ready for school, 15 mins after school and before homework while having a snack, then an hour and a half after homework and the phone was off from 9.30 pm. If at any point during the school term she breaks the deal what I wanted gets put in place but this hasn't happened yet.

I expect this year to be a little more difficult, if I'm being honest. Something I try to remind myself of is that even though I'm not phone mad, and I cant be bothered with social media, this is how my daughter socializes. Not having a connection to your friends at this age is horrible and you do feel like billy no mates when you go into school and are at a loss for what happened on snapchat last night.

So though I do believe in rules I think the kids need to be part of the planning. What does he want from his phone? If its hours of games or other mind numbing crap then obviously that gets axed. If its to talk to his best friend or his crush then a time limit.

Also talk to his friends parents (best thing I ever did). If I had to hear another tale of "But Aoife's mam lets her!" I'd have gone mad. So I talked to said mum and she was getting the exact same from Aoife. So now we give each other a bell "What time are you thinking about for the girls this Friday? 11 pm at the latest?" "11 pm sounds perfect!" All of a sudden both girls are coming home at the same time and don't feel left out.


Best of Luck!

cue

AidanadiA wrote: »

Also talk to his friends parents (best thing I ever did).

Definitely going to do that. I figure they are all getting the same response from their kids too.

AidanadiA

You can do what the kids do and get a whatsapp group going with the parents!

tskk

We have a 16 and 17 year old. We decided to take the phones off them during the school year by 11pm. I wanted 10pm! When we said this was going to happen one of them had a complete meltdown. Have never seen her react like it before or since! Anyway at 11pm they have to put the phones on charge outside our room. Every night it's an argument. During the summer they've had them all the time so am dreading the start of school again in a couple of weeks��.

Sunny Dayz

Our son has my old smart phone - he's 12. He used to have it in his room at night. We foolishly trusted that he wouldn't use it when it he went to bed. We couldn't figure out why he was so tired in the mornings til we discovered that he was messaging his friends til midnight.
Since then he leaves his phone downstairs before he goes to bed. He can't sneak down during the night for it as the ground floor is alarmed.

BrookieD

I have a 14 yr old boy, He has iPhone and iPad and my set up is as follows as we have a strict policy on usage.

Ourpact - Free version - times access so from 10pm to 8am all social media apps are removed from device.

Wifi access controlled through mac address filter in order to shut off access to PS4, iPhone and iPad from 10pm until 8am.

At any time i see fit I can use OurPact to block or grant access to his apps. We have just decided that we are removing now SnapChat as there is a lot of passive aggressive bullying towards my lad so access now removed for good.

Both iPhone and iPad MUST be left outside shortly after 10pm to charge as iPAd is a school device so needs to be 100% for next day. iPhone also outside room.

Sneaky bugger though a few months back copped on he could turn on the PS4 (before mac address was blocked) and use the wireless controller via headphones to listen to music so TV not needed to be on. Took a couple weeks to figure this out but blocked via mac address now...

2ygb4cmqetsjhx

Serious question. Are you not concerned that your kids can watch porn endlessly. I know you are using ourpact and stuff but surely that doesn't block the data connection on the phone? How does it work?

rachaelf750

BrookieD wrote:

Wifi access controlled through mac address filter in order to shut off access to PS4, iPhone and iPad from 10pm until 8am.

How do I do this ?

AidanadiA

I tried Ourpact and I can see it working when my daughter was much younger to prevent her from chancing her arm but not so much now. I think we have to have trust (both ways). I dont think shutting off her access to music apps and the like when I feel like it will help develop trust and honesty.

BrookieD

rachaelf750 wrote: »

How do I do this ?

YOu need acces to your admin page on the internet router - when all devices connected, find and note te mac address of each device you want to make a rule for. Then into mac filtering page - I have the hub 3 from virgin so in here is each weekday by hour, select the time for these devices only.

PM me for a little help if needed

The_Mac

Martin Plump Mucous wrote: »

Serious question. Are you not concerned that your kids can watch porn endlessly. I know you are using ourpact and stuff but surely that doesn't block the data connection on the phone? How does it work?

Teens will always find a way to watch porn, filters are easy to get around. Besides there's nothing wrong with it.

LegacyUser

I have friends who are secondary school teachers and have form classes. For a period a week, they have a class with their "form class" - different schools call it different things!

All of the teachers say the kids/teens will tell them stuff during that class - mainly to do with internet devices, how late they are up sending messages, online etc. and some of the stuff they get up to. The teachers feel they can't really tell parents because at the end of the day, the stuff is said in a relatively "confidential" type way, and as a teacher, they need to try to keep lines of communication open. However equally, they have parents coming in and giving out about their child not doing well in class, and how come they haven't passed tests etc. Friends regularly say they are thinking to themselves "do you know that she/he is practically asleep on the desk most day because she/he is up til 4am most mornings online while you think they're asleep?"

For what it's worth, myself and my friends are in our early 30s, so we're fairly internet savvy, not exactly dinosaurs!(despite what teenagers might think!!!)

Keep fighting that fight, I know it's hard (have kids of my own) but long term it is worth it, for you and for them.